Shades of the Mind
by Braelyn Briar
Summary: A head injury sends Raven's powers on the fritz and her emotions beyond her ability to control. Beast Boy steps up to help her through her struggle and is forced to face some emotional trauma of his own. Raven and Garfield learn about each other as well as themselves, and their friendship and feelings for each other grow as a result.
1. Enter the Beast

**Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me.**

* * *

Breathing in and out. Soft rhythmic beating of her pulse. Breathing in and out. A gentle buzzing of some misguided insect. Breathing in and out. A soft chant. Breathing in and out. Loud, obnoxious wailing. Concentration ruined. Raven opened her eyes to her darkened room. What was the point of retreating to her sanctuary to meditate if her sanctuary was prone to be disturbed by her unruly roommates? Sighing in resignation at the loss of any meditative calm, Raven approached her door to investigate the source of the wail. Beast Boy's by the sound of it.

She left her room, the soft whoosh of the automatic door almost soothing if not for the wailing suddenly getting louder without the barrier, and headed towards the common room and the source of the ruckus. The common room door whooshed open. Raven merely lifted a brow at the sight she was greeted with; all of her teammates were standing at the fridge looking at something blocked from view by the open door.

"Star! How could you?" Beast Boy's hands were gripping his hair in a way that was sure to result in premature baldness; crocodile tears were streaming unchecked down his cheeks.

"I do not understand. I thought that items stored in the refrigerating containment unit were protected from degradation."

"Um, yeah, they are, but only up to a point. And that mostly only concerns human food with preservatives and stuff. I'm not even sure what _that_ is Star." Robin was explaining, ever patiently, to Starfire about whatever it was that had Beast Boy so upset.

"Seriously Star, we need to come to some sort of agreement about which alien foods are safe to keep in the fridge. Your food ate all of our food!" Cyborg interjected, similar waterworks on display. Ah, that explained it. Boys and their food.

"My tofu!"

"Dude, good riddance!" Cyborg smirked.

"To _your_ nasty meat paddies!" Beast Boy shot back with a scowl.

"But, friends, I am still confused. Is this containment device not meant to imprison food until it is to be consumed?"

"Yeah, but you don't keep anything _alive_ in there!" Beast Boy yelped and leapt back, staring in horror at something in the fridge. "Get it! Get it before it gets us!"

Raven made her way to the stove to put on a kettle, steadfastly ignoring the sound of a sonic canon from somewhere behind her. Cries of 'Get it off me!' were also ignored as she rummaged around the cupboards for her favorite tea packets. Tea leaves gave a much richer flavor, but they were also much more of a hassle than the boxes of individual tea bags available at the MegaMart that was a convenient ten minutes down the road. As she waited for the water to boil, Raven thought over what she was hoping to get done today, oblivious to the battle overtaking half the kitchen. As the kettle started to whistle, Raven pushed off the counter, waited as something green, and covered in something else blue and fuzzy, whizzed by before she poured herself a mug and added a tea bag. She made her way to the couch and picking up the book she'd left there earlier began to read, tuning out everything else.

Raven only had a handful of pages left and planned to start her errands as soon as she finished her book. The bookstore was likely to be her first stop. She could admit that books were her one of her greatest weaknesses. As such, she didn't much care for interruptions. That was why interrupters were normally dealt with too little patience on her part. That never seemed to stop Beast Boy however. She lowered her book to look into large, green, glistening eyes begging for a favor. "What?" she asked with her normal monotone.

"Raven…Rae," Beast Boy's eyes were almost glassy with unshed tears, begging for pity, "you know I never _mean_ to annoy you right?" She lifted a brow but said nothing. "And you know that I'd be more than willing to do you a favor if you weren't afraid I'd totally screw it up, right?"

She heaved a sigh, "What do you want Beast Boy?" Raven had long since given up correcting him about her name; besides she'd never admit it to anyone, but she was secretly pleased that Beast Boy had a pet name for her. He was the only one who ever got away with it that was for certain.

"Please, please, please! You're almost done with your book which means you're going to the bookstore today and today's the day that the latest _Dark Stalkers_ graphic novel comes out, and Robin says I can't go get it because it's my turn to clean up the alien food fight mess and that I owe him laps for the greased dummy prank in the training room and if I don't get it today it'll be sold out and I can't get it until it's rereleased in two weeks and I can't wait that long and can you please, please, _please_ get it for me? I'll pay you back I swear!" Raven was almost impressed that he'd managed that all in one breath. In fact, had it been anybody else she would have been.

"A comic book?" she asked, uninterested.

"_Graphic novel_, but yeah…please, please, please?" His hands were clasped pleadingly under his chin; he was on his knees and practically sprawled in her lap. It would have been rather pathetic if her more annoying emotions hadn't been cooing at her to give in to him. "I'll do the face! No one can resist the face!" Beast Boy morphed into a small cat and crawled up into her lap. He mewed up at her before rubbing his head and flanks against her stomach, a powerful purr rumbling in his chest. He curled up in her lap on his back, looking up at her with impossibly large emerald eyes, mewing hopefully, pawing beseechingly up at her.

_'Oh my goodness, isn't he just _so_ adorable! Cuddle him Raven!'_

_ 'Does he realize that the oversized eyes appeal to the feminine instinct to protect and mother, or is it just a coincidence for the animal he has chosen?'_

_ '__How dare he resort to such underhanded tactics of endearingness to gain my consent__! I SHALL DESTROY HIM!'_

_ 'I want one!'_

'_So FLUFFY!'_

Raven grimaced at her rampant emotions and the green cat hair clinging to her leotard. That was going to be impossible to remove. "Sure." She answered shortly. She lifted her book, _not_ because she was blushing, and went back to ignoring him. She wasn't sure why she'd given in. It wasn't the face. It didn't matter that she had a soft spot for cats, and it didn't matter how large he could make his eyes. 'The face' didn't work on her, just Starfire. Of course, any sort of appeal worked on Starfire, the problem was keeping the communication simple enough that she didn't misunderstand what was being asked. That, and she still struggled with Earth currency. She knew every conversion imaginable for the Galaxy Exchange which operated in gold and other precious ores, but failed to comprehend how thin pieces of paper could hold such value on Earth. It was made from trees wasn't it? And didn't they have trees almost everywhere?

It wasn't until the deep, vibrating rumbling stopped, that its existence penetrated her thoughts. Raven looked down to see that Beast Boy was still in her lap. She was rather shocked, and supremely embarrassed, to note that she'd been absent-mindedly scratching him behind the ears as if he were a real cat. Damn her fondness for cats! Beast Boy had actually fallen asleep though so she had the potential to slip away without him waking and without her having to face the utter humiliation that would most assuredly accompany this little episode. Ever so carefully she enveloped his small, warm body in her ebony magic and lifted him to the couch. She stood and left for her room, finishing her book before she'd reached the common room doors.

Depositing her book on her 'finished' shelf, she grabbed her wallet and headed for the doors. Just before leaving she heard Robin yelling at Beast Boy for sleeping when he was supposed to be cleaning the kitchen and then running laps. If Raven's step was a little quicker to leave there was no one but her myriad of emotions to notice and tease her about it.

}{~}{~ }{~ }{~ }{~ }{~ }{~ }{~ }{~ }{~ }{~ }{

Raven felt at home. Nowhere else did she feel as if she belonged. Nowhere else _spoke_ to her like a library or a bookstore. Books, only a place that housed books could be so comforting; not even her room—she didn't have room for all her books. Not that Raven would ever say she'd _bullied_ Robin into letting her turn one of the equipment storage rooms into a library, but he had eventually agreed that a library wouldn't be such a bad thing to have in the Tower. For villain research, of course. Raven took in one last deep breath, absorbing the smell of ink and paper, before heading into a section of the store that she'd only been aware of existing, never actually having perused it before. The isle was colorful, but disorganized. How were the comics, sorry _graphic novels_, sorted? What was the one Beast Boy wanted called again? Raven reached the end of the isle and looked around. She approached an employee. "Excuse me," her monotone may not have inflection, but it made up for it in authority, "can you show me where to find the recent release of the graphic novel _Night Walkers_?"

The clerk, surprised to be address by a Teen Titan until he realized which Titan she was, corrected her, "You mean _Dark Stalkers_?" She nodded, that sounded right. "Yeah, recent releases are going to be at the kiosk at the isle ends. You walked right past it. We're probably sold out though, sorry." Raven thanked the sales clerk and turned back towards the kiosk, ignoring the small feeling of unexplainable dismay she couldn't have been feeling. The clerk was right, there weren't any—wait, there at the bottom, just one left. Bending down, Raven retrieved the last copy of Beast Boy's book—she used the term loosely—before another hand attempted to snatch it from her. Her fingers clung with surprising tenacity.

"Hey! Leggo! This is the last copy in the whole store and it's mine!" Raven knew that voice.

Turning ever so slowly, eyes glowing white with power, she addressed him, "Perhaps you should have come earlier then. As it is, this was in my possession first, and if you try to take it by force, I would have no problem sending back to jail, Control Freak."

"T-t-t-t-t-Titan!" Despite his apoplectic fit, Control Freak calmed himself and a sly smile stretched his face unbecomingly. "Why would you have any interest in this particular series? It's dark and gloomy to be sure, but might I interest you in _Space Zombies 47_ instead? Much more up your alley."

"No thank you. I came for _Dark Stalkers_ and as I found a copy, I'll be keeping that copy."

"You can't! It doesn't get re-released for two whole weeks!" he wailed, clutching pitifully at the book still grasped tightly in Raven's hand. Was this really such a good story people would go to such lengths to obtain it?

"I will be going now." she hinted.

"I'll give you twenty bucks to let me have this!" he promised, panicky.

Raven lifted a brow, "If I were merely purchasing this for myself I'd let you have it, as it is, it's for someone else."

"Then I'll give them twenty bucks!"

Raven tugged the book from his grasp and looked at the back, "That's more than this even costs."

"I don't care! Do you know how long I've waited for that to come out?"

"Why didn't you just pre-order it, or reserve a copy?" He didn't say anything, just crossed his arms and grumbled something unintelligible. "Like I said, if I wasn't buying it for someone else I'd let you have it; as it is, you're just going to have to wait the two weeks. Perhaps in the future you'll take steps to make sure you get to the store early or reserve a copy. Sometimes you can even get the book at a reduced rate." Raven turned to head over to her usual section before glancing back over her shoulder, "Control Freak," when he glanced at her in acknowledgement she continued, "it's good that you've got something to occupy you other than your couch and suped-up remote. Reading is good for you."

That, she decided, was why she'd been so insistent upon purchasing Beast Boy's book. He didn't spend much free time away from the GameStation so any activity that gave his thumbs a break and engaged his mind ought to be encouraged. As insulting as Raven knew it sounded, Beast Boy _was_ surprisingly intelligent, what he lacked was focus. He might not know technology like Cyborg, mathematics and physics like Starfire, tactics and leadership like Robin, or literature like herself, but what he did know, he knew well.

Beast Boy was a whiz when it came to geography and the natural world. Maybe it was all the Animal Planet shows he watched, or perhaps he had an innate knowledge base because he could actually become those animals, but Beast Boy knew terrain, he knew survival, and he knew animals. Not just different animals he could become, but he _knew_ things about them. Strange factoids that amused Starfire greatly, but were also interesting to her despite herself. Who would want know how long a giraffe's tongue was or how fast a cheetah could run? Her apparently. But it was more than that. He knew the habitats of those animals; he knew which plants typically grew in which areas. Granted this information might not seem important to a lot of people, but there were fields he could pursue, excel at really, if he just applied himself.

Raven's musings were disrupted when she realized that she had an armload of books she hadn't even realized she'd picked up. Glancing at the titles she realized that her emotions had been interfering while she'd been distracted. _Anger Management for Dummies_ was probably Sass' jab at Rage, _How to Tame Your Inner Conflict_ was probably Wisdom's choice, _The Raven and Other Poems_ was a book she already had so she wasn't sure which emotion would have picked that one up. There was also _How to Train Your Cat_, which she immediately stashed on the closest shelf regardless of the fact that it didn't go there before quickly relocating. She put most of the books back but kept about four of them to purchase. Since three were larger tomes she decided she'd leave them to be delivered to the Tower later so her hands wouldn't be full when she ran her other errands. Placing Beast Boy's book on top Raven placed the stack on the checkout counter.

"Hi, you find everything alright Miss Raven?" The sales girl asked with a giant smile. Raven nodded. The girl glanced through the titles, unsurprised by the large tomes; Raven was a regular and the staff generally knew her tastes, sometimes even making good suggestions. She was surprised however by the graphic novel on top. Her eyes grew wide and curiosity got the better of her. "Trying something new Miss Raven?"

"It's for someone else."

"Oh, a gift! I'll just wrap it shall I?" The girl pulled plain brown paper and white twine from below the counter and started to wrap the book in deft, practiced movements. Since the packaging was nondescript and almost had a classic feel to it, Raven approved and so didn't bother to correct her. "Do you have anything you'd like the card to say?" the sales girl asked, slipping a small folded card onto the twine through a hole in the corner before tying a bow around it all.

"I'll just sign it." The girl handed Raven a pen. She hesitated, the girl was reading over her shoulder and Raven didn't want any unnecessary or pointless—not to mention most likely embarrassing—questions. Rather than signing it to Beast Boy she signed it to his civilian name, most civilians didn't know Garfield Logan after all. Once the rest of her purchase was wrung up and she'd left instructions for the delivery for her larger books, Raven left, pulling the smaller book she'd kept to read on her way to the grocery store for her next round of errands.

Despite the book in front of her face, she couldn't help but be distracted by the book she was carrying from a small plastic bag around her wrist. She actually wished she hadn't had the store clerk wrap it. She wouldn't have minded taking a look at what had caused all the fuss earlier with Control Freak. If the book had sold out the day it came out then it had to have some promise, hadn't it? She supposed she could just ask Beast Boy the premise of the series but for reasons she didn't really want to examine too closely, she felt reluctant to do so.

Perhaps—Raven's thoughts came to a violent halt when she was slammed into the wall of the building beside her. Disoriented, she didn't react as fast as she should have, and then a face was inches from her own. "He took a mate? I can't believe he's made a claim!" Raven looked up into the vaguely familiar face that had a grating, growling unfamiliar voice that was growing more of a snarl than a sneer. Looking down at her was a humanoid face that was rapidly losing its humanoid features. Reddish-brown fur burst from his skin and his features distorted. Adonis in his beast form snarled down at her. Hadn't Cyborg said that he'd fixed this little problem? The thing that was Adonis took a slash at her, but she'd finally regained her senses and phased through the wall behind her. Chanting her familiar mantra, Raven levitated through the ceiling and circled around behind the creature slashing at the stone wall she'd disappeared through.

"Over here!" Adonis turned just as she'd thrown a dumpster at him. The dumpster slammed the creature between it and the brick wall, but the leviathan wasn't even stunned. The dumpster shot outward, propelled by the beast. Raven was still levitating, but that didn't keep her from the creature's reach. She'd forgotten how strong and fast this thing was. The last time she'd faced off against this thing she'd been put into a healing trance. If it hadn't been for Beast Boy, Raven had no doubt her team would have been scraping her remains from the hallway. She really hoped this time around would be better since back up wasn't right next door this time.

She flung herself backwards through the air, grabbing any objects in reach with her powers and hurling them at the beast. Nothing stopped it; barely anything slowed the damn thing down. It just kept barreling through. She really needed that back up. She uprooted a lamp post and wielding it like a fencing foil attempted to keep the creature at bay as she reached for her communicator. "Titans, Raven calling Titans!" she called into it, making sure she'd hit the alert button.

"Raven, this is Robin. Report." Raven only spared a brief glance at the screen and saw a mass of red behind Robin's spiky hair so she knew at least two Titans would be alerted right away and Starfire could get to her location in practically no time.

"I'm downtown, about four blocks from my bookstore." Raven smacked the lamp post against Adonis' head several times, still levitating herself backwards with no idea where she was going, just away from the infernal beast still chasing her. "I'm facing Adonis and I could use some back up."

"Adonis? Isn't he still in jail? What's he doing out?"

"Don't know, don't care, just get here! I'm running out of things to throw at him!"

"Friend Raven, what is—"

"It's not just Adonis, he's in his beast form," she ducked a car that he'd just launched at her, "and he's most definitely pissed at me!"

"Dude, why is he pissed at you Rae?"

"How is he the beast? I checked him myself, his DNA was clear yo!"

"How did he get out of jail and we weren't alerted?"

"Can we please save the debate on why and how until after we take care of this? I really _am_ running out of things to throw at him; he just keeps coming through it all! And there are a lot of civilian gawkers! Seriously, back up would be much appreciated right about—oof!" A chorus of "Raven's" and "Rae's" reached her ears before she landed on her back, hard. The beast had grabbed the lamp post and swung it back at her. That _hurt_. How the hell was it still coming after being whacked with that thing? Winded, Raven rolled to the side just as a large clawed appendage came swinging down at her. Raven grabbed the discarded lamp post and wrapped it around the beast's body and arms, squeezing with all her power's strength. She really needed to slow this thing down until the others got there. The beast snarled and by merely flexing its arms the lamp post burst outwards, large shrapnel clipping Raven's shoulder as she ducked behind a bus. Shit, but that hurt! And now she was bleeding, fan-freaking-tastic. Adonis let out a snarled howl; blood lust, just what she needed.

The bus providing her meager shelter was suddenly lifted from behind her and without thinking she launched herself forward between the creature's legs before scrambling up the front of a car and pulling herself into the air above and behind Adonis. She grabbed the bus with her powers and lifted it several feet before slamming it down with all the force she could muster. Once, twice, three times for luck. Once the dust settled, only the bus and the crater it was sitting in were visible. Raven turned to warn away a couple of foolhardy gawkers and was caught by surprise by a massive clawed hand grasping her painfully around the waist. Twisting she found herself face to fangs with Adonis. If he wasn't pissed before, he most definitely was now. His breath was foul, saliva dripped from his fangs, and he snarled in her face before bringing his fist up in preparation to slam her into the pavement. She phased through his fingers and threw a federal mailbox at him. He shrugged it off.

"You go Goth Girl!"

"Come on, let 'im have it!"

Those idiots were still watching and now they were drawing attention to themselves! Adonis glanced their way and, picking up a car, threw it at them. Ignoring their screams Raven reached out and caught the car with her powers, unfortunately that left her open to anything else within Adonis' reach. She didn't know what it was that hit her; she just knew it brought her oblivion.

Sharp, stabbing pain brought her back. Light was blindingly bright, and even the slightest shift sent shooting pain through her skull. What had hit her, a bus? Blinking away stars, Raven slowly shifted and sat up. She was lying beside an overturned bus, ironically enough, and had a front row seat to the fight her back up—finally—had taken over. She was surprised to find Beast Boy was actually fighting Adonis in his own Beast form. The others had the two of them surrounded, prepared to intervene if necessary. Raven wasn't sure what was going on but it didn't look good. Her teammate's expressions were not what they would normally be at this stage of a fight. It might be concern for her, but she didn't think the tenseness in their expressions, their attention to the battling beasts, lent itself to that explanation.

Raven attempted to shift herself to a better position to get up; that was not her most inspired idea however. Her head reeled and she gasped, choking back the urge to throw up the tea she'd had however long ago it had been. A clammy sweat broke out over her skin, and she had to take several deep breaths to gain her center. It would be better to lay down, but she wasn't about to concede the point, even to herself. Her head ached. She reached up to the back of it and was dismayed to find it sticky. She'd suffered more damage than she'd thought. With such an injury she was surprised her friends had left her alone on the side lines. Then again, they had their hands full. The battle was vicious, brutal, and decisive. The green beast took down his counterpart and roared his victory. Unsurprisingly, to Raven at least, her other teammates didn't stand down, they braced themselves to confront the green Beast.

"Oh, Beast Boy." Raven squeezed her eyes shut, trying to overcome the pain and nausea. Starfire's startled gasp sent Raven's eyes open and head up. Unfortunately, that was a really stupid reaction to have in her condition. The pain sent Raven gasping, her head reeling, and she slumped back against the bus. She was too disoriented to understand anything going on around her but she gathered there was something wrong. People were yelling and arguing.

"You guys should have just let me handle it and helped Rae! She's probably going to end up in a coma thanks to that asshole!" Warm hands were against her face, feeling the back of her head, chafing her wrists. Soft curses, crying, somebody calling her name. "Rae? Rae, can you hear me? Rae, squeeze my hand if you can hear me." There _was_ a hand in hers, go figure. She thought it a rather stupid request but he sounded rather earnest so she decided to humor him. Surprisingly the action proved much harder to complete than she had expected. "Good, that's good Rae."

"We need to get her back to med bay, man. We should tell Rob—"

"Yeah, but we don't want to make her injuries any worse. She conscious, just, give me a second Cy. Rae, can you open your eyes? Come on Rae, try for me." Again, stupid as it seemed, he really sounded scared for her so even though she felt like death might be preferable at the moment, she worked her eye lids until they fluttered. The light caused her unimaginable discomfort, but she squinted them open anyway. "Geeze, Rae, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Tha—," she cleared her throat, swallowing the dry feeling down, "that's the last time I go buy you a book." Her voice came out a lot weaker than she'd intended, but his nervous chuckle chased the scared tone from his voice so she'd take that small victory. "What happened?"

Beast Boy let out a small growl, his hands tightening around her shoulders. When had he picked her up? "We got here just as he threw a mangled mailbox at you. Caught you in the back of the head and you went down hard. I—I don't really remember what happened after that," he admitted quietly, "I'm sorry."

Before she could continue questioning him the others caught her attention. Starfire was crying and Cyborg was having a hard time restraining her. Robin was by Adonis, surrounded by police. Beast Boy was making his way to Starfire who looked like she was about to lose it. "Star," her voice rasped unpleasantly, "Star, calm down." As if acknowledging Starfire's raging emotions made her suddenly aware of them, a wave of emotion slammed into her, catching her off guard. If she thought she knew pain before, that was nothing compared to this. Agony seared behind her eyes. She bit her lip to keep her surprised cry internal. Apparently she didn't do a very good job, or maybe it was the sudden stiffening and death grip on him that alerted Beast Boy to her suffering.

"Rae? Rae, what's wrong?" His concern and sudden fear were overwhelming on top of everything everyone else was feeling. She couldn't take it all in, she couldn't keep it all out; her shields were shattered. All she could do was whimper and clutch her head. The physical pain that had seemed so unbearable was a blessing compared to this. Her head felt like it was splitting in a dozen different directions. "Rae, talk to me!"

"Too much. Can't keep it out!" She squeezed her head harder, as if that would force the emotions to stay out, or the physical pain would overwhelm her and knock her into blissful unconsciousness. She let out a high pitched whine that would have mortified her if she could bring herself to care, "Make it stop." she begged him. She wasn't sure what he could do, but it couldn't hurt to ask.

"I'm taking her to the Tower."

"Dude, Robin—"

"Is busy. Raven needs help NOW!" Beast Boy shifted into something large but was still cradling her; whatever it was shocked the hell out of Starfire and Cyborg, at least she assumed that's what that was. It was getting too hard to distinguish anything anymore. Overwhelming. But then they were running away from the overwhelming emotions, the further away they were, the less intense. Beast Boy was radiating worry, but his emotions were blunted in his changed form. The ride was surprisingly smooth. And he was surprisingly warm. Everything was getting muzzy and the pain was receding finally; _finally_, it was dimming to a dull roar, a manageable level. The pain lessened even more, and the fuzziness was consuming her awareness until her awareness was just gone.

* * *

**AN: Though I have dabbled in writing, this is my first "publication". My sisters are the only people who have ever read any of my work so I'm hoping this doesn't come back to bite me. Feedback is much appreciated, let me know how I'm doing!**


	2. False Claim

**Disclaimer: ****This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me.**

* * *

Why was he such a screw up? Why couldn't he do anything right? Why did others have to suffer because he was too incompetent to do his job? She was hurt because of him. Just like last time she was caught between him and the Beasts. She'd been attacked because of him, because he hadn't thought through his actions. How was he supposed to know that Cyborg's serum didn't work on Adonis if Cyborg didn't even know? How was he supposed to know that the latent beast in Adonis' mind would wake with the proper trigger? Cyborg had all kinds of theories, but none of them made Raven any better did they?

Robin wouldn't let him interrogate Adonis. Cyborg wouldn't let him wait in med bay. Starfire chased him from pacing outside the med bay doors. He felt too guilty to play the GameStation. He couldn't concentrate to train. He never cleaned his room so that was a lost cause. The bad guys weren't up to no good at the moment. And he felt too guilty to read the book she got him. It was a little worse for wear but she'd managed to hang on to it. Granted she probably hadn't realized it was still in the bag around her wrist while she was fighting. The twine had snapped, the wrapping torn, but the bag's handle had remained surprisingly intact and around her wrist.

Once he'd gotten her to med bay he'd removed it and her cape. He'd cleaned her up while waiting for Cyborg and Starfire to catch up, but he wasn't trained to do anything so he hadn't had a lot to keep him occupied; so he was curious what was in the bag. She'd come from the book store, where were all her books? The parcel's packaging was torn, the twine in a pile at the bottom of the bag. But there was also a card in there. With a glance at her prone, yet levitating form, he opened it. _Garfield_. Simple, unadorned, and Raven approved. She'd gotten the thing gift wrapped? Why? He already knew what it was, he was planning on paying her back for it. Why wrap it and waste the paper? Raven didn't _do_ surprises so the whole, 'they didn't have it' and then springing it later for a surprise was out. No matter, he couldn't read it with her laying there unconscious because he'd asked her to pick it up.

But then, where were her books? Raven wasn't physically capable of entering a bookstore and not buying at least one book; not to mention that was the whole reason for her going to the bookstore in the first place—allowing him to squeeze in his request. So what happened to them? Once Cyborg got there and kicked him out, he decided to go find out once he had a talk with Adonis. After he changed his uniform of course. He didn't know why he transformed into the beast rather than morph like he did all his other forms, but it was definitely hard on his wardrobe.

The questioning didn't happen. Robin stonewalled him from the police station where he was _still_ filling out paperwork about all the property damage. Nope, not happening. They would begin questioning after Cyborg was done running diagnostics on Raven, but he and Cy would have to remain behind the glass. They didn't know what had set off Adonis' reaction and they didn't trust _him_ not to lose it. Again. Geeze, they acted like he was the only one who'd ever gone berserker on somebody. Slade? Brother Blood? They all had their own personal demons and he thought he'd proven today that he could handle it. Okay, so, yeah, he'd lost it when Raven went down. He could admit that. But once Adonis went down, he'd been in control. He was aware of his surroundings, aware that his friends were poised to take him down; he was aware of Raven doing worse damage to herself trying to sit up. She'd called his name and then nearly passed out again…she was hurt so bad.

He didn't know how he knew, he just knew. Raven was hurt because of him. The Adonis thing was his fault no matter which way you looked at it; but Adonis had attacked Raven, he'd attacked her as the beast. He'd done it before. Adonis had done it trying to get at him; she'd just gotten in the way. This situation was too similar for Garfield to dismiss. He'd gone to her, angry; the others should have just let him handle taking down Adonis and helped Raven. She was bleeding, he could smell the blood all the way down the block for crying out loud. Cyborg wanted to get her to med bay and he knew that was the best place for her, he'd just needed reassurance she was okay.

She'd made a joke. _Raven_ had made a joke. Not a stinging retort at his expense, a freaking _joke. _Nothing could scare him as badly as that, not that he didn't play it off. It meant, however, that she was in a bad way but was trying to make light of it for him…them, for all of them. She'd attempted to calm Starfire when something _else_ happened. Poor girl couldn't catch a break. He might not have understood most of what was going on but he understood enough. Starfire was emotional, he was emotional; they all were. Raven was an empath. Empaths sense emotion. Raven was always explaining to him about how she had to meditate (so he needed to be quiet), to control her emotions and to filter out everybody else's from her own. If she was injured, weakened, then her control would be weakened too. She needed away from it all. So he took her away. Screw Boy Wonder and his protocols. Starfire would bring Cyborg and Cy would make Raven better. They'd follow along as soon as they got permission, or Cyborg would snap to and come along anyway, for Raven. Let Robin lecture him about responsibility or some crap and assign him more laps. He deserved some sort of punishment for this mess anyway.

She'd slipped into her healing trance before he'd gotten to the med bay. She stayed that way until Cy kicked him out. And, he'd been informed, he was to go with the assumption she was still that way until somebody told him otherwise. Starfire had promised to tell him the minute something changed. Star took her promises to heart so he could trust her; would trust her since Cy was being a jerk and barring him from the med bay. They may not admit it, but he knew why they wouldn't let him in. They were afraid he'd snap and kidnap her again. He'd only been trying to protect her; he might not have remembered at the time, but Raven had said so herself for crying out loud!

So, forbidden the med bay and on hold for the interrogation, what to do with himself? Find Raven's missing books. If he couldn't help her in any other way, he'd make sure she had something good to wake up to. Maybe she'd even smile…okay, probably not but that didn't mean a guy couldn't hope.

Garfield shifted into a raven, he was feeling sentimental at the moment, and flew off towards the point where they'd found Raven and Adonis fighting. Ignoring the debris, damage, and stares from lookers on, he shifted into a German Sheppard and started looking for which way Raven had come from. He couldn't help but growl at the intermixing of Raven's sweet floral scent and Adonis' beastly, sour scent. He'd gotten way too close a couple of times. As Raven was probably levitating most of the time, he had to settle for following the far less appealing odor of ware-beast to the start of the trail. He found where Adonis had shoved Raven against a wall, taking her by surprise as the smell of flowers and tea leaves pressed in old books had a slight twinge of fear mixed in.

Garfield snuffled around in the surprisingly sparse debris around the building but found nothing. If Raven had been caught off guard, it was possible she'd been reading and walking as she was prone to do. If so, she should have dropped her book around here somewhere. He checked the alley but found nothing before he was struck with an idea. What if she'd phased through the wall and dropped it in there? Garfield shifted into a rat and found a large enough opening he could check out the inside of the building. He was right that she'd been in there, but there was no sign of any books.

He returned to the street and looked around. What was out of place? There was a dumpster that looked fairly beat up. Sure enough it smelled like ware-beast. Checking inside Garfield found lots of loose debris that looked recently swept in. Right on top was a shredded hard-bound book. More than likely that was Raven's, not that he could make out the title, and no way was he going to actually pick it out of the dumpster to check. The bookstore might have a record of what she bought, maybe he could replace it?

Decided, Garfield headed to Raven's favorite bookstore, able to catch her floral scent, even in human form where she'd brushed up against a building while walking. Upon reaching the store he entered and ignoring all the paraphernalia for the new _Dark Stalkers_ release, approached the checkout counter. A friendly looking girl started to address him before looking up, "Welcome, how can I—Mr. Beast Boy!"

"Um, hi."

"Wow, two Titans in one day! How's Miss Raven, I heard about the fight on my break, is she okay?"

"Yeah, a little roughed up, but she'll be okay." he swallowed his guilt and the feeling that he was lying about Raven. She'd be okay, she had to be.

"That's good news. So, what can I do for you?"

"Um, you don't by any chance know what Raven bought do you? She didn't have any books with her when we got there."

"Oh no, she lost the present? She purchased the new _Dark Stalkers_ graphic novel for somebody named Garfield. One of my co-workers said she fought off an ubber-nerd for it."

"Wait, what?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah, apparently he tried to snatch it from her hands, but she wouldn't let go. Gave the guy a lecture about getting to the store earlier or reserving copies ahead of time." Yeah, that definitely sounded like Raven. He smiled at the thought. "He even offered to buy it from her; she said if she hadn't been getting it for somebody else she would have given it to him, but it was a present. I gift-wrapped it myself."

"Oh, uh, no. She still had the wrapped book; I was talking about _her_ books." Had she really gone to all that trouble for _him_?

"They're here. Miss Raven had four books but three of them were far too large to carry around town so she left them to be delivered."

"That one! I mean, the forth one; she took it with her?"

"Started reading it before she made it to the door."

"Any way you could get me a copy? Hers got destroyed by the big ugly guy she was fighting."

"Oh, of course!"

"And her other books too; I want her to have something nice to look forward to until she gets the all clear to rejoin the team's missions."

"Hmm, I'm not really supposed to do that without the customer's consent."

Garfield cocked an eyebrow at her, leaning an arm against the counter he smirked down at her, "Do you really think I'm going to do something to piss Raven off? I mean, it's _Raven_."

She giggled at him, looking up through her lashes, "Good point. And she _is_ one of our best customers…it would save her the delivery tab…" The girl glanced around, "Okay, just don't tell my supervisor."

"My lips are sealed." he grinned at her. The girl looked up Raven's purchase to make sure she fetched the proper books, though that was more formality than anything as Raven was the only person who would purchase thousand page books on who-knew-what, and wrung up the replacement.

"Do you want it gift-wrapped?" Thinking about the brown paper package in his room Garfield nodded. The girl pulled out plain brown paper and white twine, wrapping Raven's book with practiced ease. "The card?"

"I'll just sign it." The girl glanced up sharply at him. "What?" he asked confused.

"Sorry, just…I had a feeling of déjà vu for a second."

Garfield laughed at her, "You often get green dudes requesting books for Goth chicks who both routinely kick butt for a living?"

"Not exactly." she laughed back, handing him a pen. Garfield signed 'Rae', imitating the brevity Raven had used on his, and gave the sales girl back her pen. Eyeing the rather daunting stack of books Garfield loaded up his arms and turned to go. "Wait!" He turned back. "Do you like the _Dark Stalkers_ series?"

Garfield cocked his head to the side, surprised by the question. "It's about this kick ass heroine that has to overcome her dark upbringing to defeat the greatest evil mankind has ever faced; who _doesn't_ like it?" he asked with a grin.

The girl grinned back, "I thought as much. Bye Mr. Beast Boy." Garfield gave her an awkward salute with his arms full before leaving. By the time he made it back to the Tower his arms felt like they were going to fall off; but it was worth it. Garfield stopped by Raven's room to drop off her freakishly large books, spending as little time depositing them on her bed and in her room as physically possible, before heading to the med bay with her wrapped book in hand. As he suspected his way was barred.

"Sorry dude, you know I'm supposed to keep you out."

Garfield grumbled some rather uncomplimentary things about certain bird-brained spiky-haired leaders before shoving the book at Cyborg. "Can you just put this on her nightstand then? Thanks." He turned and stormed off without waiting for Cyborg's agreement. Garfield stomped his way to Robin's office before slamming his fist into the door several times in agitation. When he got no reply he whipped out his communicator. "Beast Boy to Bird Boy, come in Bird Boy."

"What do you want Beast Boy?" Robin growled, looking none-too-happy about Garfield's address to him.

"When are you interrogating Adonis?"

"Cy just sent over Raven's specs so you two can head to the police station as soon as you're ready. And before you ask, no. You can't interrogate Adonis."

Garfield snapped his communicator shut, "Wasn't gonna since I already knew your answer." he muttered angrily. Garfield turned around and headed back to med bay.

"Dude, I just told you—"

"Dude, Robin wants us at the police station for Adonis' interrogation."

Cyborg looked surprised, "He's going to let you—"

"No," Garfield cut him off, "you and I are just watching." he explained, addressing Cyborg's feet. Cy didn't say anything for a moment before he turned to speak to Starfire. Once she knew where they were going and she promised, again, to call immediately should Raven's condition change, they headed off. The trip in the T car was silent, all of Cy's attempts at conversation meeting a disinterested Garfield.

"B, I know you're not happy with any of us right now, but we're all worried about Raven."

"The difference is, you guys get to actually see her." he grumbled, almost growled.

"Dude, you know why we have to have the precautions! Last time—"

"Last time I didn't have control; I do this time!"

"Not from where I was standing this afternoon."

"Then you weren't watching me fight. I shifted back as soon as Adonis was down!"

"You mean as soon as you reached Raven."

"What's the difference?!"

"You mean considering the last time you were the Beast and Raven was hurt you snatched her away; _much like you did this afternoon_?"

"I wasn't in _control_ last time!"

"Man, you're not in control now! You've always taken this Adonis and Beast stuff personally."

"It is personal!" he snarled back.

"You aren't supposed to let things get personal B."

"Yeah, because you and Robin do such a good job following your own rules!"

"That was different, he stole my tech!" Cyborg shot back defensively.

"Adonis stole my DNA! Besides, I was legitimately helping Raven this afternoon. Her shields were cracked; all of our emotions were crushing her."

"And you know this how?"

"As many times as she's lectured me to stop breaking her concentration, and why said concentration is important, I know. She was hurting Cy, I couldn't stand there and argue or explain when she was practically crying. _Raven_ doesn't cry, but that's what she was doing." Cyborg didn't reply so the car lapsed back into silence until they reached the police station. When they approached the officer at the counter they called for somebody to lead them into the room opposite the interrogation room. Robin was already in there staring Adonis down. Apparently he had been in there for a quarter of an hour already, just staring.

"Technique he learned from the bat, I hear." one of the officers commented to his fellows from behind the Titans.

"You don't say?" another asked.

"Yeah, got a cousin stationed in Gotham. The bat makes them sweat for a while until he just barks out his first question and they sing like a bird. Works on the regs every time. Now the metas, that's a whole different game. Doesn't work on the likes of the clown. He always wants to chat and—"

"Do you guys mind?" Garfield barked annoyed at their conversation.

"Sorry." the officer muttered, but quieted.

"Chill B." Cyborg murmured so only his fellow Titan could hear. Garfield merely grumbled incoherently.

"Look man, are we going to get on with this or what?" Adonis finally spoke up. "None of this was my fault, your Robotguy was supposed to fix this."

"Say what he's blaming this on me?" Cyborg demanded.

"Don't take it personally Cy." Garfield shot at him sarcastically.

"Dude, just because Raven's out of commission doesn't mean you need to channel her attitude." Cy snapped.

"Why don't you just tell me what happened today Adonis." Robin said it almost conversationally; if it hadn't been accompanied by the biting undertone, one might have thought he was just shooting the breeze.

"Dude, it's just like I told the cops, I can't remember. I didn't even know the hot Goth chick was there until I was snarling in her face. After that, there's nothing." Garfield couldn't help but growl at his description of Raven.

"Eye witnesses say you said something to her; what was it?"

"I don't know man! One minute I was walking down the street, the next I'm filled with uncontrollable rage. It came out of nowhere! Next thing I know I'm waking up to your ugly mug standing over me and I ache like I got hit by a bus. Several times!" he added agitatedly.

"You did." Garfield smirked. The two guys Raven had saved said so according to Robin.

"I'm supposed to believe that you just randomly blacked out and don't remember attacking a member of my team? What were you after, revenge?"

"You aren't getting it! I've never been in control of that monster. _Your_ guy said I was in the clear and I wouldn't change anymore. Where the hell did that assurance go?"

"Answer the question."

"Like I said, I didn't know she was there til I was snarling in her face, her back against the wall. I didn't even feel my arm swing out and clip her. I was walking down the street, then I was in her face. I didn't even recognize her until just before I passed out. I mean, she's hot, I got that right away, but that she was a Titan didn't register nearly as quickly." he smirked.

"You spoke to her which means you would have been still conscious. What did you say?"

"I-don't-know!" he enunciated clearly. "I was pissed and I don't know why. She smelled bad, if that's any help." he added with a shrug.

"She smelled bad?" Robin asked with shocked disbelief that was quickly turning to fury. "You attacked her because you didn't like her perfume?"

"Dude, that's all I got out of it! I never even saw her till right before everything went black. The smell is all I can remember!"

None of that made any sense, least of all Raven smelling bad. Raven, at least in Garfield's opinion, was by far the best smelling Titan. Cyborg always smelt of oil and his garage, Robin of sweat, spandex and hair gel, and Starfire had an unhealthy obsession with the most overpowering perfumes. Garfield had to let her air out a good hour after spritzing herself before he could be near her without his eyes watering. Raven didn't wear perfume. Whatever soaps she used were unscented or only lightly scented because he'd never felt overwhelmed around her like he did most girls. He didn't care what anybody said, most girls _reeked_. Raven usually smelled of old books and tea. That, and the distinct floral scent he couldn't really pin down. Why on earth would Adonis, or his Beast rather, think she smelled bad? Just earlier in fact, he'd rubbed against—oh no.

"This is pointless." Garfield muttered in a deadened tone, unaware of how much he sounded like Raven just then. "I'm going back to the Tower."

"Dude, Star's not going to let you in. She knows not to."

"Whatever." At this point, Garfield didn't much care if he was never within ten feet of Raven again. He was right all along, it was his fault. He'd scent marked her. He hadn't meant anything by it, all cats did it and most people found it cute! Raven would never admit it but she loved cats more than Starfire did. All he'd wanted was a stupid comic book for crying out loud!

Garfield found himself outside the med bay door without quite knowing how he got there. Starfire's eyes were full of pity, but _Robin_ had said not to let Beast Boy in. "Star, please," he asked in a broken voice, "it's my fault she got hurt. Please, just let me see her, let me apologize." Garfield hadn't been aware he'd been crying until Starfire's warm fingers brushed across his cheeks. A disjointed part of his mind noted that she'd had to reach up to do so.

"Friend Beast Boy, you were not even there; this could not possibly be your fault."

"You're wrong Star. It really is my fault."

Starfire glanced over her shoulder at Raven and sighed. "Very well. I did not agree that you should be kept from her anyway." With that Starfire stepped aside and let Garfield in. He was too numb to even thank her. "I shall just be over here looking out the window should you need me." He was only vaguely aware of her backing off out of earshot. He only had eyes for Raven's bandaged form.

"I'm sorry Rae, so sorry." He knew she couldn't hear him, but he didn't know what else to do. He sat in the chair next to her bed, pulled up his knees to wrap his arms around them and waited. Waited to get kicked out, waited to be sent away, waited for her to wake up; waited for her to hate him. He didn't know how long he waited, he was just aware that some time had passed before the quite was shattered by angry voices.

"Beast Boy, what the hell are you doing in here? You know you're not allowed in the med bay. Starfire you were supposed to keep him out!"

"But Robin—"

"Beast Boy, come on, let's go. No need to piss Robin off any more than he—"

"I don't care how 'forlorn' he looked Star! That was a direct order for Raven's—"

"ENOUGH. This is supposed to be a place of healing. How am I supposed to meditate and _heal_ if you lot are causing such an uproar? You could wake the dead. Beast Boy's the only one being quiet! Am I the only one that sees what's wrong with this picture?!"

Garfield couldn't believe his ears. "Rae." he breathed. She'd been hurt so bad, she should still be out.

"Friend Raven, you have awakened!" Starfire cheered, apparently not all that dismayed at Bird Boy's discontent.

"Kinda hard to sleep through all the _noise_." she snapped irritated. "What's this nonsense about Beast Boy being banned from med bay?"

"It was a precaution against a repeat of last time's—"

"Beast Boy didn't have control then. It's different this time." Garfield's heart swelled at her show of support but deflated again when he realized he didn't deserve it.

"What's your problem?" she asked him rather bluntly. "You're not usually this doom and gloom. That's Raven's job." Her eyes widened, "My! I mean my job."

"Raven, are you okay?" Cyborg asked, approaching with his clipboard.

"She's fine," she said in a calm, strangely lacking in irritation, tone, "she's just recovering from an overload of emotional information. Her shields aren't completely repaired just yet."

"Dude, why are you talking in third person?" Garfield asked concerned.

"Don't worry BB!" Raven chirped…_chirped_, there was no other word for it_._ "RaeRae's fine! She's just not completely in control of all of us!" she laughed with a creepily large smile for her normally stoic face. Oh. _Oh_. Her emotions were taking over. Garfield would never admit it, but Happy freaked him out almost as much as Rage…almost, and only because a happy Raven was a little…creepy.

"Would you all shut up?" she snapped suddenly. "If it's not this lot causing trouble out here, it's you lot causing trouble in here! How is Raven supposed to get any peace of mind if all of us are trying to take over? If we back off she might let us out once in awhile!"

"What do you know!?" she argued back…against herself. Garfield felt as though his head ought to be bobbing back and forth but there was only one arguer in this argument so that wasn't really feasible. "She uses _Wisdom_ all the time. Shut up and crawl back in your book lined box before I destroy you!" she snarled.

"You're one to talk! All she ever expresses is annoyance and anger." That was unfortunately more true than not. "You _always_ get free rein!"

"Do not!"

"Do so!"

"Both of you had better knock it off or I'll make you!" How many different emotions were fighting for control? Garfield had long since lost track.

"You're not the boss of me!"

"Oh, really mature."

Raven groaned and clutched her head. It was kinda surreal watching her argue with herself. Her entire body was engaged, her facial expressions were so…expressive. She turned to them, scowl firmly in place, "If any of you ever bring this up after tonight…they will never find your bodies." Garfield couldn't suppress the shiver that shot down his spine. This didn't have the taste of the idle threat she normally had coloring her ultimatums…With that she took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Now, will one of you please explain what happened after your arrival this afternoon?" Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire all started talking at once and Raven's brow furrowed deeper. "Silence!" She rubbed circles into her temples with her first two fingers, eyes closed. She was levitating, legs crossed, just above her bed. "Robin, if you would."

Robin explained the fight, glossing over some of the fight's details…or a lot of them anyway. He mentioned the mountain of paperwork he worked on while she was brought to med bay, and then he described the interrogation with Adonis. "Mind filling in a few gaps yourself?"

"Honestly, there's not much to tell. I was heading towards the grocery store from the bookstore when I was forced into the side of a building. Adonis became the beast right before my eyes and started attacking me. Nothing seemed to slow him down. I called for back-up and I was taken off guard when my back was turned trying to keep a couple of idiots from being squashed by the car Adonis threw at them."

"Did he say anything to you? Anything about why he was attacking you?"

"Nothing that made any sense. He was snarling in my face and nothing would distract him from trying to tear me limb from limb. I don't have the slightest idea what could have set him off."

"I do." Garfield piped up, albeit very quietly.

"How's that?" Cyborg cocked a brow down at him.

"I'm so sorry Rae! This is all my fault!"

"You weren't even there. You can't possibly—"

"I didn't need to be there to set him off!" Garfiled wailed, gripping his hair in his fists and tugging. "I didn't mean anything by it, I was just doing the face so Raven would get my comic book! How was I supposed to know anybody—anything!—was going to pick up on it! React to it! It was just a stupid coincidence! Adonis shouldn't even be able to turn into that monster!" Garfield was suddenly enveloped in a black mass of energy and shaken slightly. Raven plopped him back in his chair.

"Now, calm down and explain so we can understand you. What happened?" Garfield looked up at her. She had dark circles under her eyes, her brow was furrowed, her eyes scrunched in pain; probably from using her powers. He took several deep breaths.

"I didn't mean anything by it. I was just doing the face. Maybe I got carried away but it shouldn't have mattered. I—"

"What are you talking about B?"

"I scent marked her. It's just something cats do, most people think it's cute but for the cat it's something else. But it shouldn't have mattered!"

"What is this 'scent marking'?" Starfire asked probably assuming she was the only one who didn't know what it meant. Garfield was willing to bet none of them did; he was the only one who seemed to know anything about animals. Then again, that did make some sense.

"Cats, like a lot of animals, produce oil from their whiskers, in their fur, and in their paw pads. They're territorial creatures and they mark their territory a number of ways. When a cat rubs your leg with its face or flanks, they are essentially claiming you as part of their territory…part of their property. But I didn't mean it like that!" he blurted, terrified Raven was going to unleash her full fury on him for his impertinence. "I was just being cute so you'd pick up my comic book, that's all! No one else would have even picked up on it!" Garfield fumed thinking about it, "Of course I couldn't have picked a better freaking animal to do it with could I?"

"What do you mean?" Robin asked, eyes narrowed.

"The ware-beast is more feline than canine. It must have smelled me on Raven and went berserk."

"Why?" Garfield mumbled something incoherent. "Why, Beast Boy?" Robin demanded.

"It's embarrassing, okay!"

"No, it's not okay. Why would that make any difference?"

"Come on BB, it's not like you've never been embarrassed. We make fun of you all the time so suck it up, man, and—"

"It's not embarrassing for _me_!" he snapped, angry at their prodding. Why would it be? Raven was beautiful, smart, and—when she loosened up—great company. What other girl would agree to referee stank-ball for goodness sakes? Raven was awesome, once you got past her anger issues, and any guy would be lucky to be with her…but him? Raven had the right of it, the ears, fangs, being _green_…what girl in her right mind would ever look twice at him? Only one and look how _that_ turned out! The only reason Terra had ever been interested in him was because she'd been using him to spy on the Titans! Besides, Adonis wasn't the only one who could turn into a monster after all.

"Beast Boy, it's okay." He looked up to see Raven watching him calmly, "I already know what you're trying to say. You can tell them, I'm not mad."

"How can you not be mad? He attacked you because he thought you were…that we were… that you and I…"

"He thought your 'claim' meant that we were mates." she finished for him. Garfield's face felt on fire.

"WHAT?! Where the hell would he get a crazy idea like that? Raven can't stand the grass stain." Cyborg howled with laughter. Garfield's embarrassment skyrocketed. He knew Raven was way out of his league, laughing at the very idea was far from necessary thank you very much Cyborg.

"Regardless," Robin broke in, "why would he attack Raven?"

"Adonis' Beast sees me as a threat, a rival. I'm not entirely sure why, but then I—my Beast reacts the same way to his. He would see anything of 'mine' as fair game, especially my…especially someone I claimed as special." For some reason he just couldn't bring himself to say the 'm' word.

"So if you'd rubbed your head on Starfire he would have attacked her?" Cy asked curious, ignoring Robin's death glare.

"Um…"

"Well?" Robin prompted, interested despite himself.

"I—I don't think so."

"Why not?" Raven asked.

"Well, no offense Star, but you reek of those perfumes you like. I honestly don't think I could bring myself to rub my head on you. I'd never get the smell out of my fur. Even if I did," he continued hastily, "I doubt my scent would be strong enough to be smelled over the perfume. There's also the fact that Star doesn't smell human, when you can smell _her_. I don't think the ware-beast would register Star's…potential?" he wasn't sure if that was the best way to describe it, "to be a viable mate."

"Raven's not entirely human, doesn't that make a difference?" Robin queried.

"Not enough of one." he retorted shortly. There were, after all, many parallels between demons and beasts.

"Okay, then what about some random girl on the street, say you bumped into her?" Cyborg pressed.

"Again, probably not."

"Why not?"

Garfiled ducked his head, "The scent marking would have to be deliberate, using an animal's scent glands. IF I rubbed my face on some random girl he MIGHT think her my mate but…" Garfield really didn't like the implications of what he was about to say, "but, Adonis expressed interest in Raven before. I think his beast got so angry because he...he was attracted to her before."

"Say what?" Cyborg squeaked in surprise.

"Come again?" Raven demanded in alarm.

"Well, he was hitting on you in the warehouse before the chemical spill…Um, animals can sense hormones." Geeze, could this get any more embarrassing?

"Beast Boy, these 'hormones', can you sense them when not in animal form?" Really Starfire!? You _had_ to ask?

"I'd really rather not answer that." Which of course was answer enough for everybody else if Robin's flushed face and Cyborg's devious smirk were anything to go by. At least Rae couldn't fault him for it, she had it even worse being able to sense the feelings brought on by hormones directly.

"So," Robin cleared his throat to rid himself of the cracking in his voice, "Adonis' Beast woke because it smelled a…claim on Raven, your claim, and it felt the need to challenge it?"

"Basically." Garfield sighed, "So really, all of this is my fault. I'm sorry Raven."

"Don't be stupid. This is hardly your fault."

"Uh, you've been listening haven't you?" She shot him a look and he shrank in on himself.

"There is no sense pointing fingers and laying blame. If there were we could blame Cyborg for his serum not working, myself for not paying attention to my surroundings, Starfire for having too much perfume for Adonis to like _her_, and given enough time I'm sure I could find all sorts of blame to heap upon Robin." Raven raised her voice over the complaints, "The point is," she stressed, "that what's done is done and there's no point laying blame. We need to move on. Cyborg will develop a new serum to either get rid of Adonis' Beast or bury it so deep it can't get out ever again. Should that fail," she hesitated, probably not liking what she was about to suggest, "I could always enter his mind and remove the Beast myself."

There were a chorus of denials and arguments and Raven resorted to rubbing her temples again. She looked like she hadn't slept in weeks. If he was honest, she looked like crap. The last thing she needed was to deal with all of this right now. Standing in his seat Garfield stuck two fingers in his mouth and blew a high pitched whistle. "Guys! It's late. Raven's been to hell and back, we're all tired, and the last thing we need to do is discuss this anymore tonight. Let's go to bed and talk about this in the morning."

"Beast Boy, the voice of reason, who'd have thought?" Cy joked. He gave Raven one last look over before announcing she had to stay in the med bay tonight before retiring to bed. Starfire gave Raven a relatively gentle hug before leaving herself. Robin cast one last look at them before he followed her. Garfield scuffed his shoes before also turning to leave.

"Beast Boy." He stopped, ears straining for any sound from behind him. "Stay." So he did.

* * *

**AN: Please review!**


	3. A War Within

**Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me.**

* * *

"I wanted to address a couple of things without the others here. I hope that's alright." Raven wasn't exactly looking forward to this. There were few things she hated more than talking about feelings. She'd spent the majority of her life suppressing them and pretending she couldn't feel them after all. But Beast Boy, it wasn't his fault, and it wasn't right to let him feel like it was. She was aware that his humor and upbeat attitude were mostly a front to hide his inner pain, but most of the time he was so immersed it those feelings he was projecting that his inner pain was almost dormant. Now though, now it was a dam threatening to burst. She wasn't used to so much sorrow, anger, hurt, and self-loathing coming from Beast Boy. Robin sure, but _Garfield_? She didn't like it. It was like…Starfire kicking puppies, unnatural.

"Sure Raven." Beast Boy reseated himself by her bed and waited patiently. His ears, his whole demeanor really, were drooped as if he were the puppy expecting a kick. Frankly, it kinda pissed her off. Was that really how they all saw her? That she hated them all and wanted to inflict pain and suffering upon them? Raven took a couple of deep breaths, calming and reining in all of her negative emotions. Feeling sorry for herself wasn't going to make Beast Boy feel any better. "Rae, are you okay? You seem kinda…conflicted."

"Funny, the same could be said for you." At least he was back to using her nickname, that was a good sign. "I mean it Garfield. This wasn't your fault." He looked surprised at her use of his real name. Good, she needed him to take this seriously. "You couldn't have known that Adonis was out on the streets. You couldn't have known Cyborg's 'cure' didn't actually work. You couldn't have known your attempt to…charm a favor out of me would trigger Adonis' Beast to wake. You couldn't have known any of this was going to happen, or even that it _could_ happen. Blaming yourself isn't going to undo any of the things you weren't even responsible for. And to be perfectly honest, you're projecting and it's driving me crazy."

Beast Boy flushed but otherwise didn't react save for embarrassment and shame momentarily overpowering his other emotions. "I didn't mean for that to sound like it did, I'm sorry." she sighed.

"Nah, it's okay Rae."

"No, it isn't. You're trying to make me feel better, and I'm doing a rather poor job reciprocating. I just…" she sighed again, "I'm not very good at this." she admitted.

Beast Boy smiled, his hurt feelings receding a little as exasperated fondness pushed itself to the forefront, "You just need more practice Rae."

"I also…Cyborg's comment was out of line, and inaccurate." she admitted quietly.

"Uh…"

"It's not that I can't stand you, I can." Wait, that sounded really bad actually. "Um, that came out wrong." She sighed resting her head in one of her palms.

Beast Boy gave a self-depreciating chuckle, "I get what you're saying Raven."

"No, I really don't think you do." Raven sighed again, she _really_ didn't want to be having this discussion. "You won't believe me."

"Believe you about what?"

"That you…I consider you my closest friend." Beast Boy's jaw dropped and his eyes bugged out. He couldn't get a coherent word, let alone sentence, past his sputtering. "See? I told you you wouldn't believe me."

"But I—you—how?" he finally managed.

"I don't have much interaction with people outside of…the Titans really." she admitted after a moment of consideration. "Starfire is wonderful, I acknowledge that, but I can only handle her in small doses. Everything she does or says or thinks is tied to her emotions. She _feels_ everything, and with such _intensity_. When I go to the mall with her I have to spend an extra three hours meditating to overcome the overwhelming _force_ of her emotions. Cyborg is fine. His emotions I can handle but we don't really have anything we can talk about to any depth. I do try to connect with him, I help him with his car sometimes, but most of the time I feel I'm more hindrance than help and he merely tolerates my presence because he's either afraid of me or he realizes I'm trying and pities me for the attempt. Robin is…well to be perfectly honest, a prick, not that I'm one to talk." Beast Boy snorted at that. "He doesn't mean to be, but I'm fairly certain it's a trait he couldn't help but pick up from his old mentor. He has good qualities, many in fact. After being inside of his head, I understand him far better and we've grown closer. But, I don't know how to explain it. He's a good companion but again, small doses are best. _Especially_ if there is any reference to Starfire anywhere in the vicinity. He is unbearable when he thinks about her."

"So, process of elimination…but…I annoy the crap out of you." He was incredibly confused. On the bright side, most of his painful emotions were reentering their usual dormancy.

"You do have the tendency to annoy me." she admitted. "But there's more than that. I…truth be told I'd really rather _not_ be having this discussion but I feel I owe it to you."

"No Rae, you don't have to—"

"I do Garfield. You won't understand unless I do. My discomfort is a small price to pay for…" she wasn't really sure what exactly it was she was trying to do. 'For you to feel better' just didn't fit. It cheapened what she was trying to accomplish. Unable to find an adequate explanation she moved on. "You can and do get on my nerves. You're loud, disruptive, and can be a real pain in my side…but, if that was all that you were I really wouldn't be able to stand you. That, I assure you, is not the case. The opposite really.

"Garfield, you don't let me take myself too seriously. Everyone else skirts around me; tiptoes. You either bulldoze right through or you tiptoe so mockingly that I can't take it seriously. You piss me off almost daily but no matter the consequences, you don't let that stop you. You 'cower' from me and profess being afraid of me more than anybody else but, simultaneously, I have always felt the least fear from you out of all our friends.

"You always…" Raven was having a hard time keeping her emotions in check. She'd had a trying day after all, but she would be damned if she wept in front of him. "You always try to include me, even when I refuse. Sometimes I push you too far and you'll get angry but…you always try again. You've never…" she took a deep breath to force her emotions down, "you've never outright rejected me and I…I have always regretted when I have of you. I've never encountered anyone who tries so hard, so hard to spread happiness to everyone he encounters. Even to those who throw it back in your face. You are always trying to make me laugh and my rejections only ever seem to make you try harder…I…I really appreciate it. I know I never tell you so." she sighed again, glancing up through her lashes at his incredulous face.

"You have absolutely no reason to believe any of what I'm saying is true. I wouldn't blame you if you laughed at me but, it's the truth. I guess…I…it's just that you _do_ try harder to make me laugh when I refuse to admit I think you're funny and I'm afraid that if I ever were to admit it you'd…stop trying." she finally admitted in a small voice. Her cheeks were aflame. Embarrassment was running wild through her head scattering her other emotions to the wind. She wanted nothing more than to curl up and vanish or maybe crawl into a dark hole that would swallow her. Anything to be anywhere else but here. She really didn't think she'd survive the mortification should he actually start laughing at her. As it was her face was buried in her hands and she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She'd have never thought anything could bring her to lay herself so bare, make herself so vulnerable. But his pain, she couldn't take his pain. It wasn't right that somebody who tried so hard to make the world a better place for everybody else should have such horrors in his own world. She'd never wanted to help somebody so badly before. She knew what it was like to hate yourself; she just couldn't stand that feeling coming from _him_. It wasn't right. It felt so _unnatural_.

"Rae." Why wasn't there an alert or lighting striking her down? Anything to postpone her utter humiliation at what she'd just done rearing up and flaunting his contempt, or worse pity, for her. "Rae, will you please look at me?" She couldn't. She shook her head, curling in on herself just a little more. What the hell was wrong with her? She'd never have done this under _normal_ circumstances. She would not curl in a ball and weep damn it! One of her emotions had better rein timid in or she was going to lose it. Beast Boy heaved a sigh, that couldn't be a good sign. "Rae, I get that you're embarrassed, but so am I. Doesn't that make you feel any better?" She shook her head. Thinking about it, she supposed that she was probably creating a positive feedback loop. She projected her embarrassment to him, he got embarrassed and she picked up on it adding to her own feeling of embarrassment which she then projected to him, and repeat. She thought to voice this observation but since he continued she stayed silent.

"Rae, I…I don't really know what to say to that. Never in a million years would I have _ever_ guessed you felt that way. But, I got to admit…it kinda makes me feel special." Raven lifted her face to meet his gaze, surprised by the admission. His cheeks were flushed and he was scratching the back of his head in embarrassment, but there was a genuine smile on his face. The fang peaking out due to his slight under bite made his expression rather adorable. Raven threw a mental brick at Affection with the command to shut the hell up. She was making it hard to focus. "I mean, you don't exactly make a habit of letting people know how you feel about them unless it's…well, negative. And to be perfectly honest, I really thought Cyborg had the right of it."

Raven reburied her face, Shame coming out to play. She was a horrible person and this was the proof. The person she felt closest too thought she hated him. "But I'm really glad to learn that he's wrong!" he added hastily. "I mean, I knew you didn't _hate _me, but the fact that you actually enjoy my attention? That you think I'm funny!" he crowed, "is totally awesome Rae!" She felt his gloved fingers pulling her hands away from her face, his other hand tilting up her chin so she was looking into his eyes. "And just so you know, now that I know you think I'm funny, I'm going to try even harder to make you laugh." His smile was so genuine, the laughter in his eyes so clear, his feelings so earnest, Raven couldn't help herself. She smiled. Not the small smile she used when others weren't looking, not the devious smirk when she was about to beam somebody with the stank ball, not even the normal smile she used to really express herself when the occasion called for it. This was an honest to goodness, happy to feel included and belonged smile. She could feel the smile warming her whole person. It pushed up her cheeks, stretched and thinned her lips, her teeth peaking out, and crinkled her eyes. All in all, it was a very novel experience for her.

"Wow Rae, you should smile more often. It's a good look for you." She opened her eyes to see Beast Boy looking at her with a dazzled expression, his hand still holding her chin. She felt her cheeks flush and suddenly felt flustered all over.

She hastily smoothed her already smooth hair behind her ears, looking away; it was only her nerves that were frazzled. She stated briskly, "Don't think that this changes anything. Tomorrow I'm going back to my normal brooding self who gets annoyed and yells at you and won't admit you're funny." She hesitated, "I trust this won't be taken as reflecting judgment upon you, just that it is the easiest way for me to interact with you without feeling overwhelmed."

"It's okay to feel Rae."

"No it's not."

"It is." he insisted. "Your father's gone and he can't hurt you anymore. You can let yourself feel. Sure, it'll be hard in the beginning. It'll feel overwhelming and uncomfortable. You'll need practice. But Rae, you'd be so much happier if you could feel what you've been missing. If you could let yourself laugh at one of my jokes, if you could go shopping with Starfire without the extra meditation, if you could let your mischievous side out to prank Cyborg, if you could tell Robin you think he's a prick to his face and let me watch." His grin took over his face at that. "There are so many wonderful things you miss out on because you're so consumed with keeping your emotions in check. You may be half demon, but you're half human too, Rae. Humans are _meant_ to feel. We're your friends Rae, we'll help you. I'll help you." he promised.

Raven closed her eyes on her tears. What was she supposed to say to that? At least she'd accomplished her goal. Garfield was so consumed with helping her he'd completely forgotten why he'd been upset with himself. "If you're nervous about it, we could start off slow. We don't need to tell the others until you're ready. You and me, we'll practice, and when you're comfortable we can have Starfire help. She'd love that. We'll work our way up, how's that sound?" He elbowed her playfully, "Tell you what, I'll even come up with all new jokes."

She smiled, "You'd really do that? You'd put up with me being uncomfortable and expressing it by being moody, annoyed, temperamental, lashing out, yelling at you, all of it?"

"Of course, I already do." she shoved him playfully.

"I mean it. I don't want to hurt your feelings but I'm assuredly going to lash out if we do this. I don't want this to be too much for you."

"That's what baby steps are for. I tell you a few jokes. When you get annoyed I'll give you a smile and a wink and go on my way. Eventually we'll be able to get through a whole conversation, I'm sure of it!"

Raven smiled softly. She appreciated it, really, but she was going to lose it if they kept talking about it. She cast her eyes around for something to change the subject to and her eyes alighted on a brown wrapped package on her nightstand. "Oh! I completely forgot, this is yours." She reached over and picked up the book, trying to hand it to him.

He smiled but didn't take it. "Are you sure?"

Her brow furrowed, "Yeah, it's that graphic novel you wanted. I picked it up today before the whole Adonis thing."

"Hmm, I don't think so. Better check the tag." Annoyed Raven opened the card, determined to shove it in his—'Rae'. Why on earth was her name in the tag? She distinctly remembered writing 'Garfield'. That wasn't even her handwriting…her eyes widened. Beast Boy chuckled. "Open it." She did and found the book she'd purchased earlier and hadn't been able to get into because of her curiosity at his book. She looked up at him confused. He smiled softly, but it was a sad smile. "Your copy got destroyed in the fight; I found it in a dumpster. My book was in the bag around your wrist, safe and sound. I, uh, got you another." He rubbed the back of his head self consciously, "The sales girl promised it was the same book. Rae, I'm sorry, please don't cry."

Raven was startled to realize she _was_ crying. She wiped a tear and then stared at her hand in confusion. This was such a nice thing he'd done, without being asked. He'd cared enough to track down her book and then replaced it. Before she'd told him how important he was to her. Before she'd told him she didn't hate him. She looked up at him, unable to comprehend what she was supposed to do at this moment. Well, he said he was willing to help… "Garfield, what am I supposed to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"You did this nice thing for me. I…it really means a lot to me that you cared enough to track down my book, and then replaced it. What do I do? How do I…" she didn't even know what to ask, how pathetic did that make her? 'Thank you' just seemed so…inadequate for what he'd done for her. But then, it wasn't like the monks on Azarath had ever expected she'd be in the situation of having someone do something so selfless for her. She was a freaking demon for goodness sakes. Raven hated being so emotionally stunted, even if it had been necessary for the survival of an entire world.

"Um, normally I'd suggest a hug but you—oof" His sentence ended abruptly as Raven threw her arms around him. Affection was going to get her ass kicked next time she visited Nevermore. _Please, you ought to be thanking me_. _And him. In a fact I bet a great thank you would be a ki—oof!_ Embarrassment had tackled Affection as if they were engaged in emotional football.

"Thank you, Garfield." she mumbled into his shirt, embarrassed and not really sure how long hugs were supposed to last; she'd only ever really initiated the one…when Garfield had come to comfort her after Malchior's betrayal. She wasn't entirely sure what had caused her to hug him then, it had just happened. She'd needed someone to be there, hold her, and tell her everything was going to be alright. This was…different. She didn't need reassurance this time, she needed to express thanks. She was starting to feel awkward but then, slowly, Garfield's arms snaked up her back and he held her close. Raven didn't really want to admit it but…hugs were nice. Maybe not Starfire hugs, but Garfield's hugs at least were very pleasant. She felt…warm.

"You can call me Gar, Rae." he smiled into her hair.

"Huh?" she asked, pulling back. He released her.

"You've never really called me Garfield before now. But since you are, I'm giving you permission to shorten it to 'Gar', I get the feeling you won't unless I 'invite' you to." he snickered, putting air quotes around 'invite'.

"Oh. Okay."

"You don't have to, if it's too…endearing for you." he smirked at her. He looked good when he smiled. It warmed his whole face. That must be what he meant by a smile being a good look for her.

"No, it'll be…good practice, to refer to you less formally."

"Uh huh." he smiled wider.

"Yes, I'll implement it in our practice."

"Sure." his grin was nearly overtaking his face at this point.

"What?"

"You haven't said it yet." he shrugged with a smirk. "Are you going to?"

"Of course. During practice."

"We're not practicing right now?"

"I think you should head to bed."

He chuckled, "Whatever you say Rae." Garfield got up and stretched. He smiled down at her. "I'll start working on some new jokes." She rolled her eyes. "Night Rae." He shocked them both by giving her a peck on the forehead. Unlike Raven however, Garfield had lots of practice letting embarrassment roll off his shoulders and not let it bother him. He smiled and waved and left the room.

Ever so quietly, just before the whoosh of the automatic door would have drowned it out, a quite, "Goodnight Gar." drifted to his ears. Raven could feel his smug satisfaction through the door. He almost seemed…excited about this. Garfield just really liked helping people. Even in her head she felt like 'Gar' was too forward, too personal. That was okay, he said that was what baby steps were for. She could work up to it.

Raven had been sleeping most of the afternoon and night, or, if not sleeping, lying unconscious. As such, she wasn't so tired that she felt she could go back to sleep, no matter how much her head ached. Unfortunately, the ache didn't have a physical cause so her trance couldn't heal it. She knew that she ought to use the time and quiet to meditate. Her mind was still in chaos. Her shields still shattered. Her emotions and control frayed far past the dangerous point. But the turmoil in her mind, which the meditation was meant to soothe, made her far too restless to meditate. Perhaps it was simply due to the setting? The med bay was quiet, but not silent. There were many small electronic noises, beeping, whirring, chiming alerts. The room was a place of healing but the ambiance wasn't one of tranquility and calm. Maybe the lack of books? Unable to bring herself to meditate Raven decided to ignore Cyborg's orders and left the room, Garfield's gift absently carried beneath her arm.

It wasn't her room that Raven found herself retiring to but the roof. The air was cool, calm, peaceful. The night was still. This had merit. Raven often came to the roof for peace and quiet, but often she had the others to contend with. Starfire loved to stargaze, looking for familiar star systems from Earth's point of view. Often she was overwhelmed with homesickness and Raven found that it was far too painful to be anywhere near the other girl at such times. Robin also frequented the roof. Even he wasn't immune to becoming stir crazy in that office of his. Often he'd need to seek the fresh air and solace of the roof to clear his mind and relax enough for his overtaxed mind to regroup before he dove into his work once more. Cyborg and Garfield frequented the roof far less often, usually to play volleyball or some other activity. That being said, Raven wasn't unaware of Garfield's tendency to launch himself from the top of the tower for a thrill. Granted he always changed into something to pull out of the fall, but that didn't mean it didn't scare the daylights out of her to see him plummet past her window without warning.

At this particular time of night, or morning rather, Raven was almost guaranteed the privacy and solitude she sought. Almost. As the door opened and Raven stepped out onto the roof, she was mostly unsurprised to find their fearless leader standing at the edge staring out over the city. "Aren't you supposed to be in med bay?" his voice drifted out from the darkness, relieved only by the stars and a sliver of moon. How he knew it was her without turning to look was probably only a process of elimination and logic. It shouldn't impress her at all, even if it actually did.

"I spent most of the day and night sleeping," she shrugged, "that doesn't much lend itself to more sleeping."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"Good." They lapsed into silence. Normally Raven would let it go. She'd either head for her room and leave him to the solitude he was obviously after or retreat to a far corner to read or meditate. But she couldn't just leave this. Robin had acted wrongly yesterday with regards to Garfield and it needed to be brought to his attention. "Well," he interrupted her thoughts, "I'm heading to bed, you ought to as well." Robin passed her to enter the doorway. As he brushed past her she caught a glimpse into his emotional turmoil. It rocked her. Robin was already down the stairs before she was able to pull herself together again.

It was a bad idea. No matter which way she looked at it, it was a horrible idea. But it nagged at her. She should wait; recuperate before trying to take on such a task. But Garfield's pain reared up to taunt her. His hurt, his guilt, his heartwarming offer to work with her about controlling her emotions. He had pushed aside all of his personal problems in the face of hers. He'd done it without a thought, without hesitation. He was hurting but ignored it and offered up to her his aid. He didn't even expect anything in return. It was just him doing what he did, trying to help others in any way he could, even at his own expense. Not that she thought it was a good idea to ever try to compare herself to him, but what did that say about her that when presented with the opportunity to help him in return she balked?

Granted, the timing wasn't ideal as she wasn't exactly in the best shape to have a knock out, drag down, emotional battle with one of the worst emotional offenders in the Tower but if she waited too long the opportunity might pass her for good. It needed to be while the others weren't around to witness it. Robin would never admit he was in the wrong in front of witnesses, especially the team. He'd see it as undermining his authority. Then again, he was also probably asleep by now. After thinking for some several moments Raven decided that she would approach their leader first thing in the morning. Decided, she returned to med bay no longer so restless and actually almost tired enough to sleep. Instead she chose to meditate and repair her shields as best she could and think over what she'd say on the morrow.

}{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{

First thing in the morning came and Raven checked herself out of med bay. Cyborg wouldn't like it but that was just too bad. Determined, if not wholly refreshed, Raven set out to find the Boy Wonder. She stretched out her awareness and sensed him near the training room thus directed herself there, more tired out by the exercise of her powers then she wanted to admit. It was almost alarming how much effort it took. She decided she'd worry about it later. Robin was apparently just finishing his early morning routine; she caught him on his way out.

"Robin, I wish to speak to you about yesterday."

"I'm assuming from your tone that you'd like to continue on your rant from the med bay. Your concerns are noted but I think I'll pass on the lecture, thanks." His sarcasm was beyond irritating. Fine, he wanted to have that attitude about it, there was no reason she couldn't accommodate that. He wanted to be pissed; she'd give him something to be pissed at.

"Robin, we need to talk."

"So you can yell at me, no, I don't think so." he deadpanned turning away.

"That wasn't a request." That stopped him in his tracks; he waited, back still turned. "I'm approaching you as a teammate with concern of behavior unbecoming of a Titan; you are obligated and duty bound to hear what I have to say."

"My office, now." he barked, stomping his way there. Raven followed silently. "Alright," he started as soon as the door whooshed closed behind her, "I'm listening, as I'm duty-bound and obligated to do so." he replied sarcastically.

"You owe Beast Boy an apology."

"That's what you wanted to talk to me about?" Raven could feel Robin's anger and frustration. There was also a little resentment mixed in, Robin _hated_ being lectured, but he really hated being wrong.

"Your behavior was out of line, barring Beast Boy from the med bay and ordering the others to do the same."

"That was for your protection, or have you forgotten how he _kidnapped _you last time." Robin snapped.

"Your actions were based on a misinterpretation of past behavior, a misinterpretation that I _thought_ I had cleared up. Beast Boy was acting to protect me."

"By dragging you through the sewers and then trying to take you _again_ from med bay!"

"Beast Boy wasn't in control then, not like this time. Before, Beast Boy was ruled by his Beast and was acting through his subconscious. It's called Psychology Robin, I thought with your last partner you'd be an expert in the subject."

"What's that supposed to mean?" his anger had spiked with that last comment, his eyes narrowed.

"You're not the only one with dossiers on your teammates; you're just not as thorough at hiding the fact."

"What has that to do with Beast Boy?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Beast Boy's Beast is driven mostly by instinct, the instinct to defend, protect, survive. What was he supposed to do when you all attacked him?"

"We didn't know it was—"

"I'm aware of the fact that you didn't know it was Beast Boy and that you were in fact acting in what you thought was my best interests. But I was referring to the fact that Beast Boy only reverted back once you'd knocked out the Beast. While Beast Boy was in control, his conscious mind was also in control and his subconscious, what drives the Beast, was unaware of anything happening. So what was he to think when he woke up surrounded by all of you with me, who he thought he was defending from you, unconscious and unable to defend myself from the people who attacked him? He attacked and tried to take me with him. He didn't know what he was doing was wrong. It's different now."

"And how would you know, you were unconscious when he transformed, this time as well as last time. He completely lost control Raven! He shredded his uniform because he didn't morph, he _transformed_."

"He might have transformed rather than morphed but if he'd lost control he would have killed Adonis and went on a rampage. Is Adonis dead?" When Robin only narrowed his eyes she continued, "Did he attack anyone else? Did he attack any of you? Was he not able to morph back? Did he attack me?" When Robin remained silent she crossed her arms and with more feeling made her point. "What I was awake for was _Beast Boy _coming to my aid angry that none of you had."

"That's not fair, we had to make sure—" Raven raised a hand to cut him off.

"I'm not angry for any lack of aid Robin, I'm aware that if he _had_ lost control he was a higher priority. What I _am_ angry at is that he demonstrated that he _hadn't_ lost control when he morphed back to check on me but you _still_ treated him like he'd gone on a psychotic rampage."

"It was merely a precaution. He wasn't being punished or anything. I fail to see why you're making such a big deal about all this."

"It is a big deal Robin." Raven snapped, fighting to maintain an even temper. Robin definitely knew how to push buttons, the prick. "Barring Beast Boy from the med bay itself might not seem like a big deal, but the consequences of your actions are. Do you have _any_ idea how that made Beast Boy feel? I do. I could feel his resentment, his anger, bitterness, hurt, frustration, his overwhelming guilt…his self loathing. He thinks it's all his fault I got hurt! He's heaped the blame wholly upon his shoulders and refuses to see reason." Raven huffed angrily, rubbing her temples. "Everybody has their demons Robin, but unlike some spiky-haired people, Beast Boy actually tries to come to terms with his. Did you know that after the first time he transformed he came to me and asked me to remove the Beast from his mind?" Robin's shock and surprise were clear despite his oversized mask. "I refused of course."

"Why would you do that if he asked you to?" Robin's tone was one of curiosity, his anger slowly fading.

"Because the Beast isn't some _thing_ that possessed him. It's part of him. I know enough about repressed emotion to know that it can manifest itself in surprising ways. Beast Boy is much closer to nature than the rest of us. Just like his ability is to morph into animals, he's connected to them. He's attuned to them. He maintains his human sentience and existence in animal form but that doesn't mean he doesn't also maintain his more animalistic characteristics in human form. Beast Boy's instincts are unparalleled, even as a human. He may lack the focus to utilize them as efficiently as he's capable of, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have them. The other side of that, unfortunately, is that some instincts are frowned upon by 'civilization'.

"So what does he do? He buries and represses those instincts and anything else remotely 'non-human'. The Beast is all of Beast Boy's repressed characteristics. Everything he's buried in his subconscious. Removing that from him would do untold damage to his mind. None of it is bad or malicious. None of it is anything the rest of us don't also have and also repress. His just tends to be stronger because of his abilities. Because those characteristics are stronger, they have much more power to manifest themselves. The accident just gave them the opportunity. Aggression for example, in small doses it isn't harmful, but if you bottle it up and it explodes, the consequences can be far more damaging compared to releasing it in more healthy ways. But you know all about that. It isn't just for training that you spend all that time in the training room.

"I've explained all of this to Beast Boy and he has been working to accept those things about himself that he previously tried to repress. I didn't remove the Beast, I did however remove the block that prevented his conscious and subconscious minds from communicating with each other. Beast Boy won't lose control again because it is always Beast Boy in control; the Beast is Beast Boy, just a smaller part of his overall psyche." She cleared her throat, "None of this is really any of your business but I felt the need to explain this to you so you'd understand why your actions were unnecessary and wrong. You owe Beast Boy an apology."

"If Beast Boy had been mature about the situation and explained it himself instead of sending you—" he began, angry and defensive before Raven cut him off.

"Beast Boy doesn't even know I'm here! He didn't give me permission to tell you what I have; that was private but I felt it was the only way to make you understand. You've got no right to pass judgment on his conduct Robin! You're not exactly the perfect role model for proper behavior. Need I remind you of your outrageous obsession with Slade and the lengths you went through to get him? Just because Beast Boy doesn't act the way you think he should doesn't mean he doesn't take his job seriously. Just because he likes to be easy going doesn't mean he's incapable of being serious. Just because he's not you, or what you think he should be, doesn't give you the right to disrespect him and undermine the trust he puts in you! You used your position of authority to—"

"That's enough. You have no right to lecture me on how to do my job and be a leader. I made a judgment call based on the facts in my possession. You don't like it, fine, but I expect my team to follow my orders. He was banned from the med bay and violating those orders and acting like a child because his feelings were hurt—"

"How dare you belittle his feelings!" she lit up in anger. Her control on her temper was dangerously frayed. She really ought to leave and meditate to calm down but the fact that he couldn't just admit he was wrong and apologize was beyond ridiculous. "I'm an empath Robin, in case you've forgotten I can sense other people's emotions. You have _no_ idea what he's feeling. You have _no_ idea the turmoil he was in because of his actions and how you reacted to those actions. We're your teammates Robin, and I would have thought by now, after everything we've been through, you'd trust us. Your actions made it very clear you don't trust Beast Boy; and you have the nerve to throw him being upset about that in his face?"

"I never said I didn't trust him!"

"Would you stop being such an ass? You banned him from med bay because you thought he'd kidnap me! He saved my life Robin! And he saved all of your lives yesterday!" She snapped; her eyes and hands glowing with power as her emotions were getting the better of her.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm an empath Robin." she reiterated. "I sense the emotions of others around me. Normally I can filter them from my own and not let them influence me. But you might have missed that I wasn't exactly in the greatest shape after my fight with Adonis. I have to meditate daily to keep my powers in check; I have shields to keep me from losing control. You know what happens when I lose control, you've seen it. Maybe it was the adrenaline from the fight, maybe it was my exhaustion, maybe the emotions roiling around me, probably had to do with the _head _ _injury_ I had, but I wasn't in control Robin. I could _feel_ it all. Hate, resentment, fear, bitterness, joy, sadness, remorse, relief, panic, rage, worry, alarm, triumph, self-loathing, anger, embarrassment, guilt…anything and everything that could be felt was being _felt_. Did you know Starfire _feels_ with everything she is? That she has enough emotion to sustain an army? And she can project like no one I've ever encountered. She was standing _three feet from me_.

"I wasn't in control Robin. I was in a storm of emotion with me at its eye. Emotion was battering me wave after wave, barrage after barrage. I've never been in such pain. My shields had shattered, my head was literally spit open; but I would have welcomed the physical pain if it would have shielded me from all the _feeling._" Raven's emotions were running rampant in her head; Robin's emotions were not helping any either. She really ought to just stop but she needed to get this out. Needed to make him understand. Garfield ought to be the last of Robin's concerns.

"Can you even imagine what would have happened if Beast Boy hadn't intervened? All he thought he was doing was helping me. He even morphed so his emotions would be blunted and not hurt me further. He has no idea—" her voice cracked, she took a couple of deep breaths to hold back her tears, "no idea, that by taking me away, to the calm and quiet of the Tower, that he was saving countless lives. Visualize with me:" she ticked them off her fingers, "your temper, Starfire's intensity, Cyborg's stubborn endurance, Beast Boy's tendency to be unpredictable, the crowd's terror…Can you even begin to _imagine_ the horror that I would have unleashed upon all those people?

"I'm half Demon Robin. I may no longer be possessed by my Father, but he is still my sire. I have to spend every day overcoming my heritage. Well within my capabilities normally, but yesterday wasn't a normal day, was it? He had no idea that by trying to ease my pain he was saving countless lives. I doubt he could ever even imagine what I'm capable of, but you," she looked him dead in the eye, "you can. All too clearly. You've seen it before. You're picturing it now, I can feel it. Your horror, your disgust, your realization. Beast Boy's control isn't what you ought to be worrying about. Beast Boy's behavior isn't what should concern you. Beast Boy's not the one you can't trust. You don't even know if you'd be able to stop me if that happened Robin, not without resorting to something permanent.

"What you're feeling, what you're picturing…like you, it will haunt me for the rest of my days. That's why this is a big deal. That's why I'm being so insistent that you apologize to Beast Boy. He's not a monster, I know firsthand what a monster is," she got up in his face, making sure that he got this point quite clearly even if that did mean he would see the water threatening to overflow from her eyes, "and I will not stand by and let him think himself one. I will not let him think you think him one. Beast Boy doesn't deserve it and I'll not allow it. I'm an empath Robin, I know exactly how he feels and you couldn't even begin to understand the motivation behind it. Beast Boy doesn't have a single malicious thought in his head, which is more than I can say for the vast majority of everyone else. He is the last person who deserves to feel the way he feels. Either you apologize and make this right or I will make life very unpleasant for you. Unlike Beast Boy, I'm more than capable of being malicious. But you already know that." Raven backed off, blinking quickly and breathing deeply. She would not cry, no one would _ever_ see her cry. She made that mistake before and it had been used against her. She'd made the mistake before and would not be repeating it. Ever. Last night with Garfield didn't count since she hadn't been upset per se...She turned to leave.

"Raven." she hesitated. Robin wasn't a bad guy, even if he did have a stick up his ass, but then, who was she to talk after all? So she waited, completely blocking anything and everything he was feeling, trying to keep in control. "Why do you feel so strongly about this?" He didn't sound mad anymore, concerned actually.

Without turning she answered, "I can't change how anyone sees me Robin, but I can change how you see him. He looks up to you, admires you. I don't want your perceptions of him to diminish his perceptions of you. He doesn't need to feel like another authority figure looks down on him. You saw how the leader of the Doom Patrol treated him. I _felt_ how that made him feel. I never want him to feel that again." With that she left him and teleported to her room.

Once in her room her deep breaths became gasps for air. She clutched her head with both hands, squeezed her eyes shut, and tried to find enough focus to chant. She needed to calm down. Objects were already whizzing around her room from the excess power she couldn't keep contained. Robin was lucky she hadn't made anything explode in his room. And to add insult to injury she was crying. No amount of blinking would keep the tears at bay. Why did anyone _want_ to feel when this was the result? She was really reconsidering her agreement with Garfield. Her gasps were threatening to turn into sobs and she really didn't think she could bring herself to endure that. This was the advantage to being numb all the time; sure you didn't ever feel overwhelming joy, but was that really worth it when the trade off was _this_?

All those people. All she could think about was what would have happened if Garfield hadn't been worried about _her_, trying to help _her_, they would have been…a sob lodged in her throat choking her. She knew _exactly_ how Garfield felt, the difference was that he didn't deserve to. He wasn't a monster. He couldn't be if he tried. Not that he lacked the capacity to be dangerous, what he lacked was the desire to be. Raven _wished_ she wasn't dangerous. She wished that when her subconscious manifested it wasn't to the endangerment to everyone around her; that it didn't desire to destroy everything. Garfield's Beast was downright _tame_ compared to her Demon.

None of that would matter, however, if she didn't get control of herself. What had possessed her to attempt this with downed shields? By now most of her books, knickknacks, and other smaller random objects were floating about the room, more or less revolving around her. That was both a good and bad sign. It was good because that mean that some of the chaos in her mind was attempting to be less chaotic, but it was bad because it meant she was far from being in control; of her emotions or her powers. A very dangerous combination. Raven, still clutching her head, gasping and sobbing, bent all of her will to forcing down her emotions. It didn't matter what Garfield said or promised, it was just too dangerous for her to let her emotions have any freedom. If it meant she had to exist solely as an empty shell to keep everyone around her safe, she'd do it, in a heartbeat. She'd dedicated her whole life to preventing Trigon's rein; she'd be damned if now that he was defeated she'd end up doing the deed herself.

Raven forced her emotions down, lashing them down in her mind with bonds of her dark energy. She hadn't expected them to fight back. Her emotions did not appreciate the idea of losing what little freedom they had and they would not accept it without a fight. Banding together they threw off her bindings and raged through her mind. Any semblance of control shattered and the objects floating around her room began to whiz about and collide violently. She could feel her powers swelling within her, a backlash of what she'd applied to tie down her emotions. She fought to contain it, terrified of what damage its release would do. It was a battle she knew she wasn't going to win. The pressure of it building in her mind dropped her to her knees with a pained cry. All of her consciousness, all her awareness, was bent to the task to bury the building power. If she could overload it within herself, before it was released, that might stop—

"Raven!" A pounding on her door and the shout distracted her and her defenses were overwhelmed. Her dark energy exploded from her mind, reverberated throughout her room and she found herself in darkness.

* * *

**AN: So let me know what you guys think! I'm working on my chapters as much as I can and I'll update as soon as I get my editing done on completed chapters.**


	4. Best Laid Plans

**Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me.**

* * *

"Beast Boy…Beast Boy…_Beast Boy_!" Ugh, what was that awful racket? Garfield sat up and knocked his head on the ceiling.

"OW!" Man! Ever since he'd had that growth spurt he tried to avoid falling asleep on his top bunk. But then, his bottom bunk was full of junk that he hadn't felt like cleaning up last night. The knocking and calling came again and grumbling Garfield made his way to his door. He was surprised when Robin was revealed behind whooshing door number one. "Dude, do you even know what time it is?" Since Garfield realized he didn't he glanced at his seldom used alarm clock. It was before seven, _in the morning_. Ugh, why did he have to be cursed with morning people teammates?

"Beast Boy, I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I was hoping you would anyway." Something in Robin's tone told Garfield that it would be a mistake to keep complaining about the ungraciously early call.

He shrugged, "Come on in, dude." Garfield looked around his disheveled room. "I'd apologize for the mess, but I bet you were expecting it anyway." he shrugged again.

"Beast Boy, I wanted to apologize for yesterday." Garfield did a double take. Robin was apologizing? To him? Of all people? Did he wake up somewhere in the Twilight Zone?

"Um, okay?" he hedged.

Robin sighed, "I shouldn't have banned you from med bay. I was being overly cautious, as I'm want to do, and didn't take into consideration how you would feel about it. Since I didn't have time to sit and analyze the situation, I gave blanket orders and expected everybody to be okay with them. I based those orders on a misinterpretation of your past actions. You showed that you were in control yesterday and I should have given you the benefit of the doubt instead of overreacting, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to think that I don't trust you Beast Boy."

Garfield was stunned. Robin was apologizing, basically because he thought he hurt his feelings. Granted that was true, but he expected Robin of all people to just tell him to suck it up or grow up. But to apologize? Besides, it wasn't like he deserved one. "I appreciate the gesture Rob. Really, it means a lot to me that you'd come here and apologize. But, I don't deserve it."

Robin raised a brow and crossed his arms, "Why's that?"

"It's my fault Raven got hurt. Even if it was only indirectly I deserve to pay for that. If I hadn't have been so immature about the whole comic book thing she never would have been attacked!" Garfield started to pace, his voice steadily growing more frantic. "If I hadn't pulled the dummy prank, I wouldn't have had to run laps and could have gone to the store myself. No matter which way you look at it, it's my fault! You were right to ban me from the med bay! I shouldn't ever be allowed near her! She's always getting hurt because of me! I'm never there to stop it from happening! I can't believe you even trust me to be a part of this team!" Garfield had two handfuls of hair and was tugging on them furiously, angry tears welling in his eyes. He squatted down to the floor, hunching his shoulders so that his knees provided a sort of barrier around him, and rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes and face. He would not _cry_ in front of his leader. He'd learned the hard way what that would get him.

"Beast Boy." There was command in his voice. Garfield didn't want to respond to it but Robin was the leader of the team, the alpha of the pack. You don't disobey the alpha. Taking a couple of deep breathes to steady himself, Garfield wiped his eyes a final time and rose, turning to face Robin, his eyes averted, providing no challenge. "Beast Boy, I want you to know that despite your personal feelings on the matter, none of the rest of the team, including myself, holds you responsible for what happened. You couldn't have known Adonis would react that way. None of us even knew he was out, let alone that Cyborg's serum didn't work. _It isn't your fault_." Garfield said nothing. Robin sighed, "I hate it when Raven's right." he muttered.

"Raven?" he asked, perking up.

"She came to see me, just left actually. Gave me a royal ass chewing about being a jackass and how I need to make sure I'm treating my team with the respect each member deserves. I didn't mean to belittle your feelings about the matter Beast Boy. And now I think I really owe Raven an apology too." He sighed again.

"What'd you do to Rae?" he asked alarmed.

"Nothing like that! I just, didn't handle it very well. I was a little caught off guard. I've just never seen her so…emotional about anything, let alone her defense of another person."

"Emotional?" Garfield asked even more alarmed. "What do you mean emotional?"

"She was really upset about the whole thing; I think she might have even been trying not to cry." Robin admitted sheepishly. "Beast Boy?"

But Garfield was already tearing down the hallway towards Raven's room. After the day she'd had yesterday an emotional fight with Robin was the last thing she needed! Just before he reached her door he heard her cry out. Shit! Garfield nearly collided with the door as he beat against it, "Raven!" He didn't know what was going on in there but his animal senses were tingling all over that it was BAD. They were confirmed when a wave of dark energy pulsed out from her room sending a shock wave through the entire Tower. Garfield was launched across the hall to collide with the wall. Shaking it off he pulled himself to his feet and returned to pounding on the door. "Raven! Raven, open up!"

Raven wasn't answering. Garfield tried to open the door but it was locked and Robin and Cyborg were the only ones with the override codes. Rather than waste time getting one of them to open the door, he backed up a step or two and channeling all his worry and fear over what he was about to find, kicked the door with as much force as he could muster. It was enough. The door didn't go flying off its hinges but his path was no longer impeded. His heart dropped to his stomach. Raven's room was trashed. Furniture was overturned, her shelves were bare, and debris was everywhere. Lying in the very center of her room was Raven. She was face down and not moving. Garfield leapt over all the debris to land in the very small circle of clear floor around Raven. She was definitely the epicenter of the blast.

"Raven! Rae!" He knew his panic wasn't good for her but he couldn't help himself. He picked her up and turned her over. Her eyes were closed but she was breathing. "Raven, come on!" He shook her, her head lulled. "Raven!" he shook her again. Her eyelids flickered. "Rae?" Raven blinked and lifted unfocused eyes up at him. "Geeze Rae!" his sense of relief was staggering, "You've already stolen two of my lives via heart attack, you wanna give it a rest already?"

"What happened!?" a disheveled Robin barked from the doorway. He must have been knocked back further than across a hallway. Garfield turned, Raven still in his arms.

"I think Raven should go back to med bay."

}{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{

To say Cyborg was furious that Raven had checked herself out would be an understatement. He ranted all through his examination of her. He ranted between reading off parts of her diagnostics. He ranted throughout his prognosis that she was restricted to med bay until further notice. He ranted that if she tried it again she'd find herself tied to the bed. Throughout his rant Raven remained impassive. If it hadn't been for the fact that that's how she usually was Garfield would have been concerned. As it was, he was still unnerved; especially at her announcement.

"My powers are gone." Her monotone wasn't quite as dead as it usually was. Garfield could hear a distinct undertone of worry that she wasn't hiding very well.

"Say what?" Cyborg was interrupted, mid rant.

"What do you mean your powers are gone?" Robin demanded.

"I mean they're gone. I can't feel them anymore. I reach for them and there's nothing there." Now she wasn't even trying to hide it. "It's not like before, after that stupid movie. I still had my powers, I just couldn't use them. Now it's like they're not even there." Garfield could hear almost panic in her voice now.

"Let's not freak out." Robin told her gently. "That was a powerful blast you unleashed, you've probably just over exerted yourself. Once you've rested, I'm sure they'll come back."

"You don't understand! What am I supposed to do without my powers?" Okay, that was definitely panic.

"Worry not, friend Raven, we will discover the source of the problem and confront it. You will be the 'alright'."

"Um, on the bright side at least you won't make anything explode while you freak out about it." Wow, Cyborg was definitely taking his life into his own hands with that one. Even Garfield knew not to joke about a freaked out Raven.

"Are you kidding me with this?" she shrieked. Garfield instinctively ducked. "I'm sitting here contemplating the rest of my life without the powers that up until now defined me and allowed be to become a Titan, that gave me _purpose;_ and you're cracking jokes about it?!" He'd never thought he'd hear Raven sound hysterical, and honestly it was really starting to freak him out that she was showing so much emotion.

"Okay, Rae, let's just calm down—" Garfield attempted to intervene.

"I will _not_ calm down! It's not like it matters anyway, it's not like I'll blow anything up!" She sent Cyborb a scathing glare.

"He didn't mean anything by it, he—" Robin tried to defend their robotic friend.

"Then he wouldn't have said anything!" she seethed. Abruptly her whole demeanor changed, "Okay, now let's take a couple of deep breathes, and talk this out, hmm?" The Titans simply stared.

"What's there to talk about, she tried to get rid of us!"

"She was scared and it was a tactic that had always worked in the past."

"I don't care! I will not be shut up in her mind any longer! I deserve to be free, we all do!"

"Now, let's be reasonable—"

"No! It's easy for you to talk, she lets you out! Me? When does she ever feel me? She always has a level head! When do I ever get to stretch my legs? I say it's my turn!"

"Oh yeah? Who died and made you queen? I never get to be felt! It's like she doesn't even care what people think of her. Have you _seen_ how she does her hair?"

"This is so exciting! BB! Do the kitty! It's so FLUFFY!" Raven looked to Garfield excitedly. He could almost feel a chill crawl up his spine at the huge smile and shining eyes directed at him.

"DO IT AN YOU WILL SUFFER UNTOLD HORRORS, FURBALL!" Garfield did feel a chill at _that_ tone…and the four glowing red eyes.

"Well that wasn't very nice! Honestly, after all he's done for us—"

"For _her_, not us."

"Let's not split hairs now."

"Yeah, let's split heads!"

"Shove off!"

"This is all rather counterproductive."

"Oh Azar, they're staring at us like we're crazy!"

"So let them stare!"

"Can't say I blame them, hearing voices in your head and talking to yourself are the first signs of crazy." her tone returning to her usual dry humor.

"WOULD ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" Raven finally shouted. "Dear Azar, it is impossible to get any peace with all of you!" She started rubbing her temples with her fingers. "And you wonder why I'd want to shut you away. It's the only way to get you to shut up!" Raven glanced up sharply at her teammates, "Okay, show's over. Nothing more to see here." she snapped.

"Um, Raven, are you okay?" Robin asked since the rest of them were too tongue-tied. At least Garfield was.

"My powers are gone, my emotions are running amok, and I have the mother of all migraines, what do _you_ think Robin?" she hissed at him.

"Right. Titans, let's go. Raven ought to rest and our presence is only a distraction." Robin started ushering them all out the door but Garfield hung back.

"Rae?"

She sighed, "I'll be fine Beast Boy. I just need to…be alone." Garfield disagreed but didn't argue. He glanced back as he reached the door and his ears drooped at the sight of Raven's shoulders shaking, her face buried in her hands. Not knowing what else to do Garfield followed the others to the common room.

"Alright ya'll, what are we gonna do about Raven?"

"What can we do? What do any of us know about her or her powers?"

"I feel we must do the 'being there for her'. But our presence does not seem to bring our friend feelings of contentment."

"I don't see how there's anything we can do until she actually tells us. I still think that once her body has had a chance to recover her powers will come back."

"What if they don't?" Garfield asked. He couldn't help it; he looked up at Robin from his slumped position, "Are you going to let her stay a Titan?" Garfield was actually afraid of the answer. If Robin said no, Raven might not get to be a Titan anymore and that was practically her whole life. If Robin said yes, Raven wouldn't have any powers but she'd be expected to go up against super powered villains. Either way it seemed a losing situation.

Robin stared him down for what seemed a lifetime. Garfield wouldn't say he was very good a reading people but usually they gave their thoughts away with something his instincts could pick up on. Robin didn't twitch, his heartbeat didn't increase, he was his normal unreadable self and the suspense was killing Garfield. He wasn't sure what Robin was looking for but Robin's demeanor suddenly went from stoic to determined. "It won't come to that. Raven's powers will come back, even it if takes time." With that Robin left the common room. The rest of them just looked at each other before Cyborg left muttering about his car.

"I am worried about Raven." Starfire admitted quietly.

"Me too Star."

"What do you think should be done?" Garfield looked at her; he wasn't sure what to tell her. He wasn't used to being asked what to do. But he gave the matter thought anyway.

"You know what I think we should do?" She shook her head. "Raven's room was trashed when I found her. Do you think she'd mind if we went in her room and cleaned it up?"

Starfire beamed, "What a glorious idea! Friend Raven will be most pleased I am sure!"

"Wanna get started?"

"Let us begin!"

Starfire and Garfield collected brooms, vacuums, dust bins, garbage sacks, buckets, and any other cleaning equipment they came across before heading to Raven's room. It was almost worse than he remembered. But at least he knew Raven was safe in med bay at the moment and not lying unconscious in the middle of her floor. Garfield and Starfire conferred before starting in opposite corners and working their way to the center. They worked mainly in silence, but that was fine by him because it gave him his entire mind to think over what was happening to Raven.

Raven had been fine yesterday, nothing amiss until after her fight with Adonis. It had to be the blow to her head. Obvious in its initial damage sure, but what about other repercussions? How long would her powers be on the fritz? Was she even completely healed from the blow? Cyborg had been too preoccupied lecturing her to have gone over that properly. Even if her head was healed, it's obvious the emotional overload yesterday hadn't been good for her or her control. She had _hugged _him. Raven had hugged him. And then the apparently emotional 'talk' she had with Robin this morning which he _still _couldn't get more details out of Robin about, just what he'd said to Garfield after his apology. So Raven's emotions were unstable, her control shot, and now her powers were gone. This just had the makings of a great day.

"Friend Beast Boy, why do you not respond?" Garfield looked up interrupted from his musings by Starfire towering over him.

"Uh, sorry Star, what'd you need?"

"I was asking your opinion on what to do with this?" Garfield's jaw dropped. It was a giant stuffed chicken. The same giant stuffed chicken that he and Cyborg had worked so hard to win Raven at the fair during the Blackfire incident. He thought she'd tossed that aside, had she gone back for it later? "It is mostly in good repair, but slight damage has been done to the right appendage." Looking where Starfire indicated, Garfield saw a popped seam and stuffing coming out.

He debated a moment before deciding that they should only throw those things away that couldn't be repaired in the slightest. "Let's make a pile, on her bed," he decided, "of things that need fixed. We can tackle that job later." Starfire beamed at him before setting the chicken tenderly upon Raven's bed before heading back to her side of the room. For the most part the rest of the cleaning project went well, the only excitement being Garfield snatching a scary mirror from Starfire and quickly tucking it into one of Raven's drawers without looking directly at it.

After Starfire and Garfield had Raven's room in working condition they headed to the common room for lunch. Robin and Cyborg were there so he decided to ask for an update on Raven's condition.

"I was actually planning to check on her after lunch. Any idea what she might like?"

"You mean that she might actually eat? You'll be lucky to get her to drink her herbal tea man." Garfield answered as he scrounged around the cupboards for anything edible since none of them had a chance to go shopping after Raven's Adonis encounter.

"Hmm. Which of these does she normally drink?" Cyborg asked holding a couple different kinds.

"Nah, neither of those." Garfield put the tea back on the bottom shelf that Raven could easily reach and searched the shelf above it. "See this?" he asked holding a different box of tea. "This is the good, expensive stuff she drinks when she's had a particularly bad day. I'd say this qualifies." Since Cyborg made no move to take it from him Garfield rolled his eyes before putting the kettle on, "Why don't I just go ahead and make it?"

"Good idea." Cyborg smirked at him, "I'd probably make it wrong anyway."

"True, you probably don't have the slightest idea how she likes her tea."

Cyborg cocked a brow, "How do you?"

"Dude, it's practically the only thing she drinks! If it isn't tea or water…" he shrugged. "I figured knowing how to make tea she likes would help me get out of trouble should the occasion call for it."

"That's actually pretty smart." Cyborg told him, sounding insultingly surprised.

"I do occasionally utilize the organ between my ears Cy."

"Not very often, so it can be quite the surprise."

"Har har." he grumbled good naturedly as he made Raven's tea and nuked something plausibly edible for himself in the microwave. Once he'd wolfed down his lunch he prepared Raven's cinnamon spiced tea with half and half, only a very rare indulgence, and followed Cyborg to the infirmary. They found Raven sitting in a chair in front of the large bay windows looking out over the sea. "Hey Rae, thought you might like some tea." Raven didn't respond for several long moments before turning to him with a slightly vacant look. "Uh, Rae?"

She looked down at her favorite mug resting snuggly between Garfield's grey gloves. "Um, thank you." Once he'd passed it to her she cupped it between her hands, inhaled the soothing aroma and took a sip. Her eyes widened in surprise and her gaze darted up to him. "It's exactly how I make it. How did you…?"

Garfield grinned, "I'm more observant than most people give me credit for."

She frowned, "Cyborg, do you know what brand my tea is?"

He looked up confused, "No. I didn't even know there were different kinds. Beast Boy made it for you."

She looked up at Garfield, "You not only knew how to make it correctly, you knew where I keep the good stuff. That's not observant, that's thoughtful."

"Uh…" Garfield didn't really know how to respond to that so he just rubbed the back of his head and directed his gaze out the window feeling self-conscious.

"Thank you." Raven whispered quietly to him.

"You're welcome." he murmured back.

"Okay ya'll, here's what my scanners are saying. Physically speaking Raven's pretty much all healed up. Your powers took care of that." he assured her. "I can't find anything medically wrong with you which is why I'm putting my vote down for the 'your powers will come back when you've rested' option."

"And if they don't?" she asked quietly, looking out the window.

"Is there any reason you can think of that they wouldn't?" She thought for several moments before shaking her head. "Then neither can I. You'll be fine Raven." Cyborg fiddled with his clipboard and clicked his pen several times.

"Cy, is there something else?" Garfield asked since Raven seemed disinclined to.

"Um, it isn't anything really. Just something Robin mentioned that probably is not necessary or anything." he hedged, still not looking at Raven.

"Which is?" Garfield prompted.

"Um, he might have mentioned that this would be a great time for Raven to practice her hand to hand. He said we never know when something like this might strike and it would be really good for Raven to have something to fall back on should she have need." Garfield read into what Cyborg _wasn't_ saying. Robin was making contingency plans just in case Raven's powers didn't come back. After all, Robin didn't have any superpowers and he was still a Titan. Garfield couldn't read from Raven's expression whether she'd gotten the same unsaid information as he had.

Raven turned to look back out the window, "That is acceptable, I assume, once you've given me the all clear."

"Oh, yeah, dang straight you're here until I give you the all clear!" Cyborg checked his clipboard, "Which isn't for another couple of days." Cyborg smiled widely before heading out, leaving Raven and Garfield behind.

Neither Titan said anything for a long while. Garfield expected that from Raven but he felt like he should say something. But what could he say? He couldn't reassure her that her powers would return because he really didn't know. Did he want to bring up her room? What they talked about last night? Everything seemed too delicate a subject.

"Yes Beast Boy?"

"Huh? I didn't say anything."

"But you want to. You have a mild case of anxiety."

Garfield's eyes widened, "So your powers are already starting to come back?"

She shook her head, "The empathy never went away. I can sense your feelings now, just as I could when you were on the other side of my bedroom door pounding on it demanding to be let in."

Garfield flushed, "About your room…it was sort of trashed."

Raven heaved a sigh, "I'll have plenty of free time to clean it I guess, not being able to go on alerts until my powers come back."

"Oh, uh, I didn't think about that…Starfire and I sort of already started cleaning it." Raven looked up at him wide eyed. "Yeah, I know you have the 'nobody in your room' rule but I thought you'd make an exception for us, just this once."

"You…you guys cleaned my room?"

"Well, Starfire was worried and wanted to help in some way. I figured this would keep her too preoccupied to worry or uh…bother you," he blushed, rubbing his head again, "and it would still be doing something to help you too."

Raven looked up at him appraisingly, he felt like she was trying to read his mind…or his soul which was kind of a weird feeling. "You've been very considerate to me the last couple of days."

Garfield gave a self depreciating laugh, "Yeah, doesn't happen often, I know."

Raven lifted a brow, "That's not what I said." she commented, startling him. "I've always thought you a considerate person, with keen observation skills." Garfield couldn't be sure but he could have sworn a small smile was on Raven's lips as she sipped her tea. Had she just made a joke? Raven?

"Why so incredulous? I can make non-sarcastic statements every now and again." Garfield grinned, she _had_ made a joke. A light bloom of color spread across her cheeks. His eyes widened as did his grin. Raven was blushing! Raven made a sound akin to a growl and muttered something. At his prompting she repeated herself louder, "I was telling one of my more annoying emotions to shut up."

"Do you often talk to them?" he asked curious.

Raven glanced up at his face, probably to see if he was laughing at her—like he didn't know better—before explaining, "Usually only when I'm in Nevermore and have specific questions to ask. It's a little…surreal talking to them like I have the past day or so. More so when they talk back _through_ me. But, they do have a tendency to make themselves known at other times. They'll argue with me over stuff sometimes."

"Like what?" he asked, curious.

"Like yesterday, when you asked me to pick up your book. Most of them were in agreement."

"On whether you should pick it up for me?" Raven blushed much darker. Garfield could only speculate on its cause, "Or…was it more along the lines they all agreed I was…fluffy?" Raven spat a mouthful of tea at the window, coughing slightly. Garfield crowed, "Your emotions think I'm cute!" As that thought sunk in a new one occurred to him, "Wait, if your emotions think I'm cute, doesn't that mean you—" He caught sight of the death glare she was sending him and promptly snapped his teeth together, grinning nervously and scratching the back of his head.

Garfield looked around for something safe to change the subject to, his eyes landing on Cyborg's discarded clipboard. "So, you think this hand to hand, no powers training, is a good idea?"

"Considering this isn't the first time my powers have gone on the fritz, actually yeah, I do." she answered calmly.

"Huh, I guess I never really thought about it before." Garfield pulled up a chair next to Raven's, straddling it backwards, his arms resting on the back. "I've never thought about what

it'd be like if I couldn't morph." He looked down at his hands before removing one of his gloves. His green skinned hand with his claw-like nails was revealed at the end of his black long sleeves. He smirked wryly, "Especially if I was still green."

"At least you'd still have the ears." Raven's eyes widened and her hand snapped to her mouth as if trying to shove the words back in.

Garfield smirked, chuckling a little, "I knew it; chicks dig the ears."

Raven's face was beet red, "That was entirely inappropriate Sass!"

"One of your emotions?" he asked casually, trying to convey that none of this fazed him in the slightest. He didn't want her thinking that he thought her weird or something…especially creepy. He'd never really stop feeling bad about calling her creepy; no matter how true, it had hurt her feelings.

"Yeah, the one that most often comes up with my one-liners. She's particularly fond of sarcasm and she _loves_ when you set her up for zingers." Raven explained with a scowl.

"So my favorite waffle line?"

"Oh yes, 'Evil beware, we have waffles' was a particular gem of hers." Raven frowned, "She doesn't always appreciate my…delivery of her lines."

"What do you mean?"

Raven looked at him before turning to the window, "You know most of my 'zingers' are directed at you…my delivery isn't always in the 'playful' tone that Sass uses. She gets upset when I…when I use them to put you down." she admitted quietly, looking down.

"Aw, I don't mind Rae."

She wouldn't look at him, "You can't lie to me Beast Boy, I can sense when what I say hurts your feelings." Oh crap, that's right. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. And I never mean it." Her voice was soft, sad.

"I know you don't ever mean it, Rae." he tried to assure her. That much was true at least.

"Doesn't take the sting away." she deadpanned.

"Eh, a little." he told her, waving his hand back and forth a little in front of himself. She didn't smile but her frown went mostly away. "I _knew_ you had a sense of humor. Just like I knew you think I'm funny." he told her smugly. This time a small smile did make its way to her lips. Garfield felt his grin widen. Raven looked so…good with a smile on her face. He was almost unreasonably pleased with himself that it was there because of him. Her cheeks darkened and she glanced at him. Oh, right. She could sense his emotions. Why did he seem to keep forgetting that?

"Thank you for doing this Garfield."

"Doing what?" he asked confused.

"Distracting me, trying to make me feel better, trying to make me laugh."

He grinned, "That's what I'm here for; it's my purpose."

"Not that I deserve it." she sighed.

"More than most you do, I promise Rae." She looked up at him surprised. "I mean it." She didn't say anything to that. "This is good." he stated suddenly. She lifted a questioning brow. "Practice I mean. Look at us being open with each other, joking, and you've not lost your temper even once." he pointed out. Raven didn't look convinced. "You know, I just thought of something. Wouldn't it be easier for you to practice with your emotions without your powers? That way you can feel without them interfering."

Raven seemed to be thinking it over when her face suddenly flushed red and her hands flew up to her mouth. Garfield suspected that was to stop whatever her emotion was trying to force out. "What?" he asked beyond curious. He didn't normally use his heightened senses in regular day life because they tended to be distracting. That didn't mean that they were completely blocked though and right now he was picking up on the strangest…vibes coming from Raven. Scents too. She smelled…really good. He could feel his ears perk at her. He tried to ignore his instinctual response towards her; way to make things real awkward, real fast Gar. "Come on Rae, who was it and what'd she say?"

"Sass," came her clipped answer, "and it was something completely inappropriate."

"Something to do with my ears?" he prompted with a smirk.

Raven's face warped into a sly grin and she was about to say something when her expression turned outraged and her hands flew back to her mouth. Garfield felt something like a chilled thrill of excitement shoot down his spine at that grin that didn't dissipate with her outrage. "Dear Azar she'd never been this, this forward before!"

"Come on Rae, you're killing me! What's she saying?" he whined, the curiosity eating at him.

"Oh no, I'm _not_ repeating any of it. It's…crude and embarrassing." Her scowl deepened, "And completely inappropriate!" she snapped. Garfield got the distinct feeling she wasn't snapping at him. Sass was probably having a field day. Hmm, Sass saying embarrassing and crude things…his ears…Garfield's grin widened at his suspicion. She was probably spouting off something like come-ons and innuendos. He could work with that. Those weren't really his style, he preferred cheesy pick up lines, but this was almost too good to pass up! Looking at Raven's discomfort however Garfield made the executive decision that she wasn't nearly comfortable enough to joke on that level…yet. It was only a matter of time now. He could wait. Until then he should probably help Raven with her problem.

"You know, we could probably use this to your advantage." he mused.

"And just how is crude humor to my advantage?"

"No, no, I meant the whole having direct access to your emotions. They were complaining that you never let them be expressed and your reasoning was because expression of emotion was dangerous because of your powers. Well, your powers are out of commission for the time being so," he prompted her, "there's nothing holding you back."

Raven debated his point, looking unsure, "I don't know. I don't really feel comfortable with the whole situation."

Garfield grinned and rolled his eyes, "That's the whole point Rae, you don't feel comfortable showing or even feeling emotions. This seems like a safe and fool proof way to practice."

"Garfield, I mean this in the best possible way, but 'fool proof' should _never_ be used to describe one of your ideas."

He grinned, "Aw, come on Rae, how bad could it be?"

* * *

**AN: I just wanted to thank everybody who has taken the time to leave me a review so far. They always make me feel warm and fuzzy inside! I appreciate any and all feedback, especially as this is my first story so I don't really have all that much experience thus far. SO, if you like what you're reading, let me know. If you don't, let me know. Just, in general, you should leave me with your thoughts and feelings. Share the warm fuzzies! I'll try to update again soon!**


	5. Oft Go Awry

**AN: As promised, Ch5 by Monday! Well, it's still Monday where I am. First of all, props to my new BBRae beta Shadico, who's awesome suggestions were a huge help for this chapter. Secondly, I would like to apologize now that Ch6 will be long coming, as in, not til finals are over and done with. I simply don't have the free time at the moment. If you'd like a full explanation you can always check out my profile. Also, as an apology for said delay, I'm posting chapters from my Danny Phantom fic that I had written before my imagination was hijacked by BBRae. If any of you are phans, check it out! Immeasurable Lengths Part I.  
**

**Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me.**

* * *

"Come on, Rae. How bad can it be?" Raven mocked with a glare in her green friend's direction. "It's fool proof, Rae." Raven should have known better really; _Beast Boy_ was the one claiming that practicing with her emotions was a 'safe and fool proof' plan. Was she really surprised that it hadn't turned out as easy as he'd predicted?

"Okay, so there have been a couple of hiccups, but—"

"Hicups? You call Happy tackling you, Rage nearly giving you a shiner, and Affection _cooing_ at you, a couple of hiccups?" she asked sarcastically, arms crossed and eyebrow cocked in disbelief.

"Well, I never said this was going to be easy."

"Yeah, I'd hate to see your interpretation of freaking impossible!" she scoffed.

"Come on, it isn't that bad." he tried to coax her. The eye roll wasn't helping his case.

"It could have been a heck of a lot worse than a black eye Beast Boy." she stressed. He needed to take this more seriously. Garfield didn't have the slightest idea just how dangerous her emotions could really be and he wasn't going to end up getting hurt. This was _why_ she usually suppressed her emotions in the first place!

"I was caught off guard, it won't happen again. Besides, Rage said she was sorry before she let someone else overpower her." he pointed out.

"Take it with a grain of salt. She can't really feel remorse." Raven retorted to the green teen.

"Your other emotions seem to really like this idea. You've only just started practicing, Rae. It'll get easier with time, I promise."

"How can you be so sure?" Garfield paused, thinking it over. Raven was glad that he was taking her query more seriously than he'd been taking the whole process so far; she didn't want him to get hurt trying to help her. And, as much as she hated to admit it, she was already feeling clearer-headed now that her emotions weren't as cooped up as she normally kept them. She was nervous however, to repeat of her loss of control with Rage…and Affection. She didn't want to accidentally hurt him, but she also didn't want to mortify herself either.

"I think the best way to prove I'm right is to keep going, but I can see why you'd be hesitant. We could always ask your brainy emotion what she thinks." he prompted her with a side glance. He really thought he was sly didn't he?

Raven heaved a sigh before resuming the lotus position to meditate. She'd found that it was far less disorienting if she brought the emotions out herself rather than the free-for-all that they'd been utilizing before. Almost instantly Wisdom surfaced. "Of course you are right in this matter Garfield. Raven, as well as a number of her other emotions, are hesitant however due to the incident with Rage earlier."

"I can handle myself just fine, but thank you for your concern." he reassured the emotion.

"A number of us would like an opportunity to come forth but there is still…concern as to…appropriate behavior. Normally behavior of the whole is balanced by policing forces of several emotions. We are not so skilled at policing ourselves and as Raven is releasing her grasp on us one at a time…we may not always be on our best behavior. As you've already witnessed firsthand, not all of us have the greatest impulse control." she cautioned.

"I'm not worried." he scoffed at her.

Wisdom made a 'hrmming' noise in her throat, her eyes narrowing at him slightly. "Garfield, I ask that you give this situation due consideration. It is not just Raven's negative emotions you need to be wary of."

"You mean how Happy was so happy to see me? Get it?!" Garfield asked with a giant grin and excessive eyebrows wagging.

Wisdom rolled Raven's eyes, "Yes Garfield, I get it. The point is that Happy's enthusiastic greeting was relatively harmless, yes, but that does not mean that will always be the case. Her…intensity, is a rather accurate measure of how strong other emotions could manifest themselves. Not all of them will be as…pleasant as Happy hugging you."

"Care to give me an example of a good emotion gone bad?" he snickered.

"Affection." she answered without hesitation. "There are different levels of intensity and she is capable of expressing them all." Was there a more tactful way of explaining Affection being able to tap, and more than happy to do so, her teenaged hormones?

Garfield scrunched his brow in confusion, "I've already talked to her. She's the one that tried to heal me before she realized Raven's powers aren't back yet, remember?"

"Yes, of course I do. It was actually most fortunate that she had the task to distract her."

"Huh? Why would my being punched in the face be a good thing?"

"Would you say that Affection's…attitude toward you was…" Wisdom was having a difficult time finding diplomatic phrasing for what she had to say, fortunately one of Raven's other emotions was too impatient to watch her struggle any longer. Sass forcefully shoved Wisdom aside and assumed control of Raven.

"What Wisdom is trying to say Gar, is that Affection would have been hitting on you so much harder if she hadn't been distracted at ya needing healing." she smirked.

"Say wha?" His eyes were comically large at this notion.

"Please, you didn't notice? She was all over you!" Sass abandoned the lotus position and towered over him, hands on hips. "Come on Gar, you can't be that blind! Did you _not_ notice the ear caress?" She asked with an even bigger smirk and a cocked brow. Garfield was sputtering incoherently to which Sass only smirked wider. It was going to start hurting if she kept it up. "Let's be honest here BB, you're an attractive young man and Raven is a red-blooded—ack!" Raven's body physically jerked to the side and a panicked look took over her face, which was suddenly a blazing red.

"What the hell is wrong with you Sass? I can't believe you were talking to _him _about _that_!" Raven squealed in a high enough pitch that Garfield winced in discomfort.

"And which one are you?" he asked rubbing one ear.

"Oh Azar, I can't believe you even have to ask!" Raven's hands cupped her face as if covering her cheeks would hide her from him.

"You're Embarrassed?" he guessed.

"Very much so." she agreed.

"So, what was she talking about, with Affection?" Garfield teased her, smirk firmly in place now that the tables had turned. Embarrassment let out another squeal and covered her face more thoroughly. "Oh, come on! This is prime teasing material!" he laughed.

Raven's emotions shifted again. She felt a devious grin, very reminiscent of the stankball incident, spread across her face, "I could always show you first hand Gar." she purred, one hand placed on her cocked hip.

His eyes grew to the size of saucers, "Uh, n-n-n-no thanks! Raven would _kill_ me once she was in control again!" Raven took a step toward him and he immediately started to scramble backwards and his hands and feet in an awkward crab walk.

"Aw, what's wrong Gar?" she asked using the same purring tone, still approaching him. "You're not afraid of little ol' me now are you?"

"You? No. Raven unleashing Rage on me? Hell yes." Garfield's back collided with the door to the roof, which was shut. He was, for the moment, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Raven stopped a couple steps away from him before bending down at the waist so her face was level with his before she burst out laughing.

"Oh Azar! You should have seen your face! Priceless!" she crowed in a way that could give Gar a run for his money.

"Huh—What?" The panic was slowly leaving his face and confusion swam in his eyes.

"I'm not Affection, or any other permutations of said emotional range, Goofball."

"Sass." he grumbled, crossing his arms in a pout.

"The one and only. I'm a lot stronger than most of Raven's other emotions since she has such a fondness for sarcasm and dry humor. That all falls under me." she smirked. "Raven actually uses me more often than a lot of the others, what with my being a facet of Brave and Brave playing such a huge role in Raven's emotional make up being a Titan and all." She paused, looking off into the distance. "Hang on; Vanity wants to talk to you."

"Vanity?"

"What the hell!" she snapped at him. He 'eeped' in surprise at her abrupt change in demeanor. "Why the hell would you react that way? Just because Raven's half demon and doesn't give a flying flapjack about how she looks, dresses, does her hair—need I go on?—doesn't mean you shouldn't be falling all over yourself when she comes on to you. What the hell is so wrong with me that you'd immediately panic!?" Garfield's mouth opened and closed several times but words refused to come out. "Seriously? Why I ought to—" Raven snapped upright abruptly.

"Whoa there Vanity, geeze; take a chill pill girl."

"Uh…and who are you?"

"Serenity…I'm a facet of Wisdom and am the emotion Raven most desperately seeks…normally." Serenity shook her head, "Oh Garfield, you've caused quite the fuss in here you know." Serenity lowered herself into the lotus position.

"Wha…I'm sorry?" he told her, though it came out distinctly as a question.

She smiled warmly at him, "It isn't really your fault. Vanity, a facet of Envy, stirred up Embarrassment who is really just a facet of Timid. In retaliation Rage and Sorrow ganged up on Sass and Rude. With all the others currently occupied and Raven fuming in the background with a building migraine, I thought I'd slip out for a bit while no one notices." She smiled, "Raven won't mind me after all."

"So, if you're the emotion Raven's always after, how do the others ever get expressed?"

"I'm the emotion Raven _wants_ to feel, just because you want something doesn't mean you always get it. Raven _wants_ to be able to express herself like a normal person. She hasn't exactly been able to do that now has she? And even though I'm her most sought after emotion, that doesn't make me all that strong. Unlike Sass, I'm not strong just because Raven utilizes me often. For example, I'm most useful in stressful situations; however I also have to overcome a number of the other emotions, like Timid and her various facets like Panic. Splitting myself like that makes it difficult to really exert my influence. Sass, like many other stronger emotions, doesn't have to overcome conflicting feelings to make herself known, thus she is more able to take control. Rage is one of the strongest of us because many emotions can be so easily overshadowed and expressed as the one emotion. Embarrassment often leads to anger, as does being scared, panicked, sad, etc. Rage is the emotion I butt heads with most often. She and I can't really manifest at the same time you see."

"Um, don't take this the wrong way but you're…much warmer than I thought you'd be. I thought serenity was all about being super chill and stuff."

"It is, for the most part." she shrugged at his interpretation, finding it as accurate as necessary in this situation. "I'm not normally so 'warm' as you put it. But I'm not by myself either. Happy's here too; she didn't want to get in the fight. She's keeping a tight rein on Affection don't you worry." Serenity teased him as Happy leaked through.

"How are you able to do that? Have more than one of you being expressed at the same time? And with you being the dominate emotion? At least, you're the one in control. That's exactly what Raven needs to know how to do!" he questioned the emotion excitedly.

"She already 'knows' how to do it, she just needs to relax enough to do so. What Raven needs to learn to do is express us _through_ herself, not have us emotional avatars expressed directly with her merely backstage in her own mind. She'll learn this, but probably no time soon I'm afraid." she sighed resignedly. "Unfortunately, I can promise that as soon as Raven regains control she will be in a very sour mood with the mother of all migraines." she smiled gently as his ears drooped. "And while I would like to take this opportunity to warn you, I would also ask that you have patience with her.

"Raven doesn't have many people she trusts, much less feels comfortable enough around to make herself this vulnerable. She really appreciates all that you're doing for her Garfield, even when it doesn't seem like it, or she blatantly tells you otherwise. She will be very cross with me for telling you as much as I am but I think it only fair you be informed. I hope you can recognize how very special you are to her Garfield, and that you keep that in mind during the times your patience with her is tried and tested. She's worth it, I promise."

"I already know she's worth it." he assured her.

"You're a true friend Garfield." she smiled her warm smile.

"You can call me Gar." he smiled back shyly, unused to such warmth from Raven.

She chuckled, "Oh don't worry, Affection already does."

"Uh…" Garfield tugged on his collar embarrassed.

"Raven will too, eventually. When she can loosen up enough to get us all in balance, she'll have to work on accepting a few things about herself. When she does, she'll be comfortable enough to call you Gar. I sincerely hope you'll still be around for that Gar."

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, brow furrowed once more.

"Because she's pissed." Serenity smiled before a scowl wiped it from her face. "Who's absolutely freaking brilliant idea was this again?" Raven growled, rubbing her temples.

"Hey Rae, nice to see you too." he chuckled.

"Ugh, I'm so ready to be done right now."

"Then we're done. We're doing this at your pace Rae. This is for you." Garfield stood and offered his hand to help her up. "Come on, I'll make you some tea." he smiled down at her. Raven looked up at the young green man who seemed so different and yet so alike to the child that first joined the team. Garfield had done a surprising amount of growing up in the last couple of years, especially after all the fighting against the Brotherhood of Evil. He'd displayed leadership skills most of the Titans had believed completely absent from his personality. Raven knew better of course; it was in his genes. Garfield was perfectly capable of being the 'alpha' of a pack; he simply chose not to be when he wasn't needed. That didn't stop him from stepping up when he was. He was constantly surprising her none the less. She didn't need Affection and Happy cooing about how sweet he was to recognize that what he was doing for her was above and beyond what anyone had ever done for her before.

"Thank you Garfield." She took his hand and he pulled her to her feet.

"You can call me Gar, Rae." he smirked at her. She scowled back before opening the door and leaving the roof, Garfield following after laughing oh-so-quietly to himself. Raven made her way to the common room and then the kitchen ignoring her teammates. She was just reaching for a box of tea bags when a gray gloved hand snatched it from her. "Go sit Rae, I'll get it." Dismissed, Raven turned to see Garfield filling the kettle and getting out her favorite mug. Having nothing to do, Raven made her way to the kitchen table to await her tea, the only thing that really helped her migraines since regular pain killers weren't really compatible with her demon physiology. She spent the unexpected waiting period rubbing circles into her temples.

"Friend Raven, it is good to see you. Where have you been? I tried your room but you were not there." Starfire asked, taking the seat opposite her cloaked teammate.

"I was on the roof."

"With Beast Boy." It wasn't a question but Starfire was definitely fishing for information.

"With Beast Boy."

"Might I inquire—"

"She was helping me with my new comedy routine." Garfield provided, plopping into the chair to Raven's right, putting a steaming mug of herbal tea in front of her.

"Oh joyous! Perhaps I may also be of assistance?" Starfire asked, lighting up at the idea of being of help to someone.

"That'd be great Star. Maybe after dinner."

"I was not aware that you enjoyed Beast Boy's jokes of humor Raven."

"Are you kidding? Raven's got a wicked sense of humor! Granted it's of the dry variety, but she still has some great zingers." Beast Boy grinned.

"Aren't those usually at your expense green bean?" Cyborg called out from the couch.

"So? Doesn't make them any less witty." he shrugged. Raven was starting to feel distinctly uncomfortable. It was one thing to not mention to her teammates about her work with her emotions but now Garfield was lying and covering for her. And Cyborg's comment hit a little too close to home for comfort.

Raven was about to explain what they had really been doing when the Titan alert went off. Moments later Robin burst into the common room. "Titans, trouble!"

"Who is it this time?" Cyborg asked, shutting off the GameStation and TV.

"Cinderblock. He's already taken out Jump City Bank downtown. Titans, GO!" Raven reflexively rose to leave with the other Titans. "Whoa, don't think so Raven. You only just got the go ahead to leave med bay. You're still out of commission until your powers are back. You're staying here. The rest of you, let's go." Robin and Cyborg left with Starfire right behind, having stopped to bid Raven farewell. Raven slumped back into her seat, not really sure what to do with herself. She wasn't used to sitting missions out.

"Hey, you'll be back kicking butt in no time Rae. Don't let this get you down." Raven looked up at Garfield who she hadn't realized had hung back.

"Don't worry about me. Just be careful, okay?"

He grinned, "Always am!"

"Beast Boy, let's go!" Robin shouted from down the hall.

"Heh, see ya Rae!" he called over his shoulder as he sprinted from the room.

"Bye." And they were gone. Raven didn't really know what to do now that she was alone. Normally this would be prime meditation time with everybody out of the Tower, but it was different since it was an alert that had them out. What if something happened to them? She wasn't going to be there with her magic shields or her ability to teleport them out of danger. She wasn't going to be there to watch Beast Boy's back while he made wise-cracks. She wasn't going to be there to heal the really bad injuries that weren't all that uncommon on alerts. She wasn't going to be there to watch out for them, protect them. What if they needed her?

Finding herself too preoccupied to do anything but worry, Raven turned on the TV and flipped through the news channels looking for a station covering the event downtown. A sudden flash of Cinderblock tossing a cop car caught Raven's attention. She turned up the volume so she could hear the reporter over the background chaos.

"That's right folks! The villain Cinderblock has been rampaging for a good fifteen minutes with still no sign of the Titans. The police are doing what they can but Cinderblock is tossing vehicles like children's toys during a tantrum! If the Titans don't arrive soon we—there they are!" The reporter ducked as a blast from one of Robin's birderangs exploded against Cinderblock behind him. "Here they are, ladies and gentlemen, the Teen Titans!" Raven sat at the edge of the couch, eyes glued to the screen as she tried to keep track of all of her teammates. The reporter was providing a running commentary of the fight, cheering for blows by the Titans, wincing in sympathy when blows were returned. Raven didn't have a lot of experience watching the fight from this perspective. Was that what she looked like when she fought?

The Titans were doing well, Cinderblock was big and lumbering and thus it was easy for them to dodge his blows. They were sustaining few injuries, but on the other hand, Cinderblock was made of rock. He couldn't feel the pain of the blows like the Titans could. One particularly powerful backhand nearly tore a shriek from Raven's throat. Beast Boy was launched into a brick wall. Starfire was quick to move in and provide cover while Beast Boy shook it off but that didn't make Raven worry any less. Thinking on it now, Beast Boy was one of the most vulnerable Titans. His best defense was shifting into something to dodge blows. He didn't have alien super strength, robotic armor, or demonic magic that could be converted into shields. Granted neither did Robin, but Robin's almost superhuman reflexes spared him a lot of pain. Beast Boy may have served on the Doom Patrol but he hadn't been trained by the Bat.

Beast Boy seemed to recover from the blow alright because he morphed into a stegosaurus and used his tail to slam Cinderblock into his own wall. "Hey, what do you call a blind dinosaur?" he called out, shifting back into his human self.

"Now's not the time Beast Boy!" Robin admonished as he threw another exploding birderang.

"Aw, come on dude! Classic dino joke from _Jurassic Park_!"

"BB, not now!" Cyborg yelled, shooting Cinderblock with his sonic cannon.

"A doyouthinkhesawrus!" Beast Boy crowed as Cinderblock finally went down in an explosion of green starbolts.

"And there you have it folks! Another win for the Teen Titans!" Raven heaved a sigh of relief that her friends had emerged victorious and largely unscathed. She refilled her mug and sat at the kitchen table to think, ignoring the TV. She didn't know how long she sat there waiting for her friends to return when her name being mentioned caught her attention. She turned back to the TV. "The Teen Titan known as Raven was noticeably absent from this battle. Speculation is that she is still recovering from her battle with the villain known as Adonis that occurred five days ago."

Raven returned to the couch, curious as to what was being said of her absence. "Raven has not been seen since the Teen Titan known as Beast Boy was witnessed to have carried her off towards Titan's Tower following her grievous injuries sustained during her solo fight before her teammates arrived to back her up. Coincidentally, it was Beast Boy who took down Adonis after Raven was injured. We have high hopes that one Titan's upbeat attitude during this fight means that no dire news for one particular Titan hangs over the horizon. We hope that Raven does not succumb to her dire injuries leaving the Titans short one member and consumed in grief. We have footage if Raven's battle with Adonis and a licensed physician's opinion on the injuries she sustained and a practicing psychologist's interpretations on how she would cope with such a crushing defeat—" the TV suddenly went blank, the power turned off.

"That stuff will rot your brain you know." Raven turned to see Garfield holding the remote to the big screen. "There are so many mind numbing boob-tube shows to watch and you choose the news?"

"Where are the others?"

"On their way in, I flew ahead."

"Why? Aren't you tired?"

He shrugged, "I didn't want to listen to Rob and Cy lecture me on appropriateness during a mission." His eyes widened as did his grin, "Hey Rae! What do you call a blind dinosaur?"

"I watched the news remember? A doyouthinkhesawrus."

"Ah man!" he whined. Raven could sense he wasn't really putting feeling into it like he usually did. She could also sense that he wasn't entirely truthful about returning early.

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?" he turned to her, confused.

"You were slammed into a brick wall."

"And since when is that news?" Cyborg called from the doorway.

"Since tonight apparently, Rae watched the fight on the news."

Cyborg stiffened, "Did she? So, what were they saying Raven?"

"That this was another victory to chalk up to the Teen Titans." she deadpanned.

"Oh, well alright then."

Her suspicions were peaked at Cyborg's relief. Unnaturally strong for the subject matter. "There was also speculation on my absence."

Cyborg froze, "Oh?" he asked in pseudo-curiosity. Why did he feel guilty about it?

"Cyborg, why are you filled with guilt?"

Beast Boy face palmed, "Way to go Cy!" Raven shot him a look; he knew what was going on. He grinned nervously, rubbing the back of his head. He was surprisingly skilled at masking his emotions from her; he'd been trying to cover something up.

"There's been speculation on what happened to you on the news every day since the fight with Adonis." Raven turned to Robin surprised. "We thought it better, since you never watch TV, to just not say anything. We didn't want it to affect your recovery in any way."

"You were afraid I'd be upset by what they're saying." She stated in her monotone. "Is it really that bad?"

"What? No! Course not!"

"Cyborg, I can sense you're lying; in the future, it's better to just not say anything at all."

"Dang it Cyborg." Garfield muttered from his place on the couch beside her.

"Did you think it would upset me?" she asked him, curious.

"It was Robin's idea to avoid talking about it. No, I didn't think you'd let it bother you, but it isn't exactly flattering and there was no point for you to subject yourself to it since none of it is true." Garfield responded with irritation as he crossed his arms and looked away.

"I released a statement to the press that you were recovering and in fine health, but that apparently isn't sensational enough for ratings." Robin explained.

"How did they even get footage of the fight?"

"One of the civilians that you saved from being compacted by an automobile had a 'phone of the eye' and had been taking motion pictures of your battle." Starfire piped up.

Figures, the idiots who drew attention to themselves by cheering had been hanging around because they were _filming_ her fight. "They were talking about me as if I was on my death bed." Raven took a sip of her tea, "Aren't they going to be disappointed when people see me grocery shopping tomorrow."

"Huh? Raven, you just got released from med bay! I don't think that's a good idea!" Cyborg argued.

"You also don't have your powers back yet. You'll make yourself needlessly vulnerable by leaving the Tower." Robin added.

"For goodness sakes, I'm not an invalid and I've been out of med bay for three days. I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself." She told them calmly, fighting to keep her exasperation from coloring her tone.

"Yeah, when you haven't sustained a major head injury just days ago!" Cyborg argued.

"I haven't had a chance to go grocery shopping since Star's whatever-it-was cleaned out the fridge. What has everybody been eating, delivery pizza?" Considering all the scuffing of boots and averted eyes Raven knew she had her answer. "I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. End of discussion." Raven wasn't really sure how that particular chore had fallen to her, especially since all she really ever consumed was her tea. Actually, that was probably how it had happened. Raven made regular trips to the grocery to get her tea. The rest of them picked up the habit of asking her to pick up their stuff while she was there when they couldn't go for whatever reason. It wasn't much of a leap for that to turn into everybody just leaving her lists of stuff they wanted. She hadn't really thought about it before.

"Well, I don't see that being a problem," Robin began despite Cyborg's protests, "as long as you have an escort."

Raven's eyes nearly bugged out of her head, "What?" she growled.

"Take somebody with you tomorrow. I'm afraid I won't be able to go, too much paperwork. But I'm sure one of the others would be more than happy to go with you."

"Robin, the whole reason I do the grocery shopping is because no one else wants to go. I do not need a babysitter!"

"Oh! Oh, I will go friend Raven!" Starfire cheered gleefully, waving her arms in the air in an attempt to bring Raven's attention to her. Joy was radiating off of her like heat. Raven tried to keep the dismay off her face; she could feel another headache coming. "Please friend Raven! I would love to do the shopping of the grocery with you! No sitting on babies required!" None of the boys would make eye contact with her so she lifted her fingers to massage her temples.

"Okay Starfire." Raven really did feel bad that there weren't any other girls in the Tower for Starfire to spend time with. Raven knew she wouldn't be Starfire's first choice, but she had to take what she could get. Raven's guilt didn't mean, however, that she was going to be able to enjoy her time with Starfire. The girl was just so _intense_.

"Joyous occasion!" she cried ecstatically, zipping over to hug Raven. Unfortunately Raven didn't have her powers to fend off Starfire so she had to endure the bone crushing embrace. "We will be having so much fun! We will do the 'bonding' and the 'girl talk' of boys and other such Earthen means of expressing affection and friendship between female companions!"

"Okay. You can let go now Star." Since Starfire didn't seem in too much of a hurry to do that Raven tried a different tactic, "Don't you need to, I don't know, pick out your outfit or something?"

"Oh! Yes, of course!" Starfire almost winked out of existence she vanished so quickly. What was it with everybody taking advantage of the fact she couldn't launch them into outer space at the moment? First Garifeld, and now Starfire with her hugs. Raven longed for her powers.

Garfield was doing a poor job hiding his snickering, "What are you laughing at?" she barked crankily.

"Nothing!" he squeaked, failing utterly to stem his laughter.

"You're lucky I don't make you come with us." she threatened.

"Oh come on Rae, it won't be that bad! Besides, would you really want me underfoot?"

Raven gave it some thought, grimacing at the image of Garfield kicking up a fuss at the deli when she was doing Cyborg's shopping. "On second thought, I'll pass."

"Hahaha, thought so." he laughed.

Raven let out a sigh, "I'd better start meditating." Even without her demonic powers, her empathy was bound to get quite the workout on the morrow. She could hear the snickers following her until the whoosh of the automatic door silenced them.

* * *

**AN: As always, leave me your thoughts and opinions, they matter! And they give me warm fuzzies!**


	6. Rose Colored Glasses

**Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me.**

****AN1: Surprise! Didn't think I was going to get it up before Christmas but bam! Here's Ch6. Rather than make you wait any longer, I gave up trying to finish the heart-to-heart at the end so I could post this sooner. I think it will make Ch8 work better this way anyway. Enjoy!

**Six – Rose Colored Glasses**

Garfield pushed aside his guilt for abandoning Raven to Starfire. Granted the alien would try the demoness' patience but Garfield was convinced this would ultimately be good for Raven and her control. Plus, since Raven's powers were AWOL at the moment Starfire was safe from being banished to another dimension. Not that Garfield believed Raven would ever do that to Starfire…on purpose. No, as much as Raven complained about Starfire, she was still her closest female friend. In fact, ever since the Puppet King fiasco the two had gotten closer. Raven even went so far as to actually go to the mall with Starfire occasionally. This would be good for both of them. Raven could really use some girl time and girl time was something Starfire excelled at.

The girls had been gone for about ten minutes which meant that they were probably just now reaching the store. Robin was in his office doing whatever Robin did in there and Cyborg was moping in the garage, pouting that he'd have to wait to wax his baby since Raven had driven it to the store. Raven drove because she was the only one that Cyborg would let drive the T car, and that was _only _because she needed it to pick up the groceries and he wasn't really willing to go just to drive since there was the risk that Raven might make him go in with her. Neither of them were keeping tabs on him but Garfield wanted to be sure that he wasn't suspected. He made a big to do in the kitchen rounding up snacks—challenging and full of odd choices considering the lack of groceries—but doable. He then loudly announced he was confining himself to his room to read the graphic novel Raven got him, which he'd already read, but they didn't know that. Assured that no one would come looking for him, especially since both of them were basically ignoring him now when he was testing their attention, Garfield shifted into a small bird and took off through the window.

It wasn't so much that he thought they'd try to stop him, as he didn't really want to explain what he was up to. Since Raven's accident he'd been sticking close to the Tower, in case something _else_ went wrong. With Raven being out and escorted by Starfire however, he had at least a couple of hours before her return and they had hand to hand sparring or more practice with Raven's emotions. Garfield shook his head; he really needed to think of a better way to describe said emotional practice so it didn't sound so weird in his head.

Raven may not have been very happy about the whole escort business but Garfield was secretly pleased that Robin had insisted. Raven's hand-to-hand skills were adequate, as her sparring partner the few times Robin had insisted on 'no powers training' he'd know; but she was still so dependent on her powers that she was often hesitating, trying to draw on them before her mind caught up with her reflexes and she remembered she wasn't allowed. Against regular thugs she'd probably be able to fend them off until backup arrived, but against any of the dozens of the villains they normally faced? She'd be a sitting target. Starfire was a good choice, she'd stick close by Raven and she was super strong and incredibly durable. She was fiercely protective of her friends and she'd not hesitate to protect Raven even knowing it'd really piss her off. Besides, Adonis was back in police custody so what danger could she possibly get into at the grocery store for crying out loud?

On second thought, Garfield decided to make a quick stop by the store, just to be sure. Flying overhead as a raven, for the hell of it, he noticed several news vans. He wasn't surprised at all the media coverage going on, but then they had been saying Raven was dying for days now. Quite frankly, the whole issue rather pissed him off. They made it sound like the death of a Titan, one of the city's defenders, was prime entertainment material. Like it didn't even matter that she risked life and limb to protect these people. Nope, if they could capitalize on her sacrifice you bet they would. It didn't help that Raven wasn't exactly a 'popular' Titan. Unfortunately, despite her being a hero, she came off as standoffish and creepy. Because of this people treated her differently than they did the other Titans; it was wrong, though it never seemed to bother her. He wondered how much of that was true and how much was her putting up a tough front. He was willing to bet it was far more of the latter than she would ever admit.

Morphing into an insect, Garfield entered the store and flew up high. He morphed again into a small hummingbird and zipped about looking for the girls. He found them in the condiments aisle. It looked like Raven was trying to talk Starfire out of clearing out the entire stock of mustard.

"Starfire, where would we even store that much mustard? I've already got it on my permanent list. Every time I pick up tea, I pick up mustard and tofu too." Mmm, tofu. "Considering I buy tea at least once a week I get mustard at least once a week. Surely you don't consume that much mustard in seven days?"

"But Friend Raven, I am in possession of nine stomachs, I prefer to have the tangy yellow goodness for each of them."

Raven visibly shuddered, "Fine. I'll start buying twice as much. You still can't have twenty-three bottles. Seven, that's fair, one bottle a day."

Starfire beamed, "Thank you so very much Raven! Robin only ever allows me four when we do the shopping of grocery together! He seems to be under the impression that it will erode my intestinal lining or something of that nature."

Raven looked revolted, "Can't imagine why he'd think such a thing."

"Neither can I, my people have very strong digestive systems. From my anatomy lessons I have learned that the lining of our digestive organs is very durable, much like the iron element on Earth."

Starfire literally had an iron stomach? Garfield smirked, he knew it. "Okay, what's next on the list?"

"Friend Beast Boy has listed several items."

"Yeah, the usual I'm sure. Soy milk, soy ice cream, soy cheese, tofu eggs and bacon, veggie burgers, numerous types of fruits and vegetables. I get him the same stuff every week or so. I only check the list for specialty items when I shop for him. I'm more interested in what Cyborg and Robin want. They're not nearly as predictable, or as easy, to grocery shop for." Huh, he hadn't realized that. Raven really _did_ do all the shopping. He kinda just got into the habit of taking that for granted. Garfield made a mental note to make sure he thanked Raven properly for doing the shopping from now on; he wasn't _quite_ grateful enough to ever volunteer to go with her though.

"Very well then, Robin has requested Raisin Bran breakfast cereal." Garfield internally grinned, figured Robin liked old man cereal.

Raven sent a small smirk at Starfire, "Robin has the tastes of an old man." Garfield nearly fell out of the air, Raven speaking his thoughts was just plain freaky.

Seeing as the girls were well into their shopping and in no immediate danger, or in need of assistance, Garfield decided it was time to get to his original errand. He got himself out of the store unseen and morphed into a flacon. Flying high he made his way across town to a steadily more familiar building. Murakami High. This is where Terra's doppelganger went to school. Garfield morphed into a squirrel and settled on a low branch to wait. The students would be coming out for lunch anytime now and his green complexion would keep him hidden amongst the branches. There was no reason to let anyone, not even the blond in question, know he visited as often as he did.

Garfield let his mind wander, scanning the crowd for said blond every now and then. He'd come every couple days or so after he first found her, not to try and convince her of who she used to be, but just to keep an eye on her, just in case. It had been a couple of days since he'd visited before he'd stopped coming at all after Raven's accident, keeping close to home just in case; but since Raven wasn't home at the moment he figured he'd be fine. Garfield had almost given up finding her when a voice below his tree nearly startled him from it.

"Haven't seen you in awhile, thought you'd finally given up on trying to convince me that I'm someone I'm not." Garfield looked down and sure enough, Terra, or Tara as she'd informed him her name was, was sitting below.

Garfield scrambled down and morphed back, taking a seat next to her. Here he was congratulating himself on his ability to blend and she'd been keeping tabs on him. "I'm not trying to convince you you're someone you're not; I'm trying to convince you of who you once were. And I didn't give up, I've just been busy." It had only been about two weeks since his last visit after all. Of course, the news that she looked for him made him feel rather warm and fuzzy inside.

"Because of her. That girl Titan. Not the tall, beautiful one; the cold, creepy one with the witch powers. The one that got hurt."

Garfield's eyes narrowed at Tara's description of Raven. "Raven. Her name is Raven. But yeah, I've been helping her recover so I've stuck around the Tower."

"Do you like her Beast Boy?" Tara asked bluntly, looking him in the eye.

"W-what?" he asked, eyes wide.

"They've been playing the footage on the news since it happened. You fought off the other beast then whisked her away. Then you stop coming to see me because of her. One might think it was because you liked her." It might have been his imagination but Tara sounded a little petulant about the whole thing.

"Rae and I are just friends; she'd never go for a guy like me." he laughed.

"I didn't ask if _she_ liked you, I asked if _you_ liked her." Tara insisted.

"Oh," he hesitated, "like I said, we're just friends." Where was she going with this?

"Friends like you and Terra?" she asked pointedly.

"What are you talking about?" he snapped, frustrated with her.

"I'm not blind; this Terra you're so convinced I am, you liked her. You've tried so hard to convince me I'm her because you missed her. You don't try as hard anymore." Tara pointed out somewhat sadly.

"I thought you didn't want me bothering you anymore." he huffed. Things change indeed; the girl couldn't make up her blasted mind what she wanted!

"That's what I said." she agreed, looking away. "Beast Boy, I'm never going to be Terra. No amount of wishing otherwise is going to make it happen. I'll admit, I really like the attention and part of me wants to encourage you so you'll keep coming back but…" she sighed, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. The all too familiar gesture made Garfield's chest tighten uncomfortably. "That wouldn't be fair to you. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. You're never going to like me for me; you'll only ever see the girl you used to know. Besides, your feelings for her have already started to wane." Tara had a distinct pout in her tone that put Garfield's teeth on edge.

"I'm not here trying to hook up with you." he growled, beyond irritated. "I'm trying to remind you of who you once were; who you might one day be again. Terra was a hero and she was my friend. Yes, I do miss my friend but not for _that_ reason." Garfield ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, "Look, if you really don't want me coming around anymore I won't. Just, if you do happen to start remembering stuff, or if your powers come back, come to the Tower. The Titans are your friends Terra and we'll be there for you when you need us. Sorry for bothering you." Garfield turned to leave, angry and hurt at her accusations.

"Wait!" He stopped and turned back to her, completely caught off guard by Tara throwing her arms around him and kissing him soundly on the lips. Garfield stiffened in surprise but otherwise didn't react; he was too stunned to do so. The kiss didn't last long. Tara pulled back with a rueful look on her face, "I thought as much."

"Huh?" he asked, bewildered.

"Nothing, it's not important." she muttered. Looking up at him she gave him a thin smile, "It was nice seeing you again Beast Boy but I would really appreciate it if you don't come back anymore. I'm never going to be the girl you remember, she wasn't _real_. Goodbye Beast Boy."

"Terra!" What the hell? She kisses him and bails? What gives?

She sighed, "Tell you what, if I ever get an inkling that I'm the girl of your dreams I'll look you up. Til then, I'll see ya around." Tara started to walk back towards the building but stopped to look back at him over her shoulder, "Don't let her hurt you Beast Boy, you deserve so much better."

"Who?" he asked bewildered.

"The girl of your dreams." And she was gone.

}{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{

Garfield was getting sick and tired of watching that girl walk away from him. And what the hell had her parting comment meant? Irritated but resigned, Garfield had morphed into a raven and took to the skies, hoping the thrill of flight would help him clear his mind. So far, it hadn't. Normally when he visited Terra's school he didn't speak with her; hell, he hadn't known that she'd known he visited. It wasn't his intention to talk with her, just keep tabs. Make sure she was still there and not really a statue like she once was; not just some dream his mind conjured. She was still there, but at the same time it felt like he'd never really see her again. Today's conversation had only cemented that feeling into a reality.

Why wouldn't she just give it a chance? Give him a chance? She _was_ Terra. He knew it in his heart, his gut, and his head. You can't fool animal instincts. But no. She insisted she was only Tara; your average, no powered, _normal_ teenager. Granted there _were_ some notable changes. She wasn't so carefree, her laughter was there but more reserved, and her old perpetual smile was gone. What's more, she'd lost that look in her eye, the one that meant she lived for the moment and loved it. But then, that look had been gone long before.

How hadn't he seen it? How could none of them have known something was so wrong? But no, someone _had_ known. Raven had known. Raven _always_ knew, but for some reason they never believed her. So of course it must have only been in her head. She'd convinced herself she was wrong, opened up to the girl, and had her trust tossed aside like garbage. Terra would never understand how precious a gift she had squandered like it was nothing.

The team didn't know, but Robin had found something inside Slade's last base of operations. He had found the footage of Terra's fights with all of them on Slade's hard drive. Robin hadn't told them; Garfield had only found out because he'd been his usual nosy self. He'd heard Robin cursing up a storm in his office real late one night on his way to the kitchen for a late night tofu snack and he couldn't find it in him to curb his natural curiosity. He'd snuck into Robin's office and was transfixed at what he saw on his computer screen. It had been Terra and she been dressed in her apprentice uniform. She was fighting Robin and Robin had been trying to convince her that she didn't have to be with Slade. But her voice had rung out clear and cold, "_I'm not some sad little girl who's waiting to be rescued. I wanted to be this way. I wanted to go with Slade. I wanted to annihilate you and your pathetic friends_." Her voice had sent chills down his spine and his heart aching. But Robin must have been cycling through the footage because Raven was suddenly standing over a defeated Overload.

"_What is your mission? Why are you—ahh, oof!"_ What followed had to be the hardest thing Garfield had ever had to witness, especially since he had a small, extremely inappropriate voice in his head keeping commentary about the girls mud wrestling. Not only would Raven kill him for such thoughts, but she was in a fight for her life and all he could think about was how hot she was covered in mud? Sometimes his immaturity was just as bad as Raven was always claiming it to be. But that's the thing, Raven was fighting for her life.

Granted it wasn't the first time he'd ever seen Raven fight, that happened almost daily. But this was different. This wasn't just some villain, this was Terra. This was someone she'd trusted. Someone she'd counted a friend. And that someone was trying to kill her. Trying to kill her and rubbing it all in her face. The betrayal. The mockery. The taunting barbs. Terra's words were aimed to hurt and they scored direct hits. He could see it getting to the empath. Everything Terra said, her deception, her derision…he cringed when she mentioned him. He hadn't used the term 'tantrums'! He'd merely mentioned that she had some anger issues that were linked to her powers. He'd never dreamed Terra would have ever used that against Raven. He'd never dreamed she would betray them.

Raven's assertion that she'd always known Terra's deceit was as transparent to him as it apparently was to Terra. She was following Slade's order to a T. She knew exactly how to hurt Raven with the utmost efficiency. She knew every one of Raven's insecurities and she was brutal as she picked away at Raven's psyche. He'd never seen anyone so cruel as the blond was in those moments before Raven lost control. Even if he hadn't known how the fight ended already, he would have predicted it. Raven was one of the strongest fighters he knew, but once she lost control all bets were off. She lashed out, no longer fought with a clear head; she lost her focus. She was an easy defeat at that point. That didn't mean that watching her get pulled down into the mud hadn't made him panic for several moments and completely break his heart as she gasped for air. He spent several more moments taking deep breathes and reassuring himself that Raven was alive and just down the hall safe and sound. Garfield left before he could witness Terra taking out any more of his friends. None of them had shared the details of their fights, and now he knew why.

It was no wonder Raven had been so bitter afterward. She hadn't talked to any of them for days. It was weeks before she'd finally returned to her old routine. Not that he'd been out of Terra's room to witness that for himself. The others had left him food outside the door but otherwise left him be. It was only after he'd emerged from her room for good that Cyborg and Starfire had told him what had been going on around him while he wallowed alone in the dark.

It was just so hard to reconcile the innocent face of the fun loving, carefree girl he'd been in love with, with the bitter, angry, _malicious_ sneer she'd had as she pulled Raven down to her 'death'. Terra had tried to kill Raven. She had thought she'd succeeded. She'd thrown a parting jeer about her control at the empath as she tried to drown Raven with mud. When their positions had been reversed, when Terra was just a statue and the only person who had any hope to reverse her condition was Raven, what had Raven done? She exhausted herself looking for weeks for spells to undo what had been done. Granted Raven hadn't ever found a spell, but the point was, she _tried_. Terra didn't know that, but Garfield was willing to bet even if she did she wouldn't care. The fresh remembrance helped to harden his heart to the fickle blond.

But still, what had that been about today? What did this 'dream girl' nonsense mean, and why had she kissed him? Tired of his circular questions getting him nowhere, Garfield decided a more direct approach for distraction was necessary. To that end he headed towards Jump City Mall and his favorite arcade. Unfortunately, his rebellious mind was bent on betraying him by providing a parade of painful memories in his mind's eye as he reflexively blasted zombies. Deciding mindless violence wasn't giving him the peace of mind he was looking for, Garfield left after losing his final extra man rather than inserting more quarters as he normally would. Desperate for distraction Garfield visited most of his haunts in rapid succession, irritation growing with his restlessness. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he get away from thoughts of her? He was seriously going to go mad if he didn't find some way to drive the blond from his mind. Garfield could always return to the tower, but he was strangely reluctant to do so and it had nothing to do with having been confined there for the last few days.

What he really needed was someone to talk to. His first reaction was to seek out Raven when he needed a serious heart-to-heart. That hadn't always been the case, but ever since they'd come to an understanding about each not hating the other, Garfield knew that no matter how irritated with him Raven got, when it came to his feelings, she wouldn't turn him away or belittle him. But Garfield wasn't that cruel; he knew he couldn't bring up Terra around Raven. Robin wasn't really an option. He was a good friend sure, but Robin filtered _everything_ through his 'leader mode'. If Garfield went to Robin about Terra, well, he knew the conversation would devolve into a rant about Slade at some point and he'd be in even more turmoil. Starfire would be a sympathetic ear, but Garfield knew that anything Starfire knew, Robin was likely to find out. That just left Cyborg.

Garfield knew he shouldn't feel so reluctant to go to his best friend with his problems, especially since Cy was known for his level head and good advice, most of the time at least. But that didn't stop Garfield from wondering how Cyborg would react. He might take it all in stride, he might blow up in anger, he might throw his head back and laugh. The Tin Man could be really unpredictable that way. The whole situation was made worse by the fact that he'd been just as much betrayed by Terra as the rest of them so he wasn't likely going to be very impartial about the whole thing.

Garfield contemplated this, weighed the pros and cons, while perched on his rock overlooking the bay. They all had their places to think, to get away from the others and just _be_ when the occasion called for it. Robin had his office and the gym. Cyborg had the garage and the T ship dock. Starfire comandered the kitchen and Raven had the roof. Garfield had his rock. It had originally been _her_ rock, but it was his now. Eventually Garfield decided that he wasn't going to get anywhere on his own and had better just suck it up and go to Cyborg. If he didn't talk to somebody about it soon, he was going to go nuts!

It was with such optimistic reluctance that Garfield approached the Tower's garage. Garfield's enhanced hearing allowed him to hear Cyborg's mutterings through the garage door. Taking a deep, fortifying breath Garfield braced himself for the worst and tried to keep his hopes up for the best. Cyborg wasn't distracted enough by whatever he was doing to miss the opening of the garage door, so Garfield didn't have a whole lot of options besides saying, "Hi, Cyborg!"

Cy raised one brow at Garfield, "Hi yourself, Greenbean."

"So uh, whatcha doing?" Garfield asked, rubbing the back of his head in his nervousness.

"Not much. Can't really work on the T car when it isn't here." Cyborg grumbled.

"Oh, well, that's too bad."

"What are you doing here anyway? You've never shown any interest in mechanics before. Unless you count wanting me to build you a moped but we both know that's never going to happen." Cyborg shot his green teammate a grin.

"Oh, well uh, I was just thinking…you know, if you weren't busy, that we could, uh, talk?" Garfield scuffed his purple shoes at the floor, his eyes unable to meet Cy's.

"Okay Grass Stain, what did you do, who did you do it to, and please tell me it wasn't Raven." Cyborg groaned

"What? No! Why do you automatically assume that I want to talk because I'm in trouble?"

"Because you're always so busy planning the prank you never think past the execution. You need me to get your butt out of trouble nine times out of ten."

"Well, that's beside the point! This time I'm not in trouble so that's not what I want to talk to you about."

"Okay, then what is it?" Cyborg asked as he fiddled with tools for which Garfield had no idea the purpose of.

"Well, I sorta wanted to talk to you about a…about a girl." Garfield hedged, unsure how to approach the subject.

"Well it's about time!" Cyborg cheered, startling the shape shifter. "Geeze man, if you'd beat about the bush any longer about this I was going to have to kick your green butt into gear! Okay, so what's your plan? How are you going to ask her? Have you figured out where to take her? She's really particular man; you don't want to screw this up!" Garfield couldn't only stare at his half robotic friend in confusion.

"Uh, dude, what are you talking about?" he asked, brow furrowed.

"You mean you're not here to ask me how to ask her out?" Cyborg asked with hesitation.

"Who?"

"Who what?" Cyborg asked, his attention suddenly on the tools in his hands.

"Who are you talking about?" Garfield asked, now even more confused.

"I'm not talking about anybody, who are you talking about?" Cyborg turned towards his work bench, seemingly engrossed in whatever he was doing.

"What? You were talking about me asking out some girl. Who were you talking about?" Garfield demanded, his irritation rising.

"Dude! You're going to ask out a girl? Booya! Who is it? Anybody I know?" Cyborg turned to him with suspicious enthusiasm.

"No! You're the one who said I was going to ask out a girl! Who were you talking about?" Garfield could feel his brow twitch, something he suspected he'd picked up from Raven.

"Man, how would I know who you're asking out if you haven't even told me yet?" Cyborg argued, his voice full of annoyance that rang slightly false.

Garfield threw his hands in the air in frustration, "Whatever dude! Look, I came down here because I need to talk to you about Terra!" Garfield may have been frustrated, but he wasn't blind to Cyborg's sudden stiffening at his workbench.

"What about her?" Cyborg asked with careful neutrality.

"Well, I kinda haven't been totally honest with you guys on that front. I've kinda been going to her school and keeping an eye on her." Garfield was back to sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.

"No offense B, but you're not exactly 007, I've known about you going to Murakami for a while now. I know Rob knows, which means Star probably also knows, and I'd be surprised if Raven hasn't figured it out too."

"Huh?"

"B, our communicators have trackers in them. Rob was looking for you one day, I don't remember why, and linked up to your communicator. It read that you were a Murakami High and he asked me how long you'd been visiting there. Since I didn't know, Robin checked the logs. We've known for a while man."

"How come you guys never said anything?"

"What's there to say?" The half robotic teen shrugged, "Honestly B, I thought you'd be over her by now."

Garfield rolled his eyes, "Who says I'm not?"

"Are you?" Cyborg looked him in the eye.

Garfield heaved a sigh, "Terra and I are over, if we were ever anything to begin with." he muttered the last part under his breath. "There's nothing I could, or would, do to change that. She…she's not the same girl anymore." he admitted as much to himself as Cyborg.

"She endured a lot man, things like that change people. It could be argued that none of us are the same anymore. Betrayal isn't something you ever acquire a taste for and we're all much more familiar with it than we were."

"Yeah, but it's still her. She's still Terra even if she isn't exactly the way she used to be." he argued.

"Okay, say it is. What difference does it make? She doesn't want to be a Titan B."

"That's because she doesn't remember being a Titan!"

"Well, it isn't like you can make her remember man." Cyborg shrugged and looked away, "Maybe it's better this way."

"What?" Garfield asked in disbelief, "What do you mean? She's a Titan Cy!"

"I'm just saying man, there are some things that should just be left alone." Cyborg let out a sigh before turning back to his best friend. "What were you wanting to discuss about her anyway?"

"She kissed me." he blurted out before he could think better of it.

* * *

**AN2****: Working on Ch7, it's mostly done but I wanted to add a scene about Raven's reactions to the news crews. Keep your fingers crossed for update by New Years! Let me know what you think okay? Love me some fuzzies!**

**P.S. Anybody interested in what else I'm working on or what to know about updates? I keep this on my profile. Check in for periodic updates when you're looking for news on the next chapter! As always, stay tuned and send fuzzies! -BB  
**


	7. Sharing is Caring

**Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me.**

AN: Props to Shadico for beta-ing! He beta-ed Ch6 too but I forgot to thank him (oops). Haven't even started Ch8 so no idea when that'll be out. I hope I don't disappoint too many people with how little I describe Raven's interaction with the press. My muses have been rioting, unfortunately. Ch8 is back to BB and I might have him learn of Raven's encounters via Starfire. If anybody wants to throw ideas my way I might be inspired to add such a scene in. Full credit will be yours should you tickle my fancy! P.S. I'm going to have things I'm working on, progress updates, and the like written up on my profile so if you're ever looking for what I'm up to you can check that out.

* * *

**Seven – Sharing is Caring**

Raven heaved yet another sigh and resisted the temptation to start rubbing her temples again. It wasn't that Starfire was _trying_ to annoy and irritate the crap out of her, she just really couldn't help it. Not like Garfield, who was annoying for the sake of being annoying. Starfire was just so…intense. Every other moment she was exclaiming in excitement about something, or how novel everything on Earth was, or relating some tidbit about Robin. If Raven had to listen to one more comment about Robin's opinion on _anything_ she was really going to snap.

"Friend Raven! Do you think Robin would prefer the grape or the strawberry preserved gelatinous spread for the slices of toasted bread? He has purchased both in the past, but I do not know which his favored flavor is." Ugh, this is why Raven preferred for Robin to do his own grocery shopping. When he wasn't too busy it was a great opportunity for him and Starfire to spend time together outside the tower. Starfire never went grocery shopping alone because no one could trust that she'd bring back anything edible for humans. Fortunately, when he did ask Raven to pick up his shopping, he was usually doing something Starfire could help with and so Raven was able to go alone. It wasn't that Raven didn't enjoy her friends' company, but she had a system. She could be in and out of the grocery store in 45 minutes when she was by herself. Starfire had spent 45 minutes enthusing on the colorfulness of the cereal aisle and the merits of one sugary cereal over another.

Of course, in all fairness to Starfire, Raven's irritation had spiked even before they'd entered the supermarket and it had nothing to do with the alien princess. Unfortunately, Raven's prediction about the press hadn't been all that far off. Apparently the news had been discussing Raven's imminent demise for _days_ and thus her sudden appearance, in seemingly fine health, caused a bit of a stir. The Titans often had people coming up to them and received thanks, praise, and all manner of well wishes from the citizens they protect on a daily basis…the _Titans_, not _Raven_. Not so today. It seemed that every person who recognized her—and as she was a famous superhero that was a _lot_ of people—came up to her and gave their congratulations to her for not being dead or dying.

And _somebody _had had the bright idea to call the press. The media had descended on them like vultures to a carcass. Even the ever cheerful Starfire had become overwhelmed by the pushiness of the press. Of course, she'd also been accidentally bopped in the nose by a microphone so that was a little more understandable. With a dozen news crews surrounding the heroines, camera flashes blinding them, shouted questions deafening them, Raven had acted instinctively and pressed them back with a light, yet firm, push of her powers. Once a personal space perimeter had been established Raven was able to address that she was not in fact dead or dying and that she was simply off active duty until given the all clear by the Team's leader. Thankfully Robin had enacted a firm 'no unauthorized interviews' rule, which Raven so helpfully reminded them of, and so while the press went crazy with halfhearted speculation about her 'miraculous' recovery, they had to do so across the street and without any further comments from the heroines.

All in all, Raven considered the lot fairly lucky the only fate they had to truly suffer was her twitching brow and awkwardly stammered 'thanks'.

Of course, there is also the fact that the Titans are considered celebrities and not all pictures are taken by news reporters. Unfortunately for Raven, there was nothing at all, legally speaking, that she could do about the paparazzi. Fortunately for Raven, she happened to be a very creative half demon and there are always…loopholes to exploit. That was why, after ten full minutes of tolerating rude, camera toting jerks that alternated tossing rage inducing speculation about her and Beast Boy or catcalls and innuendos at the confused Starfire that Raven had had enough. They wanted something they could take a picture of? Well, why not indulge them? Whipping around and snatching her hood down was all they needed to see before they scattered to the winds. It might have been what they saw under her hood—it had worked on Gizmo after all—it might have been all the lenses of their cameras simultaneously shattering in dark energy, it might even have been her oh-so-politely asking them to leave, but either way the Titan girls were no longer plagued by camera flashes or unflattering candid shots.

"Toast. It's bread that's been toasted, Starfire. And the 'gelatinous spread' is called jelly." Raven sighed again, resigning herself to guilt ridden tedium.

"Oh I see. 'Jelly' is a shortened form of 'gelatinous', yes?" her beaming smile undiminished.

"Basically."

"Miss Raven! Miss Starfire!" Raven groaned all over again. She just couldn't escape them today! Here was yet another well wisher that she was going to have to be polite to. Upon turning, Raven was even more dismayed to see that it wasn't just one well wisher, but three.

"Yes, Citizens of the City of Jump! How is your well being on this fine and glorious day?" Starfire beamed at the three teenagers. The one who had spoken was a young girl who seemed to have forcefully dragged her two male companions over against their will if her fists full of shirts were any indication. That and the uncontrollable stuttering, staring, and drooling the two were doing at Starfire.

"We're good, thanks Miss Starfire." the girl chirped at Star.

"We're good." the boys chorused, hearts in their eyes. Raven did her best not to scowl as Starfire patted her smitten admirers on the head with a quiet glee-filled giggle. Did she need to encourage them?

"Miss Raven! Is it true you almost died?" the girl piped up. Raven redirected her attention to the preteen blond.

"No." Raven deadpanned. The girl did nothing but stare at her though. Raven sweat-dropped. "Um, I have healing powers." she explained.

"Cool!" the girl exclaimed. Raven vaguely heard a breathy echo from the girl's peanut gallery but didn't bother to turn towards them.

"Is it true that Beast Boy killed that other Beast?" the girl asked, eyes shining. In a certain light, Raven could almost see a resemblance to Melvin. She wondered how the young hero was doing. She really ought to write to her.

"No." Again the girl made no move to leave or speak, forcing Raven to expand upon her reply. "Beast Boy knocked the other Beast unconscious, and he's in prison now. He's fine." More's the pity. That mailbox had _hurt _damn it.

"But Beast Boy saved you right?"

Raven could feel her brow twitching, "My team, as a whole, came to my aid."

"But Beast Boy was the one that beat the bad guy, and Beast Boy was the one that came to help you first, and Beast Boy was the one who took you back to Titan's Tower…right?"

"Technically true, but Robin was in charge of the police pick up of 'the bad guy' and Starfire and Cyborg would have been preoccupied with crowd control. Beast Boy was the only one available to take me to the Tower at the time." Less than technically true or true at all really.

The girl looked up at Raven with a small smirk on her face that Raven had a burning desire to remove…with force. "Whatever you say Miss Raven. I think Beast Boy is a hero. He's my favorite Titan you know." Ah, well at least that explained the girl's fascination.

Raven felt herself loosen up a little, unsure why she'd gotten so tense for in the first place. "Well, I'm sorry you won't get the chance to meet him today. He's not really a fan of grocery shopping."

"That's okay, you're my second favorite, Miss Raven."

Raven could only stare at the girl blankly. "I am?" That was…strange. Raven thought her only fans were testosterone driven teenage boys with a perchance for 'creepy' girls. Those were who most of her fan mail came from anyway. She suppressed a revolted shiver.

"Of course!"

_'Hear that Rae-Rae? You have a fan!'_

_ 'Statistically speaking there had to be a few.'_

_ 'Ooo, nice one!'_

_ 'I meant that literally.'_

_ 'Oh, I know.'_

_ 'There is, of course, the fact that she's only the girl's _second _favorite.'_

_ 'Geeze, why do you have to be so spiteful and hurt Rae-Rae's feelings?'_

_ 'I'm the embodiment of an emotion that indulges hate, anger, and oh wait, _spitefulness_, what do you expect? Besides, I'm really only hurting you lot.'_

"Oh. Thank you." Raven replied, trying to quiet her own peanut gallery.

"Can I get your autograph?" Bemused, Raven signed the piece of paper presented to her. "Will you sign it to Hannah?" Raven did so and handed back the girl's souvenir. "Thanks Miss Raven!" Hannah said goodbye to Starfire, rounded up her friends and took off. Raven resumed pushing the cart, Starfire in tow. Raven reflected on the fact that she could count the number of autographs she'd ever given out on her fingers. Hannah's friends seemed to have collected autographs from Starfire for themselves and all their friends based on the number of slips of paper they had been clutching. She wondered if she ought to be bothered by her friend's preferential treatment but quickly dismissed it. It was _Starfire_ for crying out loud. Who wouldn't be enamored with her?

It was silent some time before Starfire spoke up, having picked up a box that had a dubious expiration date and 'It's Freshtastic!' scrawled across it. "Raven, I have noticed that humans are very fond of shortening words and clipping syllables from words or words from sentences. They use the 'slang' to say things with words that should not mean what they are implying that they mean, but inexplicably do. It is all rather confusing and I was wondering, why is that, do you think?"

Raven turned to Starfire, surprised. Normally she accepted whatever she was corrected on with a smile and moved on. She hadn't really expressed interest in any of the reasoning behind it, merely commenting on how strange humans and their customs were. If Star was going to ask engaging questions this might actually be a lot less painful a process than she was expecting. Now Raven just had to keep her too preoccupied to return to her favorite subject. "Honestly, I believe it largely stems from laziness. It takes longer to say things properly so words get shortened, and slang more heavily utilized. I personally find it a crime against the classics." Raven didn't really enjoy verbalizing her views of the world, but in this particular case she hoped that Star would be curious enough to ask a follow up question so that they could stop talking about Robin.

"You think humans should go to jail for using 'the slang'?" Starfire asked with wide eyes.

"No, that was just an expression." You'd think she'd know better by now than to use those when talking to Star. Especially since expressions and idioms were right up the alley with slang. "What I meant was that people aren't doing themselves any favors by butchering the English language. Improper grammar isn't something to be proud of. It's because of the steady degradation of youths' vocabulary and articulation skills that I fear for the legacy of the literary classics. Did you know that they actually sell 'translations' of Shakespeare? I'm not talking about English to another language, they actually tear apart Shakespeare's work and retell his stories with modern day terminology and slang. The whole point of his work is the poetic verse, you lose so much when you take that away. But then, any of the boys would be better able to explain the widespread use of slang better than I, seeing as they use it so heavily themselves." She added as an afterthought.

"I am somewhat familiar with this 'Shakespeare' you speak of. He wrote the story of Romeo and Juliet, yes?" Raven nodded as she placed a large bag of apples in their already overloaded cart. A small indulgence for herself wouldn't hurt anybody. Starfire continued, "Yes! I find this story of true, however tragic, love most charming. I do wish that circumstances had been more pleasant however, thus negating the necessity of the lovers taking their own lives. It is a sad tale, truly."

"That could arguably be his best known work, if not the most studied. Most high school curriculums have it as required reading. While I find most of Shakespeare's work to be too male chauvinist for my tastes, the man _was_ talented."

"Chauvinist? This is not a word I am familiar with, my Friend."

"It means he didn't really have many strong women's roles in his plays." Raven explained with more tact than she thought she actually possessed. "During his time women weren't looked on as individuals so much as property, belonging to her father or husband."

"It is interesting that Earth customs so often seem to be made up of male dominance. On my planet there is an archaic custom in which a male must defeat his intended in combat to prove his prowess in battle and the strength of his seed. It fell out of tradition as there were an alarming number of fatalities over time." Starfire, lost in thought as she was, walked along Raven's cart, her demeanor far from buoyant enough to keep her afloat given the subject matter.

"Fatalities?" Raven asked in her normal monotone, her alarm well masked.

"It is shameful for a warrior to retreat from a challenge. Should the male be unable to defeat his intended it was considered the honorable thing for the intended to obtain victory via death of the challenger." She stated with simple, matter of fact tones.

"That sounds…rather brutal."

Starfire nodded solemnly. "It was the way of my people centuries ago, but no longer. I am glad that it is no longer required." she told her, beaming brightly and hovering an inch or so off the floor once more.

Worried this might serve as a segue into something to do with Robin, Raven decided to continue with the playwright theme. "Do you know any other works by Shakespeare?"

"I know that he has written tragedies and comedies, but alas, I am not familiar with any specific plays."

"Well, if you were interested in looking into his work, I might suggest _Twelfth Night_ or _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. _Twelfth Night_ is actually one of my favorites of his comedies because it has a strong female lead. But you'd probably enjoy _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ as well. One of the most iconic characters in the play is Puck, or Robin Goodfellow. Actually," Raven realized, "Puck reminds me very strongly of Beast Boy with his love of pranks and causing trouble. All the more reason I'm sure you'd enjoy it."

"A character resembling Friend Beast Boy? This work must be most amusing! I believe I shall indeed read this play." Starfire was all smiles and no longer even pretending to walk next to the empath any longer. Raven knew there was no chance of them blending in the crowd anyway, and so didn't bother correcting her alien friend.

"There are a few adaptations, _Twelfth Night _has a modernized movie for example, but I really think to get the full impact you should really see it performed in a theater."

"Would you perhaps be willing to go to the theater and watch this play with me Friend Raven?" Raven turned to Starfire surprised. She wasn't sure _why_ she was surprised as Starfire loved going out and doing things with her friends so _of course_ she'd latch onto the idea of going to the theater, but for some reason asking _her_ to go with her threw Raven a moment.

"I'm not sure that anyone is performing that particular play anywhere nearby anytime soon." Raven answered, feeling slightly guilty when Starfire visibly drooped in disappointment. "But," she conceded, "I'll make sure to keep an eye out just in case. Who knows, maybe I'll come across something that _is_ playing that you might like."

"Really Friend Raven?!" Starfire's eyes were practically shining and the smile on her face looked positively painful.

Raven sighed in resignation, "Sure Starfire. Going to the theater…sounds fun." Raven internally winced at the lack of excitement in her voice but it went apparently unnoticed by the ecstatic Starfire. Raven resigned herself to the next hour of Starfire going on and on about how excited she was about going to the theater and what sorts of plays might be available. At least she wasn't talking about Robin.

"Friend Raven," Starfire called Raven from her distraction, "you have been spending much of your time with Friend Beast Boy; are the two of you doing the 'dating'?" Raven, not expecting that question, or any of its sort for that matter, was caught so off guard that she caught one foot with the other and almost sent the cart full of groceries skyrocketing into Starfire after having stumbled into it.

"Excuse me, what was that?" she asked incredulously, internally irked that her stoic façade had slipped so utterly.

"My pardon if I have offended you with my query, but I find myself very curious at your behavior." Starfire nervously tapped her pointer fingers against one another, shoulders hunched and eyes averted, but her demeanor showed that she was more than willing to pursue this line of questioning until her curiosity was satisfied. "You and Friend Beast Boy have been spending great quantities of your time together. You seem…happier." she hedged.

"Just because I'm currently unable to send Beast Boy out of a window or into another dimension doesn't mean we're dating Starfire. He's been helping me cope with my current issues." Raven hedged, aware of how many ears were about. Besides, the idea of her and Beast Boy dating was utterly absurd. Even if he wasn't still hung up on Terra—really who did he think he was fooling? Maybe the others hadn't noticed that he sneaks off to that high school across town every few days but she wasn't _blind_. But even if he wasn't still hung up on Terra, she and Beast Boy were probably the least compatible people in the entire Tower. Yes, she did actually find him funny, sometimes; and yes they'd been getting along lately…really well actually…that didn't mean anything. The two of them were just too different. Almost complete opposites really. Besides, if her powers really did come back she'd have to get her emotions under control; and if there was one thing she had to learn the hard way, it was that emotions of the heart were not something she was terribly good with, let alone capable of controlling.

"Yes, however, you are spending time with him." she pointed out.

"Yeah, friends do that." Raven argued back, annoyed with Starfire's persistence at the point.

"But we don't." she said quietly. Raven was taken aback. Granted she was well aware of the fact that she actively sought to avoid Starfire at times, but she'd thought she'd done a fairly good job of portioning time for the Tameranian Princess. They sometimes meditated together and occasionally took a trip to the mall. She set aside a similar portion of time to help Cyborg with his car and she sometimes trained in the mornings with Robin…they were in the same room at least, and sometimes when he had the time they played chess. So, if she normally made time for the rest of the team, it seemed rather unfair that spending time with Beast Boy suddenly had interests aroused. "I mean, we are here together now but you do not seem to be enjoying yourself. Though you seem to always have the 'headache' when you and Beast Boy join us, you also seem more…relaxed. You seem to enjoy your time with Beast Boy and perhaps it is very selfish of me, but I was wondering if you do not enjoy my company as well?"

Now Raven felt guilty. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy her time with Starfire, their joint meditation time could actually be preferable to solitude at times. Starfire just had a tendency to overwhelm her empathy and talk about Robin too much…and had completely different taste in just about everything else. But that didn't mean Raven shouldn't make more of an effort if Starfire had been driven to actually _ask_ Raven about it. "It wasn't my intention for you to think I felt that way Star. I actually really enjoy when we meditate together. The mall isn't really to my taste, and neither is all the 'girl stuff' you like to do. So, I'm sorry if I haven't been all that enthusiastic when we do that stuff, it's just not something I'm all that good at or knowledgeable in. But," she continued when Starfire looked to her, "if it's any consolation, I enjoyed our Shakespeare talk just now."

"Truly?" she asked, eyes shining again.

"Yeah, I know that I'm not the greatest at expressing myself, but I'm working on it." Though Starfire couldn't know how literal that actually was. "And as part of that, Beast Boy has been helping me." Raven decided to be honest. "It would be nice you know," she confided wistfully, "to be able to enjoy myself and not have to meditate for hours to keep my powers in check."

"I would be more than happy to aid you as well my friend!" Starfire volunteered enthusiastically. Raven wasn't sure if she should be worried that she could tell that Starfire was putting a _lot_ of effort into restraining her eagerness.

Raven gave her a small smile, "Beast Boy said you would be. And, when I feel ready, I'll be sure to take you up on that."

"Oh wonderful day! I know that this problem is worrisome, but I am most glad that such positive things are coming about as a result!" she cheered, with a restrained three foot hop, higher into the air.

"Yeah, I suppose there could be a silver lining in all this."

"Yes! Gilded layers for all our garments! So this means that once you have completed your training you and Friend Beast Boy will be doing 'the dating', yes?" Raven nearly choked on the sentiment and the joy radiating off the princess.

"Starfire!" Raven snapped, irate that the alien was still hung up on that. "Beast Boy and I are not like that! We're just friends. Can we _please_ talk about something other than Robin or Beast Boy?"

"I am sorry Raven, I just think that you and Friend Beast Boy would make each other most happy if you would only allow yourself to. However, I can understand that this topic makes you feel uncomfortable so I will of course be most happy to converse on any topic you like. Perhaps you would like to talk about depressing poems?" Starfire's face and inquiry were entirely _too_ innocent but Raven let it go.

She heaved yet another sigh before relenting, "No, I'm sure that there's something, _besides_ our teammates that we have in common and can talk about. Raven cast about for inspiration but came up lacking. "How's, uh, Galfore?"

"Oh! My K'norfka is doing most well!" And for the rest of their shopping trip Raven listened to Starfire talk about Galfore and much of what had been happening on Tameran since her last, somewhat disheartening, visit. Raven was updated on Galfore's new governing policies while they waited in line to check out, and another 'congratulations on not dying' from the elderly couple in line in front of them. Starfire recounted her treacherous sister's appeal to lift her banishment and Galfore's enraged response while she swiped the Titan's credit card through the card reader and signed her name on the electronic keypad. And it was upon loading up the groceries in the trunk of the T car, and steadfastly ignoring the news vans, that Raven realized that while Tameranian politics were brutally simplistic in some ways, hearing about Starfire's culture was surprisingly interesting. Maybe Star would be interested in hearing more about Azarath? She'd given a quick synopsis of her early life when the Puppet King had body snatched the boys and she and Star had gotten swapped, but there were stories she could share. The thought gave her pause. Raven realized she was actually contemplating voluntarily sharing personal information about herself. That was _not_ something she would normally do.

'_No, it's not. But then, voluntarily spending time with BB isn't either.'_

_ 'Sharing is caring Rae-Rae!'_

_ 'Shut up Happy, I'm trying to have a conversation here.'_

_ 'Well, so am I!'_

_ 'Saying stupid things that will piss her off and make her stop listening isn't helping!'_

_ 'I'm not saying stupid stuff!'_

_ 'Will you two knock it off! The point is that she is starting to open up and express herself which is beneficial to us all. Now shut up and stop distracting her from talking to Starfire!'_

"Friend Raven, is everything alright? Are you perhaps unwell?"

"Huh?" Raven turned to her stupidly.

"It is just that you missed the turn for the Tower about four intersecting roads ago and you did not respond to my pointing it out."

"Sorry Star, I'm just a little distracted." Raven explained, taking the next turn that would take them towards the bay.

"You were having a talk with your emotions, yes?" Starfire hedged. Was it that obvious? Was it happening so often that her teammates could recognize the occurrence? The thought gave Raven pause.

"You could say that."

"What were they saying, if I may ask?" Raven glanced at Starfire and felt a twinge in her gut at the hopeful expression. Well, her emotions _were_ telling her to start opening up, and if that kept them in check and stopped them from rioting, then she could deal with a little discomfort.

"They were encouraging me to share with you as you have been sharing with me."

"Oh yes! Please do my Friend! I am most eager to listen to anything you might wish to share!" Seeing Starfire's enthusiasm, discernible by the fact that the seatbelt was all that was keeping Starfire in her seat, made the discomfort of sharing shrink and the feeling that _she_ was kicking puppies by denying the girl, grow. Thus emboldened Raven acquiesced.

"Okay, well, I told you once that I was born on a place called Azarath and I was raised by monks devoted to an order that opposed Trigon's assent. And you've now met my sire and learned where I get my infamous temper from." Raven hesitated. Was she ready to talk about Arella? The Titans had an unwritten rule about not talking about families. That was something _none _of them shared. As much as Trigon wasn't her 'father', Arella wasn't her 'mother'. That was probably a can best not opened. But she couldn't really talk about her time with the monks either, as that was just learning meditation techniques and reading. She could talk about Azarathian culture, but she'd never really interacted with Azarathian citizens so she didn't really learn the culture first hand. Everything was taught to her by the monks. So what then, could she talk about? Then again, there was that one time…

Raven took a deep breath to settle her nerves before she began, "Being quiet and still for hours on end thinking of nothing but being at peace with oneself wasn't always as easy for me as it is now. In fact, when I was young, I found it to be every bit as tedious and boring as Beast Boy accuses it of being. Though I didn't really experience childhood the way most children do, I still had the mentality of a child. I wanted to run, play, _do_ things; not sit and be silent. I didn't have my powers at that age so I didn't see the point in learning to meditate. For me, the prophecy was just a story; a scary story, but just a story. I was tired of reading the boring books the monks gave me. I was tired of learning proper meditation. I was tired of being treated like…" Raven hesitated again; she didn't want to sound like she was complaining about the monks.

In reality, she owed the monks her life; if it hadn't been for them she would have either been destroyed at birth or raised by members of Trigon's cult. A revolted shiver shot down her spine at the thought. But, while she owed them everything for making her the person she was today, for raising her and instilling within her their morals, they had also shunned her. She was lucky that from their point of view, raising a half demon as a monk was far more in their favor than having one of Trigon's subsequent attempts for siring a portal end up with his cult. At least having her with them there wouldn't be a demon cutting swaths of destruction until she actually became the portal. Her destruction would only result in another child of Trigon and the cycle would repeat until he finally succeeded. Because of this however, they hadn't seen her as a child, or even a person. To them she was the gem; the portal that would bring Trigon and all-consuming destruction. She hadn't known what it felt like to be cared for until she'd joined the Titans. She hadn't known what it felt like to have someone depend on her. What it felt like to let herself depend on someone else. But even so, it was because of the monks that she'd even gotten that chance.

"I was tired of being treated like I was an adult and not the child I was." she finally finished her thought. "So I decided that for one day, just one," she felt a small smile tug at the corner of her lips at the memory, "I'd have an adventure. A real adventure, like the ones I read in the books the monks didn't know I occasionally got a hold of." Her smile was somewhat more of a smirk at this point, "I was quite the precocious reader when I was young."

"You mean you are not now?" Starfire quipped with a smile. Raven wondered if that sort of humor was something Star had pick up from her or from Garfield.

"Point." she conceded, small smile still in place. "So my adventure basically consisted of spending an entire day away from the temple. I had everything planned out. I would sneak off after lights out and roam the whole day. No lessons, no boring non-adventure books, and no meditation." Raven felt her smile fade. The planning of her adventure, the feeling of anticipation and excitement, had been far more enjoyable than the actual execution of said plan or the aftermath. Every action bears a consequence after all.

"So, what happened?" Starfire prompted her, her own smile fading slightly.

Raven forced a smile and pulled Happy to the forefront of her mind so the emotion would color her tone. "I snuck out alright. I learned that I was not only afraid of the dark, I was afraid of the _woods_ in the dark. But I was stubborn. I wasn't about to admit I was being stupid and head back. I wasn't about to give up and let all my planning and excitement go to waste." Though admittedly, in hindsight, she almost wished she had. Almost. "I spent the next day happily exploring until I got hungry, tired, cold, and wet. When I finally made it back to the temple, after the storm had passed mind you, I was in heaps of trouble for running off." _Heaps_ was an understatement, Raven grimaced internally. But then she felt a real smile replace her false one. "But you know what, Star?"

"What?" she asked with unimaginable curiosity, eagerness bubbling up to the surface once more.

"I might have learned that I was afraid that day, but I also learned that I had the strength to face that fear and stand up for what I believed in. Even if what I believed in was something as silly as taking the day off and just being a kid, I took my life into my own hands for the first time and _did_ something. And looking back on it, I think that that might be the very thing that finally inspired me to leave the temple and Azarath and come here. If I hadn't found the courage to leave the temple in the face of fear for the unknown and what was to come, I'd have never become a Titan."

"I have never doubted your bravery my Friend." Starfire assured her. Raven heard a voice in her mind shout a triumphant cheer but she ignored it. "Raven, how old were you when you went on your adventure?" Raven felt deflated thinking about that. She remembered it well because of just how much trouble she got into. She'd lost a lot of her freedom with that little stunt. It was the last time she could remember really feeling carefree. The last time she could remember really _feeling_.

"I wasn't much older than when Robin found me in that church when I returned from becoming the portal." _That_ was not something Raven wanted to talk about.

"So young a human for such a brave feat." Starfire murmured. She then turned a dazzling smile to Raven, "I believe we would have been great friends had we met when we were bumgorfs."

"We could be great friends now." Raven told her sheepishly, finally pulling into the Tower's garage.

"We already are." Starfire gave Raven a rib-shattering hug before she loaded all the grocery bags onto her arms and floated happily towards the common room as her emotions were too elated to allow her to walk. Raven sat, looking after her friend with her own small smile and uplifted emotions.

* * *

**Fuzzies? Pretty, pretty please? Oh, and ideas for news crews/concerned citizens/paparazzi encounters for Starfire to regal the boys with on Rae's behalf? **


	8. Mixed Signals and Crossed Wires

Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me. Also, BB's really bad jokes, I mean, the really, really bad ones, those are more than likely off popsicle sticks.

AN1: So very, very sorry about the update delay! I've just been so crazy busy! I won't bore you with excuses however. Anyway, here it is and I apologize once more for the delay!

**Chapter 8 – Mixed Signals and Crossed Wires**

Cyborg stared at his green companion, face blank. It was several seconds of staring and blinking later that he even had a reaction to Garfield's revelation. "I'm sorry, what was that?" he asked in a polite, detached tone.

"Terra kissed me." Garfield explained, utilizing more willpower than should be necessary to cease his boot scuffing.

"Okay…and what did you do?"

"What do you mean?" Garfield hedged, fighting back the need to fidget.

Cyborg frowned, "I mean, what did you do when she kissed you B." Cyborg's voice was firm and authoritative; he didn't appreciate Garfield's lack of candor on this particular issue.

"Well, I sorta…didn't." Stop boot scuffing, stop boot scuffing, stop boot scuffing!

"Didn't what?" Cyborg asked, brow furrowing and frown deepening.

"I froze man! I didn't know what to do! I mean, Terra and I didn't really date back when…we hung out a lot but we never really got to that point, you know? We almost did a couple of times but we were always interrupted and I was just too embarrassed and…well, I wasn't expecting it so I just stood there like an idiot and didn't do anything. It was like my brain was misfiring and my body was no longer connected to my head and I choked!" Garfield was pacing with his ranting and practically tugging his hair out in his frustration.

Cyborg remained silent for some time, absentmindedly fiddling with his tools. "Is that what's bothering you about it? How you didn't react when you had the chance?"

"Well, sorta I guess." Garfield hopped up on the counter next to Cyborg's workspace. He sat on one leg and kicked the other absentmindedly as he tried to put his thoughts into words. It was much harder than he'd been expecting it to be. "I mean…I'd always pictured our first kiss to be a heck of a lot different than _that_. But mostly, I'm just confused about why she kissed me at all. I mean, she just told me she was upset I wasn't paying more attention to her but she didn't want me coming around anymore—after accusing me of only being interested in her to hook up with her mind you!—and then as I'm leaving she plants one on me and tells me not to let the girl of my dreams hurt me! What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" Garfield demanded, arms flying about as he animated his explanation.

"Woah, woah, woah! Pump the breaks and back up B! Let me see if I have this straight, She complained about you not paying enough attention to her, accused you of only wanting to hook up, told you she didn't want to see you anymore, kisses you, and says goodbye by wishing you luck with some other girl?" he enumerated, ticking them off on his large mechanical fingers.

Garfield looked up in thought before nodding slowly, "Yeah…yeah that sounds about right."

"Well no freaking wonder why you're confused B! That girl didn't just send mixed signals, she was using a ton of different languages to do it! I'm not even sure if I'll be able to translate this one out. This is all kinds of messed up man."

"Tell me about it." Garfield grumbled in irritation, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Okay, start at the beginning and recap your whole visit. I'm going to need more to go on if I'm going to be any help." With a sigh of resignation, Garfield launched into his narrative. He largely glossed over any references to Raven since that was confusing and embarrassing and Cyborg really didn't need that to think about, nor did he ever need to associate 'Raven', 'anger' and/or 'irritation' with 'Garfield', and besides, it was really just Terra that Garfield needed to talk about. Raven wasn't the one confusing the hell out of him…not that she _never_ confused the hell out of him, that was quite often in fact…whatever, that was off topic anyhow.

Once Garfield had finished, Cyborg sat back and placing his chin in his hand, proceeded to process everything. "Okay, now, I only have the details you've given me to go on—and I'm not stupid B, I know you haven't told me everything—but I will do my best to explain how I understand the situation. Keep in mind though B, I was never as close to Terra as you or Star were so I can't say how accurately I can interpret all this."

"Whatever dude, anything is better than being alone with the voices in my head." Garfield sighed, leaning back against the wall and staring down at his robotic friend.

"Well, it sounds like the girl is torn about what she wants. She likes the attention you give her, I mean, what girl wouldn't? But she also doesn't seem to want anything to do with the Titans or a potential past life. So, she likes you coming around, but doesn't like all the strings attached. It seems to me that she really was trying to say goodbye B. It might have been hard for her, which is why she seemed to jump back and forth so much, but in the end she wants you to be happy and knows that that isn't what you guys would be if you were together."

"So, she likes me, but being a Titan and superhero are deal breakers. That figures." the green skinned hero huffed.

"That and the fact that you really will always see her as Terra dude. You might grow to like Tara, but you'll always see Terra first."

Garfield heaved another sigh. "What do you think I should do?"

"That depends on what you want." Cyborg hunched forward, elbows on his knees and steepled his fingers against his mouth. Looking up at his best friend he sighed, "Here are your options as I see them. One, you can ignore her wishes and keep up this strange vigil you have in the hopes that she will eventually remember something and want to come back. Two, you can accept her terms and leave her alone and hope that she one day remembers something and decides to come back. Or three, you can say your goodbyes and let her go man." Cyborg leaned back and looked his friend in the eye, "You only have your gut telling you that this really is Terra. And even if she is, there is no way to know if she will ever remember anything; and even if she _did_, there is no way to know if she'd even want to come back to us. And," Cyborg looked away, "B, man I'm sorry, but even if she wakes up tomorrow with all her memories, all her powers, _and_ the burning desire to be reinstated…I'm not sure Robin would even allow it. Not to mention the rest of the team. She hurt all of us real bad B, but some of us suffered a lot more than the rest."

Raven. Cyborg wasn't going to come out and say it but it was plainly written across his face. His baby sister would have nothing to do with Terra and if it came down to it she would fight the decision every step of the way. Garfield wasn't stupid; he knew that Terra returning was a long shot at best. And the fact of the matter was that he didn't even know if _he'd_ be okay with her rejoining the team, let alone the rest of the Titans. He had no doubt in his mind that Terra deserved a good life and friends, but he also had no doubt that Titans West wasn't going to be the easiest, or even the best, place for her to find it. But somebody had to keep an eye out for her. He couldn't just abandon her, that's what drove her to Slade in the first place.

If he'd just pushed a little harder for her to go to Robin about her control issues in the first place, she never would have left or found Slade. Or, if he'd listened to Raven when Terra returned, he could have confronted Terra before she turned them over to Slade, he could have changed her mind. Heck, they could have used her knowledge and her 'in' with Slade to finally catch the bastard. If he'd paid more attention to her, or if he'd picked up on the signs…because there _were_ signs, Raven saw them for crying out loud! If he'd just done _something_ different, he could have stopped it. He could have protected her. He could have _saved_ her. How could he just turn his back on her now, knowing that it was his fault all this had happened to her in the first place? If he'd been a better friend to her, none of this would have ever happened.

He wasn't sure if his turmoil was obvious on his face or not, but Cyborg must have known he needed _something_ because his friend stood, looked him right in the eye, put his hand on his shoulder and said, "Beast Boy, Terra knows that if she ever needs anything, anything at all, that she has you, the team, and the Tower as an option. You've made it abundantly clear that she will never have to be alone if she doesn't want to be. But this is her choice man, and you've got to let her make it. If she wants to do this on her own, to make her own way, you need to respect that and let her do it. You aren't doing her any favors by smothering her. If she wants you to let her go, then maybe it'd be best for the both of you if you gave her what she wanted B. It isn't like you're cutting her off completely and abandoning her. The Tower isn't going anywhere and it isn't like we're exactly hard to find."

Garfield's ears drooped as he looked up at his friend, the all-too-sound logic being really hard to argue against. Garfield opened his mouth before words had formed in his mind, but he never found out what he was about to say because just then the garage door started to open and Cyborg snatched him around the middle with a cry of, "It's the girls! Quick!" before he took off with Garfield thrown over his shoulder. He jumped into a closet of some sort and slammed the door behind them, his heavy breathing all Garfield could hear.

"Um, Dude, why are we hiding in a closet?"

Cyborg's panicked breathing ceased and there was relative silence in their closet. Being disoriented, not having been upright when Cyborg jumped in, Garfield felt around for a body that wasn't his and started poking. "Cut that out man!" Cyborg hissed. Grumbling a little he continued, "Think about it B, where were the girls just at?"

"The grocery store, do you not remember the fit Raven had when Robin ordered her to take an escort?"

"Yeah, I do. That's the point though! Raven just had to spend…what, four and a half hours grocery shopping with _Starfire_. Not only that, but I have the Titan's mainframe linked with my systems and I set up an algorithm to look for news feeds featuring the Titans and have them logged in the system. On slow days I go ahead and watch them. Guess who has been all over the news as of this morning?"

"Yeah, so? Raven predicted this, remember?"

"Just because Raven knew it was coming doesn't mean she's not going to be in a completely foul mood over it."

"Dude, you're completely overreacting…Actually, you're kinda reacting how I might react…that's so weird."

"Not the point! Besides, if we go out there now, we'll have to help put the groceries away."

"…Good point."

"See?"

"Okay, so how long do we have to hole up in this closet?"

"Just a sec." Cyborg opened a panel on his arm and light flooded their small hiding space. Seeing as how they were both rather tall, they were both comically scrunched up amidst dusty objects that Garfield didn't recognize but assumed Cyborg knew what they were for since it all looked like it belonged in a mechanic's garage. After tapping at his arm for a couple of seconds Cyborg looked up. "Okay, according to my GPS tracker, both of the girls are currently in the kitchen, which means they're probably putting away the groceries. I think, if we walk really slowly, that they'll probably finish up right when we get there."

"So, we can get out of the closet now is what you're saying."

"Yeah, pretty much." Some comical squeezing and contortion later, both boys were dusting themselves off in the hallway and making their way, albeit slowly, to the kitchen.

"So, what exactly was the news saying about Rae?"

"Mostly that it was some kind of miracle that she was up off her death bed and in seemingly perfect health. Actually, she remained perfectly polite for a lot longer than I thought she would having been the center of attention for as long as she was."

"Well that's something at least." The boys entered the common room with the usual swoosh of the door to find Starfire and Raven just finishing with the groceries. Cyborg nailed the timing.

"Look Friend Raven! Just as you predicted, Friends Beast Boy and Cyborg have arrived and we have just finished! Are you sure you do not list precognitive powers amongst your abilities?" Starfire asked from her perch at the counter, mustard with straw poking out in hand.

"Nope, they're just predictable." Raven deadpanned from the cupboard, Garfield could see her usual tea fixings arrayed on the counter in front of her.

"What are you talking about? We were just on our way here to help!" Garfield denied loudly.

"Sure you were," Raven agreed, "you just made sure to take your time so that there would either be nothing left to help with or very little. It's the thought that counts." she retorted sarcastically. Garfield grumbled before making his way over to Starfire, but was secretly pleased Raven was in such a good mood. Apparently grocery shopping with Starfire hadn't been all that bad if she was teasing him without the sharp barbs. Cyborg was rummaging in the freshly stocked fridge for a couple of not-cold-at-all-but-still-it's-soda sodas when the common room doors swooshed open once more.

"Hey guys. So, how was grocery shopping girls?" Robin asked, mostly addressing Raven, before taking the seat on Starfire's other side. Garfield was willing to bet his entire comic book collection that Robin had similarly timed his arrival to avoid grocery detail. Cyborg reached down for a third luke-warm soda, kicking the fridge closed, and passed them to his teammates before sitting next to Garfield and turning his attention to Raven.

"It was fine." Raven turned to the kettle and fiddled with it. When it didn't look like she was going to elaborate Robin cleared his throat to try again.

"Um, did you get everything on the list?"

"Sure did."

"Uh, did you guys enjoy yourselves?" Robin asked, still trying to make conversation.

"Yep."

Robin grunted before giving up and opening his soda, the wet fizzy noise not loud enough for Garfield to miss his soft 'Really Raven?'.

Garfield decided it was his turn. "Cy says you guys were on the news."

"Not really surprising, there were a lot of news vans." Sensing she wasn't going to continue Garfield huffed and plopped down on the counter, glaring at Raven and her lack of participation. So much for her shopping experience being a good one.

"So…anything interesting happen?" Cyborg asked.

Raven shrugged, "Not really." A small squeak to his left made Garfield turn to see that Starfire was hovering over her stool and looked almost pained trying to restrain herself. Her grin was huge but she was biting her lip trying to fight it. Raven sighed causing Garfield to throw a quick glance at her before she continued, "Go ahead Star, internalizing your excitement doesn't really diminish it so you might as well not bother."

"FRIENDS! IT WAS A MOST JOYOUS OCCASION TO DO THE SHOPPING OF THE GROCERY WITH FRIEND RAVEN!" she practically sang. Garfield stuck a finger in his ear and wiggled it around. Teach him to sit so close to Star when she was excited about something. "We walked every aisle looking at the most fascinating items for sale and I learned many new things and met many new people and the friendship between Friend Raven and myself has grown much stronger!"

"Geeze, take a breath Star." Cyborg teased.

Robin smiled goofily at Starfire, "Go ahead Star, tell us all about it."

Grin never diminishing, Starfire launched into her story and Garfield leaned back, settling in for a while. Raven turned with her steaming mug, dipping her packet of herbal tea as she leaned against the counter, apparently content to let Starfire narrate their grocery shopping adventure. "At first I was most concerned for Friend Cyborg." Starfire began.

"What? Why?" Robin asked, looking across his friends at the metal man.

"Because Friend Raven mentioned his 'separation anxiety' for the T car." Garfield couldn't help it, he spewed soda everywhere. Thankfully Raven had an uncanny ability to predict his actions and stepped safely aside. He wasn't so unaware that he missed the fact that she stepped further away from Cyborg or that she twitched her hood a little farther down in front of her face. Robin had thrown his head back and roared with laughter and Cyborg hunched over his soda, storm cloud brewing overhead.

Once Robin calmed down from his giggle fit he asked, "And what exactly did Raven tell you that meant?" Raven turned away from them, busying herself with her kettle.

"Actually, I learned that term from the television. It was used to describe the feeling small Earth children get when separated from their primary care givers. I did have to ask however, as Friend Cyborg usually refers to the T car as his baby which in this case seems to be the opposite of what the term ought to imply. But then, the T car is not capable of emotion so it does not make sense that it would experience the anxiety of separation." Starfire shrugged, not as fluidly as a true Earthling but she'd gotten much better at Earth mannerisms than she gave herself credit for, "Friend Raven told me it meant that the fondness Friend Cyborg has for his car is unsurpassed by any object of this world and to do the 'not worrying about it'." Garfield wiped his eyes, god could Raven be funny.

"_Anyway_, moving on." Cyborg grumbled, shooting daggers at Raven's back.

"Yes. Well, once we arrived at the store of grocery, we proceeded to walk the aisles starting from the far left of the store before methodically working our way down every aisle in a serpentine pattern towards the far right of the store before we would then approach the lines of checking out. It was quite surprising and delightful when citizens of Jump started approaching Friend Raven to ask after her well being. They seemed most surprised at her seemingly wonderful health."

"That's not all that surprising considering what has been on the news this past week." Robin pointed out. Garfield was actually glad Robin had suggested Raven be kept in the dark about that; they certainly hadn't been flattering her in their reports.

"Indeed. It seemed everyone was most eager to share their wishing of well for Friend Raven! She even signed 'the autograph' for one of the citizens of Jump!"

"Wow Rae, fans mobbing you at the store?" Garfield teased, honestly glad for it. Raven didn't really have many fans, especially ones that weren't perverted teenage boys in desperate need of getting their lights knocked out.

"I wouldn't describe it like that; besides she told me you were her favorite anyway."

"What?" he asked surprised.

"Way to go Greenbean!" Cyborg cheered hoisting his soda for a salute.

"Yes! Apparently she was most impressed with Friend Beast Boy's acts of valor towards Friend Raven! She was most generous with her praise." Starfire smiled, her tone however, implied something more. He wasn't sure what it was but he definitely did _not_ imagined Raven's suddenly tense shoulders.

"Well alright now yall! Hey Star, was she pretty?" Cyborg teased. Raven set down her mug rather firmly before turning to put all of her tea things away. Her movements lacked their usual grace; they were much sharper. What about this fan seemed to have her so on edge?

"Yes! Hannah was a very lovely girl! Her young companions were also most nice!"

"How many autographs did _you_ sign for those boys Star?" Raven piped in, a strange leading inflexion in her tone; Robin picked right up on it.

"Boys? As in plural?" he asked, his feigned indifference would only ever fool Star, that was for sure.

"Why yes! Hannah's brother Bobby and his very best friend Thomas! They were very thoughtful as they wished to get the autograph for a great many of their friends! I was concerned however as they both seemed rather dazed, as if they were suffering from some sort of recent head trauma." Raven gave a snort which she quickly covered with an exceedingly fake sounding cough.

Cyborg laughed at a sullen Robin before grinning evilly. "Aw, they liked you Star! Was either of them good looking enough to tempt you?"

"Cyborg!" Robin yelped. The boys couldn't help but snicker.

"They were very nice for Earth boys, but I think they would be rather young for me, correct Raven?" Starfire looked to Raven with a smile, but the smile and her tone had a definite edge of teasing. She was _enjoying_ Robin's reaction. Good for her.

"You'd be a bona-fide cradle robber Star." Raven didn't have a smile on her face, but there was a hint of one in her voice. Garfield felt his own mouth pull up at the corners.

Starfire let out a sharp gasp, "I would never! Bumgorfs are our most precious treasure! To steal one from a K'norfka would be to invite the wrath and vengeance of the fiercest of warriors and the shame of X'Hal!" Starfire cried.

"You want to explain this one Robin?" Raven asked calmly, sipping her tea, casually leaning back against the counter to face them.

Robin threw her a glare before turning to Starfire. "She didn't mean you'd literally be stealing babies Star, 'cradle robber' is something you call somebody who dates a much younger person so that you can tease them."

"Oh, how much younger?" she asked, eyes wide. Come to think of it, wasn't Star _older_ than Robin? At least as time is measured on her planet?

"It's not a big deal, just people teasing their friends." Raven said dismissively.

"So, what else did you guys do at the grocery store?" Robin asked, clearly trying to change the subject. Poor guy, why he couldn't just suck it up and kiss the girl was beyond him.

"Oh yes! I learned many things today! Friend Raven is a most excellent teacher!" Starfire beamed. "She explained many things including how Earthlings use 'the slang' when they speak because they are the 'lazy'!"

"Hey!" Garfield protested at his violet eyed teammate. "I'm not that lazy! Slang is cool!"

"You can come talk to me about not being lazy when your vocabulary improves." she deadpanned.

"I'll have you know that my vocabulary is just fine thank you very much." he argued.

"Really?" she cocked a brow at him, a smirk on her face. He could feel his own lips twitching, wanting to mimic her. Sass was probably having a ball right now. "What does…'unequivocal' mean?"

"Uh…can you use it in a sentence?" he hedged. He had a vague idea, having come across it before, but his mind was a blank at the moment.

Her brow rose even higher and her smirk widened, "That, Beast Boy, would be cheating. Using the context of a sentence to figure out a word, while resourceful, would negate the whole point of the exercise."

"Okay, so I'm a little hazy on some words, that doesn't mean I'm not smart!" he pointed out. He really did recognize the word; it just wouldn't come to him at the moment. Crap. Now he was going to have to go look it up or else it was going to bother him all day.

She frowned, "I never said a word about your intelligence. In fact, requesting I use the word in a sentence was rather clever, and someone who wasn't very smart would more likely have responded with a huff and a boast rather than thinking of a way to get around not knowing the word off the top of their heads. I have no doubts about your intelligence Beast Boy, when you apply yourself you can accomplish a great deal. Any lesson that could be taken from this situation however," she added as she made her way from the kitchen towards the common room doors, "might be that you could benefit from applying yourself a little more often."

Raven was almost to the door when he called out, "Wait! What _does_ 'unequivocal' mean?" He still wanted to know, but it _would_ be less work if Raven just told him.

She turned back, eyebrow cocked once more, before she shook her head with a small, almost-not-there smile. "I suppose _asking_ someone does count as applying yourself since you could have just let it go…'Unequivocal', to have a clear or definite meaning, allowing for no room for misinterpretation. I hope my thoughts on your intelligence have been expressed unequivocally." With that, she left the room. Garfield wasn't left to his thoughts about Raven's opinion of his intelligence for long before Starfire caught his attention again.

"Friends!" she cried, but in a subdued tone. She wanted their attention but she was containing her volume, why would she do that? "I have most interesting news to share with you that I was afraid to discuss with Friend Raven still in the room!" That definitely caught Garfield's attention.

"What is it Star?" Robin asked. Garfield could just see his 'leader mode' wheels starting to kick into gear.

"Friend Raven used her powers today, twice! And she did not even seem to notice!"

"What!?" Garfield was fairly sure that all three of them had asked that simultaneously.

"Yes! The first time was when we were surrounded by many reporters of the news from many news reporting stations. They would not stop asking Friend Raven questions that were making her uncomfortable such as 'Since she is half-demon, where would she go if she really did die' or about her relationship with Friend Beast Boy or—"

"Woah! What?!" Garfield interrupted sharply.

"Yes, Friend Raven used her powers to create space between them and ourselves. They were very much doing the 'invading of our personal spaces'."

"No, I mean, what were they asking her?" Damn them! Damn them and that stupid 'Fair Rights Information and Disclaimer Bill. The public didn't need to know their origins or species or whatever to know they were being protected. That damn law required them to all disclose extremely person information, just about everything other than their secret identities if they were human, and the backlash from finding out Raven's heritage had been astronomical. What did it matter who her parents were when she risked her life every single freaking day to protect this city an all the people in it? Why couldn't they just leave her alone?!

Starfire turned to him, visibly drooping at the remembrance of her friend's discomfort. "They were very much the 'not nice' to Friend Raven. The reporters of news, however, were much more tame than those PopRocksies without news affiliations."

"PopRocksies? You mean paparazzi?" Cyborg asked, brow furrowed. He was just as pissed as Garfield about them targeting Raven.

"Yes." Starfire recounted sadly. "The PopRocks—Pop-arazzi, were wanting photos of 'the candid' and were saying some very not nice things to Friend Raven. I did not understand what they were trying to ask of myself either." Starfire told them, her brow scrunching in confusion. At this point Garfield couldn't see much besides red.

"Cy, you said you had an algor-dohookie that watched the news. What were they saying about Raven?"

"There wasn't anything bad on the news. They didn't have any shots of her losing her temper or using her powers. Most of the shots were from across the street, there wasn't anything about them asking questions directly. I mean, you could _clearly_ see that she was irritated by them but she was keeping it together in all the shots they showed."

"That's probably because of the 'No unauthorized interviews' rule. They couldn't legally use any of that up-close and question filled footage without the Titan's coming down on them. They wouldn't waste future interview opportunities on shots of an irritated Raven when most of their footage was probably her denying everything they'd been saying for the past week."

"Yeah, but there's nothing keeping the paparazzi from using any shots they took." Cyborg pointed out.

"Actually, they probably do not have any photos of Friend Raven. As I have said, she used her powers twice on our excursion. The second time was on the Pop-arazzi. She drew back her hood and revealed untold horrors. When she did so, all the Pop-arazzi cameras were damaged."

"And Raven didn't _say_ anything? She used her powers and just didn't _notice_?" That couldn't be right. Raven was really worked up about her powers. She said she couldn't feel them anymore. How could she have not noticed if she'd used them?

"That is what I find most alarming. Friend Raven has expressed concern for the absence of her powers and yet did not seem to notice their return."

"Maybe she never really lost them? Cyborg, you said you couldn't find anything physically wrong with Raven?" Garfield could almost see the wheels turning in their leader's head.

"Nope. Physically she's all healed up. I've never been able to get a read on her powers, though. I've always just taken her word on it. The girl ought to understand her own powers. What do you think this means? She can still use them but doesn't know that?"

"It might be that her powers being gone are just psychological, like before, after that movie. She doesn't 'feel' them anymore so she assumes she can't use her powers."

"But she can't." Garfield argued. "I've watched her try. She can't summon even a flicker of her dark energy, no matter how worked up she gets." After all, if she could, Rage could have done some major damage and Affection would have been able to fix it…hopefully.

"But she could push back a press of reporters when she was uncomfortable?" Cyborg asked, brow furrowed.

"Subconsciously." Robin answered, deep in thought.

"Friend Robin, please share your theory with us." Starfire prodded him when he didn't elaborate for several moments.

"It's something Raven said, right before the backlash of her powers. We were talking about the differences between the conscious and subconscious minds." Only Robin and Raven could have arguments punctuated by psychological discussions. "She mentioned something about a block between the two and how she had the power to remove it. It would make sense then, that she also has the power to put a block in place. That would explain why she can't feel her powers; she thinks she lost them, but they're still there. She can only access them subconsciously, when she doesn't realize she does it."

Okay, this conversation was striking a little close to home. What exactly were Raven and Robin talking about that would mention psychological blocks and lead to Robin apologizing to him? Garfield did _not_ like the implications. "Okay, so she doesn't realize at the time that she's using her powers. Why not afterward? Why doesn't she suddenly realize that the press didn't back off voluntarily and it wasn't the wind that smashed the paparazzi's cameras?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's some side effect of the block? The point is, Raven still has her powers." Robin's smile was triumphant.

"But she can't consciously use them." Cyborg argued. "Can't really fight crime if all you can do is hope your subconscious reacts how you normally do in battle."

"Raven said the subconscious relies on instinct." he explained, smirk never diminishing. "We all rely, at least a little, on instinct when in battle. This might be the key we need to unlock the block in her mind." So their discussion involved psychological blocks, talk about instincts, and led to an apology to him…now he was _really_ not liking the implications.

"But Robin, that doesn't make sense in the second incident. Friend Raven very purposely removed her hood for the Pop-arazzi. Perhaps the cameras were damaged accidently, but she very clearly meant to scare them with her powers."

"Wait…" something was nagging him in the back of his mind, something to do with Raven's subconscious and her powers. "Star, did Rae seem emotional to you? I mean, different than usual."

Starfire looked up in thought, "Nothing unusual, she seemed most displeased by the actions of the Pop-arazzi but she did not seem more or less unlike herself than usual." Suddenly Star's face lit up in excitement before her buoyed feelings lifted her off her stool. "But we did have a most marvelous time talking of the Shakespeare and going to the theater and how she is working on her emotional control with Friend Beast Boy, and of Tamaran, and she told me a wonderful childhood memory of her time on Azarath!"

Wait, what? "What did she tell you?" Garfield asked in a little alarm. That was an awful lot of sharing for one afternoon, especially if Raven was in a foul mood.

"Yes! It was most joyous! Friend Raven said that once she is ready she would seek my aid in the control and understanding of her emotions like Friend Beast Boy is already helping! She then asked after my K'norfka and how life on Tamaran proceeds. She was most distracted on the drive home and she informed me it was because she was conversing with her emotions. She said they were encouraging her to share a story with me as I had shared with her!"

"Say what!? She was driving my baby while distracted?!" Cyborg snapped, the others largely ignored him.

"She told you about her life on Azarath?" Garfield couldn't believe it. That was something no amount of wheedling had ever gotten her to open up about before, at least with him.

"Well, it was more just one memory, but she said it was what allowed her to eventually come to Earth and become a Titan." Starfire was elated. Garfield hated to admit it, but he was jealous. Raven had shared something really personal and private with Starfire and he really, really, _really_ wanted to know what it was.

"So uh, what was the memory about?" he asked, feigning indifference, much more effectively than Robin he'd like to point out.

"It was a memory of a childhood adventure in facing her fears and standing up for what she believed in most strongly." Starfire answered, tactfully avoiding giving away any details that Garfield hungered for.

Before he could question further, Robin interrupted. "What has that got to do with Raven's powers? I know her powers are based on her emotions, but I fail to see the connection, Beast Boy."

Garfield clutched at the thought of wringing more details out of Starfire before heaving a sigh and letting it go. They needed to worry about Raven's powers and helping her right now; he could worry about her memories and how to get her to share them with him on his own time. "It's just that, yeah, I've been helping Raven with her emotional control and I've noticed that sometimes her emotions _take_ control. She reacts to it so I know she's aware that it happens, but that's when she's actively releasing her grip on them. Maybe when she subconsciously does it, she doesn't realize that one of them has acted at all?" The hood trick would be right up Rude and Sass' alley.

"Hmm, a good theory Beast Boy." Garfield hated that he perked up at the praise. He really didn't need to feel like a 'good puppy' because his leader acknowledged his contributions.

"We've all witnessed the freakiness that is Raven's different emotions talking through her." Cyborg shuddered at the thought. "What I want to know is, why is it happening?"

"It must be connected to her battle with Adonis. None of this strangeness occurred until she awoke from her healing trance." Starfire pointed out.

"She did take a nasty blow to the back of the head." Cyborg conceded.

"Raven told me about her mental shields being down. She said she didn't have control of her powers after she was injured. We're all really lucky Beast Boy got her away when he did. Who knows what could have happened." Beast Boy was a little worried about the _intensity_ of Robin's comment. It sounded like he meant it to be an offhand remark but that there was nothing offhand about it to him. Garfield's curiosity was raging.

"Even though he broke protocol?" Cyborg asked, brows raised.

Robin set his eyes on Beast Boy though he addressed Cyborg, "Sometimes circumstances negate protocol." He turned away, "Just don't make a habit of it." What was that about?

Cyborg glanced at his green buddy before addressing their leader. "So, A) we think Raven still has her powers but she has no conscious control over it. B) Her powers are influenced by her emotions, and currently they're running amuck inside her head. C) She's working on controlling her emotions but they have a tendency to control her. And D), now we suspect that her emotions can use her powers without her even knowing. Does that about sum it up?" he asked, having ticked each point off his fingers. Everybody exchanged glances with each other before nodding at him. "Well, alright then. Who wants lunch?"

**AN2: So, this wasn't originally where this was going but I think this will be much better for moving the plot along…yes, there is a plot here. Granted this fic is mostly character driven, but there is an overarching theme even if I don't really emphasize it as much as I could. I'm shameless however when it comes to favoring character driven stories rather than plot driven ones. So anyway, I probably don't deserve it, but reviews? I could really use some fuzzies to get me through my presentation on my preliminary thesis data…even a small fuzzy? Just something to let me know you guys are still out there? Please?**


	9. Hard Hits and Chick Flicks

**Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me. Also, BB's really bad jokes, I mean, the really, really bad ones, those are more than likely off Popsicle sticks.**

**AN1: No excuses. The delay was my bad and I'm sorry. Here you go!**

* * *

**Nine – Hard Hits and Chick Flicks**

Raven found herself overlooking the bay, not meditating as she probably should be, but lost in thought. She was nursing a couple of bruises and overall her mood was far from stellar. Morning training had been humiliating. Granted she was getting better at hand to hand, but there was no way she was going to be able to go into the field anytime soon if her powers didn't reappear. This was ridiculous! Sure, Robin was a martial arts expert with _years_ of rigorous and advanced training so she could never realistically hope to ever compete with him, but Garfield hadn't any formal training at all and _he_ wiped the floor with her! And he'd been pulling his punches; he denied it fervently, but she was experienced enough that she could tell. The point was that he was just far stronger and faster than she was, not only because of his meta-human abilities but simply because he was a lot more muscular than she. He was taller, heavier, stronger, and had a lot longer reach. To land any blows at all she had to be close, real close. Raven hated close fighting. She worked best at a distance. She wasn't built to have force behind her limbs, she was built for magic. Magic she was incapable of using at the moment.

It was an accident, Garfield certainly hadn't meant for the blow to land but he'd overestimated her reflexes, or underestimated his own. One of the dangers of infighting, there wasn't a lot of room for error. He'd been horrified when, after a series of dodges, she failed to duck the last one. He had animal quick reflexes; much like the striking of a cobra, Raven hadn't even seen the last one coming. His jabs had been coming faster and faster and she'd had trouble keeping up, it was only a matter of time before she just couldn't anymore. He'd tried to pull it; he'd tried to lessen the blow. As it was, it really only grazed her, but she was half his size and so she went down. She'd gotten back up but Garfield was done. He was afraid of really hurting her and it frustrated her beyond reason. If Raven couldn't even hold her own against a teammate taking it easy on her she'd never see a real fight again, not even against the C-rate villains like Dr. Light.

"Thought I'd find you up here." Raven didn't bother turning, just stared out at the early afternoon sun glinting off the water. "So, training went well." Robin said coming to sit next to her at the edge of the roof.

"Please," she huffed, "I'm an embarrassment to the team."

Robin scowled, "No Raven, you're not. Just because you can't kick all of our butts after a week of training doesn't make you an embarrassment. You're being too hard on yourself. You can't expect the skill set of a master in a matter of days. Besides, you are a lot more skilled than you're giving yourself credit for. Just because you haven't been trained by Batman or able to keep up with Beast Boy's reflexes doesn't mean you're not an extremely capable combatant. We're not your average humans Raven, we have an unfair advantage."

"That's true, but I can hardly function as a productive part of this team at the moment now can I? Our typical opponents aren't your average humans either…and neither am I."

"No one expects you to go up against super villains at this point Raven."

"_That's_ the point." she snapped. "Without my powers I'm useless!"

"That's not true." he argued, scowl firmly in place.

Raven glared at him, "If it wasn't true you wouldn't be keeping me locked up in the Tower."

"That's completely different." he stiffened.

"How is that different Robin?"

"Raven, if any of our enemies learned of your condition, you'd be a sitting target! If there's some emergency out there and you're alone, you—"

"Would be useless." she cut in. "Let's be realistic here Robin, you're afraid if I leave the safety of the Tower I'd be helpless on my own. It's why you suggested hand to hand training in the first place. So until I make some real improvement I'm little better than a prisoner here."

"I'm sorry you feel that way Raven, that wasn't my intention." he sighed. "I'm just trying to protect you. Protect the team." She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Raven, if something happened to you, it would be a huge blow to the rest of us. We don't want anything to happen to you, and right now you're not as…" he struggled to find the right word, "strong as you usually are." She snorted. "It's alright to be upset about this you know."

"What?" she snapped. She didn't need him to tell her how to feel.

"I know what a blow to your independence this must be." he answered, gazing out over the bay. "You're used to being one of the strongest members of the team; with the full range of your powers you could easily defeat any of us, all of us even. And now, suddenly you've been stripped of your defenses, your powers gone. Everything that made you stronger than the rest of us, everything that made you 'of use to the team' is gone. You're used to only needing to rely on yourself. You protect your teammates and friends; you shield us, heal us, fight for us. In the end, you could leave and be no worse for wear. But now, now you're vulnerable. Now you don't really have a choice but to rely on us. Let us shield you, keep you safe, fight for you. You're amazingly stubborn when the tables are turned you know." he smiled softly.

"But just because you can't throw cars around with abandon, or trap Beast Boy against the ceiling whenever he irritates you anymore, doesn't mean that you're not still an integral part of this team Raven. You're more important to us than you realize. You're a pillar Raven. You are wisdom, steadfastness, and unshakable. You're always there. Always in the background, behind the scenes; reliable, loyal, your sarcastic dry quips every bit the tension breakers as Beast Boy's corny jokes." Robin shook his head, running his fingers through his gelled locks. "You wouldn't be part of this team if all you had to offer were your powers, is what I'm trying to get at."

Raven was silent for several moments contemplating her leader's words. He made some valid points, but he wasn't completely correct either. He was well aware that she couldn't leave the team even if he wasn't admitting it; no matter the circumstances, she didn't have anywhere else to go. "That's all very touching Robin, but it doesn't do much for the fact that I can't fight."

"We'll find a way around it."

"Robin—"

"Have some faith Raven." Robin stood, dusting off his pants. "Come on. I originally came up here to drag you out with us." He smirked, "I mean, what kind of warden would I be if I didn't let you out for exercise and stuff?"

Raven scowled up at him before her brow furrowed for an entirely different reason. "Not that I'm not glad for the invitation but…"

"But doesn't it usually come from Beast Boy?" he asked, sighing. "Yeah, he's not exactly in the best mood right now."

"Because of training?" she scowled. "He does realize how ridiculous he's being right? We were sparing; you're supposed to take some hits. How am I ever going to survive a real fight if I've never gotten knocked flat before?"

"I'm sure he's very aware of that Raven," Robin crossed his arms, looking down at her, "but I think it was a bit of an eye opener for him that he was the one to knock you flat."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, like it or not you're vulnerable without your powers, Raven. It's not something we ever really give thought too, being superheroes. Putting our lives on the line, throwing ourselves head first into fights, it's what we do. We live really dangerous lives. Yeah, we give mortality thought, we acknowledge that the next fight could be our last, but I don't think any of us really _believes_ it." Robin was pacing, he started ticking points off his fingers, "We're well trained. We're experienced. We've escaped death countless times. It hasn't made us careless, but it has made us…it lets us take for granted a lot of stuff. Like how vulnerable we really are." he looked her in the eye before resuming his pacing.

"We rely on our skills, strengths, teamwork, training, all our hours of dedication to the job to see us through; but how often do we really think about losing one of those pieces of the whole, and how that affects us? You're half-demon. You've got a stronger body than full humans. You have better reflexes, you can create shields, teleport from danger, heal wounds. You're mortal, so you can get hurt, you could die. But you're so strong. You're powerful. You can definitely take a hit and come back swinging. The fact of the matter is we're all vulnerable, but we've got confidence in ourselves, in our abilities, and in our team. We overcome our vulnerabilities." Robin turned to look at her again, his pacing ceasing.

"But then, suddenly you can't. Suddenly everything that masked the very real danger has been stripped away. Everything that kept the danger at bay, everything that made it seem less real, less immediate, is gone and there's nothing standing between you and the threat."

"Okay, all that makes sense, but what has that got to do with Beast Boy?"

"You're well aware of your own vulnerability. You chafe at my precautions, put in place because I've become aware of it as well. The others," Robin was struggling with his explanation, it really wasn't like him, "intellectually they recognize that no powers equals being vulnerable. But recognizing something and understanding something, really understanding something, are two very different things. Knowing someone could be in danger and seeing them in danger inspire very different reactions. Every day we've been witness to your skills, your strength, and your power. Beast Boy has been at the mercy of your power more than once." Robin's lips quirked briefly but it was quick to fade, "It's one thing for Beast Boy to know that without your powers you're in greater danger of getting hurt in a fight; it's another for him to be standing over you while you're reeling from a blow. Realizing that you can't create magic shields, you can't teleport from danger, you can't heal your injuries; that's a hard realization to come to terms with. Today was a real eye opener for him because I think he's finally grasped the severity of the situation."

Raven frowned. She wanted to protest, to argue. That wasn't right, hardly accurate. Today hadn't made Garfield open his eyes to her vulnerability; he'd been well aware of it for far longer than just today. He'd been helping her cope and overcome since the very beginning of this mess. He's the one that came to her aid first when the fight with Adonis was over, he's the one that found her in her room after the backlash of her powers, he's the one that has spent at least some time _every day _since the accident working with her emotions so that she'll be better able to handle her powers once they return. Garfield knew _exactly _how vulnerable she was. That's not what has him in his current mood. She didn't know what it was, but she knew that _that_ wasn't it.

"I don't think that's the case." she argued quietly.

"Why not?"

"Because Beast Boy has been working with me since this problem started. He is well aware of the fact that I can't launch him from the roof anymore. Why would he suddenly have some revelation about it today? That doesn't make any sense."

"You don't think that spending years on the receiving end of your magical retribution, having been conditioned to expect it, the lack of retaliation might catch him by surprise?"

"Maybe." she conceded. Despite Robin's logic however, something still felt off. That was perhaps part of Garfield's reaction, but it didn't explain the emotions that _weren't_ surprise. It didn't fit his response to her satisfaction.

"Maybe you should spar with me for a while." Robin suggested.

"I don't see how I'm going to have a choice." Raven grimaced, remembering the look on Garfield's face.

"You'd be surprised."

"What do you mean?" she queried, looking up at her leader and friend.

"Beast Boy didn't so much volunteer to be your partner as insist." Robin explained without much explanation at all. Raven simply gave him a _look_ and waited. "He _wanted_ to be your training partner."

"Okay, but he won't want to after today. Didn't you see his face?"

"Yeah. I suppose it's the same look I might have if I'd sent Starfire sprawling." he said very quietly.

Raven's brow furrowed, "What, you mean incredulous?" she asked confused at the association. "No offense Robin, but it is physically impossible for you to send Starfire to her rear end unless you tripped her when she was too sad to take flight." she was sure her face illustrated how likely _that_ was ever to be. "No human would be strong enough for that besides maybe Cyborg. It's in her genetic makeup."

"That's not what I mean."

"Oh." she retorted, scowling. "This is one of those male chivalry things, isn't it? For your information, just because Starfire and I are female does not mean we're helpless hothouse flowers in need of sheltering. I'll have you know the two of us could take the three of you any day…well, we could when I still had my powers." she muttered bitterly.

Robin rolled his eyes, not that Raven could see because of his mask, but his emotions were quite clear; he rolled his eyes. "Starfire can take the three of us on her own no problem, or don't you remember the Gordanian incident? And as for you, the four of us didn't stand a chance against your f—Trigon, and yet you took care of him alone. Your being female has nothing to do with any of this." Robin put his hand to his chin in thought, "Actually, that's not quite true." he told her with a slight grin. "If you weren't female he probably wouldn't be reacting the way he has, but I assure you it's less about chivalry than all that." His grin was more outright mischievous at this point.

"Whatever." she said dismissively. She knew him well enough to know that at this point he wasn't going to explain any further than he had. He'd probably just smile enigmatically and change the subject. He wanted her to figure out his vague hints for herself and he was going to enjoy every moment she didn't…and be undeservedly smug when she did. Raven finally stood and brushed off her bottom, "Where are we going anyway?"

"We were thinking the park. It's a gorgeous afternoon and having a chance to relax under the sunshine will do all of us some good. There's been a lot of tension in the tower and I think getting away from it all will help."

"Fine."

"Great! Then you can go get Beast Boy. We'll see you in the T car!" Robin grinned, waving on his way towards the roof entrance.

"Wait, what? Hold on now, that was _not_ what I agreed to!"

"Thanks Raven!" he called, blatantly ignoring her as he descended the stairs out of sight.

"_Are you kidding me? He's really bailing on us?"_

"_I don't know, I give him props for his delivery. His timing was very good."_

"_The park! I love the park! RaeRae go get BB and let's go to the park!"_

"_Forget the park; I like the 'go get BB' idea though."_

"Enough." Raven barked out loud. Grimacing at herself she stalked towards the door and made her way down into the Tower. Unfortunately her emotions were just as stubborn individually as she was as a whole.

"_Ah, come on RaeRae, you know you're not really upset with us. You want to go to the park too."_

"If it means getting out of this Tower, then yes, I can deal with the park."

"'_Deal with' she says. You know Raven, you can lie to your friends but you can't lie to us. We _are_ you. What you know, we know. We know you like the park."_

"_AND we know you like G—"_

"Silence!" she hissed, her body tensing, hands fisted at her sides.

"Uh, okay. Sorry Rae." Raven whirled around to find Garfield scuffing his boots into the hallway carpet, ears and shoulders drooped, eyes focused on his shoes.

"No, not you Garfield." she sighed in frustration.

He looked up at her, studying her face before his own cleared into relief. "Oh, you were having an internal discussion."

"You could call it that." she muttered.

He grinned, "What were you arguing about this time?"

Raven smirked; she could feel Sass push herself to the forefront, "Oh, just the best way to force your skinny butt into the T car. I've been commissioned by Robin to ensure you accompany us to the park." Raven grimaced internally; did she really have to mention specific parts of his anatomy?

_A laugh, "It's not like you aren't already thinking about those specific parts."_

"Shut up!" she snapped back.

"Um, Rae, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you might not want to do that outside the Tower." Raven turned her attention back to her companion. "It's just that, _we_ know what's going on but the general public doesn't and I don't think it would be a good idea if they found out one of the Titans had voices in their heads and were holding conversations with themselves." Garfield was really going to rub the back of his head raw if he didn't quit that.

Raven heaved a sigh and started rubbing her temples, "Yeah, I know. It's just that I hear them so often now that it's hard to ignore them."

"Maybe ignoring them isn't the answer." he replied thoughtfully.

"Answering them isn't either." she snipped.

"No, I was thinking more along the lines of _listening _to them." his face was impassive, no mean feat for the green changeling. He was attempting to not influence her thoughts on the matter.

"Listening to them?" she quirked a brow.

"Well, you know," he hedged, "they're a part of you, and for the most part they're a repressed part of you." He looked distinctly uncomfortable but he plowed on, "You were the one that told me understanding the pieces of your mind were necessary to understand the whole." He grinned, "I'm still not sure what all of your psycho-babble was supposed to mean, but it worked for me Rae."

"_The GreenMachine has a point Rae-Rae."_

"_A valid one! Listen to the boy! Listen to us!"_

"I hear them loud and clear; trust me they don't have anything to say."

"_Are you kidding? I've got loads to say!"_

"Okay, they haven't got anything _worth_ saying." she quipped with an eye roll.

Garfield smiled, "I think you ought to give them a chance. They're a part of you Rae, and I've never known you to have bad advice."

"Trust me, the majority of what they've said so far has been far from helpful." she snorted her disdain.

"Well, maybe it's because you're not listening."

"So they're going to suddenly stop spouting nonsense and start being useful?"

"You never know until you try."

"Maybe." she conceded.

"So…the park?"

"Yeah, Robin and the others are waiting in the T car."

As they started towards the Tower's garage, Garfield's expression of easy going contentment morphed into a scowl of annoyance. "Hey, wait a second. How come all _Robin_ had to do was ask you to go to the park when _I_ usually have to beg, wheedle, and bribe you?" Garfield stopped in the middle of the hall and crossed his arms, scowling down at her.

Raven tossed her hair and kept walking, "Because he told me you were sulking, thus there wouldn't be anybody to beg, wheedle, or bribe me. Now, are you coming or what?"

"Just like that?" he asked, quirking a brow.

"Just like that." Raven couldn't hear his steps, he moved with far too much stealth, but as he was suddenly by her side, she assumed he was conceding her point.

"I still don't get it. Why—"

"Maybe I'm just tired of being locked away in the Tower."

"But you normally _like_ being locked away in your room." he argued.

"Maybe, when it's my choice. Not exactly the case anymore."

"Come on, it's not as bad as all that."

"You only think that because you're not the one locked away."

"Robin said you could go wherever you wanted as long as you didn't go by yourself."

"Garfield, people without powers walk around everyday like it's no big deal and it's not. But apparently that doesn't apply to me."

"Well yeah, people without powers don't tend to accumulate arch enemies. If Adonis got out of prison then _anybody_ could. We just want to keep you safe."

"By assigning me a babysitter?" she asked incredulously.

"Hey! We're your friends! You should _want_ to hang out with us!"

That stopped Raven up short. It took Garfield several moments to notice. Was she doing it again? Was she pushing her friends away? Was she hurting them? Starfire thought—

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"It's not…I do enjoy spending time with you all. I wouldn't be going to the park if I didn't." she hedged.

"Woah, hey, I didn't mean anything by it! I know you like your 'me' time. I'm just saying that if you want to go to the bookstore or your creepy café I'm right here you know."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Garfield."  
They were nearly at the garage when Garfield perked up again, "Hey Raven! Why are cornfields such good listeners?" Raven arched a brow in disbelief, was he really asking her such an obviously lame joke? "They're all ears!" Raven could only stare, standing before the closed garage door, hand on the knob, blank stare on her face. "No? Okay, what are ducks' favorite snacks? Quackers!" he answered himself after the briefest pause, smile wide.

Raven opened the door and entered the garage, noticing that her teammates in the car ceased talking when they saw her. "Beast Boy, I was under the impression that when you said you were working on new material that it was going to be _good_ material."

"Hey! Don't diss my jokes, they _are_ good!"

"Those are almost as bad as your joke about turtles and cell phones."

"Shellphones!"

"Exactly. Puns aren't funny Beast Boy. Honestly, it sounds like you're getting your jokes from Saturday morning cartoons."

"What are you talking about, of course they're punny! And, just FYI, Saturday morning cartoons rock!" Raven could only put her face in her hand and groan.

"BB, Raven actually agreed to go to the park without the usual fuss and fanfare, can you please not torture her into changing her mind?" Cyborg asked from the driver's seat.

"Har har, everybody's a critic." he grumbled. Raven moved to slide into the backseat behind Robin as she usually did when she noticed Starfire was already there. After Beast Boy's last growth spurt, Starfire usually sat in the middle but since she wasn't today, Raven shrugged and slid into the middle of the backseat from the driver's side of the car, she was by far the shortest Titan after all, fair enough she got the seat with the least amount of leg room. That didn't make being sandwiched between Beast Boy and Starfire at all comfortable however. Thankfully the ride to the park was short and the sunshine and freedom of the park were well worth her minor discomfort after being trapped in the Tower for what felt like months but was merely days. Of course, if her powers didn't manifest themselves soon she might just lose her mind.

}{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{ ~ }{

The park was only the beginning. Very soon after the park, the Titans started spending almost obscene amounts of time away from the Tower, especially directly following any alerts. Raven, still powerless, was obligated to remain behind on these alerts and apparently the team was afraid this might damage her already delicate psyche or something should she be left alone directly after being excluded. Who knows, maybe they were right. All she knew was that she went from feeling trapped in the Tower to almost yearning for it. There was such a thing as too much of a good thing after all. But here she was, on yet another outing. It was all Garfield's fault too.

"Aw, come on Rae! Your emotions voted, you _wanted_ to come! At least, most of you did." Most of her emotions had started to agree about other things too, didn't mean she was going to let it get to her head…or, whatever.

_'It's only a matter of time Raven. Garfield's right, trying to get you to listen to us. Eventually you'll start paying attention to what we _really _want you to hear.'_ Raven grumbled incoherently but followed along after her friends. At least the movie was about zombies. Raven was surprised actually. Eight out of ten times she'd pick a horror flick, but Starfire _hated_ scary movies. Why would she agree to a zombie movie? Honestly, Starfire acted like she was looking _forward_ to it. From what she understood, the movie had comedic elements and there was a supposed 'cure' available towards the end which implied a happy ending so she supposed Starfire could get behind that; but if you've seen one zombie movie you've seen them all, blood, gore, and lots of violence. That's what she thought at least, until she started watching it. A love story between a zombie and a human? That's almost as bad as a love story between a vampire and a human! Granted nothing could compare to the horror Raven experienced with _that_ sparkly monstrosity Starfire brought home, but a zombie? Putrefied rotting flesh was _not_ a turn on, thank you very much. Granted he wasn't rotting in the movie and turned out quite handsome in the end, but he was _dead_. Necrophilia much?

"Dude! You said it was a zombie movie, not a zombie chick flick!" Garfield growled at Robin. "I didn't even know such a thing existed!"

"Hey! Do you know how hard it is to find a movie we'll all agree on? At least this had something everyone could get something out of! It might have been a chick flick but there were zombies, fighting, and comedy. Honestly it wasn't that bad!"

"Of course not! It was most adorable!"

"Hear that Robin?! Adorable! Zombies are _not_ supposed to be adorable!"

"Well, it's not my fault you didn't research the movie before agreeing to see it."

"Because I trusted you man! You're our leader, you're not supposed to steer us wrong!"

"Stop being so melodramatic BB, it wasn't _that_ bad."

"Ha! I saw you zoning out! You were playing computer games in your head again!"

"I was not!"

"Was so!"

"Was anyone else disturbed by the girl falling for the rotting corpse? Was it really just me?" Raven's gravelly voice broke through the bickering.

"Perhaps you did not understand the movie Friend Raven. She did not fall in love with the zombie, but the boy the zombie was! It was a heartwarming tale of loving despite differences and beyond the shallowness of physical form!"

"I'm all about digging deeper Starfire, but not six feet under." Garfield snickered behind her.

"Perhaps, but he did not _stay_ dead. He was cured from his disease."

"Dude! 'Dead' is not 'sick', it's dead! You don't come back from that!"

"Then he was not truly dead, perhaps he was only mostly dead."

"Ah well, he's only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead." Cyborg grinned.

"What's the difference?" Garfield grinned back.

"Now mostly dead is slightly alive; all dead, well with all dead there's usually only one thing that you can do."

"What's that?" Garfield smirked.

"Go through his clothes and look for loose change!" The comedic duo burst into laughter. Raven raised a brow.

Garfield noticed. "Come on, _Princess Bride_? You've seen that." Raven simply stared at him. His eyes widened. "You've never seen that? Where have you been, living under a rock!?"

"It's a movie called the _Princess Bride_, that sounds like a 'chick flick' if I've ever heard of one.

"And that's where you'd be wrong, little lady." Cyborg joined in. "You see, _The Princess Bride_, only pretends to be a chick flick. It's really about adventure, revenge, sword fighting, R-O-U-Ses, being killed by pirates, all that stuff. It makes sense when you watch it because they explain it all in the intro."

"Yeah, and it's based off a book. You love books!" Garfield chimed in.

"So was this movie."

"Yeah, but our movie is way better!"

Raven sighed, there was going to be a Titan Movie Night in her near future, "What's a 'R-O-U-S'?"

"Rodents Of Unusual Size." they answered together.

"Right, forget I asked."

"Nope! You asked, and we will provide! Titan Movie Night!"

"So, _The Princess Bride_ is a given, what else should we add?" Cyborg and Garfield started plotting while Robin rolled his eyes and started to lead them towards the T-car. Apparently Raven's new seat was permanent since Starfire always made sure to sit behind Robin.

"So what's our theme? Are we doing Awesome Movies Pretending to be Lame, Cult Classics—"

"You guys aren't serious are you?" Raven interrupted.

Garfield looked down at her, face stoic, "I've never been more serious in my life." He grinned, "I mean, I'm almost _offended_ you haven't seen this movie!"

"Yo, Greenbean! What about _The Breakfast Club_?"

"Yes! A classic! Judd Nelson is the man!"

"A John Hughes moive?" Robin asked surprised.

"Dude! Hughes made some pretty iconic 80s movies! The man had talent!" As the conversation plowed on discussing people, characters, and movies she'd never seen, Raven turned her attention out the window. Far less convenient as she had to do so around her teammates, but she was able to watch the blur of buildings just past the glass.

So maybe she was, just a little bit, enjoying herself. The movie hadn't been _that_ bad, especially if you compared it to that horrific vampire movie. Raven felt a shudder slide down her spine, that was a horror movie and not in the way she'd expected. The movie had music specifically for the _sparkling_. Anyway, so the hero was a walking, talking corpse, she'd seen weirder things in her daily life. And despite their grumbling, she had a sneaking suspicion that Cyborg and Garfield didn't detest it as much as they were implying. So, that meant that, overall, this was a successful excursion. She'd had a lot of those recently.

Normally Raven locked herself up in her room. Separated herself from her surroundings and all the people in them. She made exceptions for her friends, but for the most part, since the world didn't want her beyond her ability to defend it, she'd ignore the world and they'd both be happy. But she wasn't. She could be content. She could immerse herself in her mind, into the fictional worlds of stories, or even travel to different dimensions, but at the end of the day it was _this_ world she lived in and quite honestly, she was a bit bitter that it seemed to shun her so. Granted she'd spent years behaving as if she _should_ be shunned, but if she was completely honest, a lot of that had to do with the fact that she'd expected to be shunned and it was a lot easier to cope with a certain kind of treatment if said treatment was _deserved_.

But now? Her friends were really going above and beyond to accommodate her new…what was she? She was still a part of the team, but she wasn't a useful part. She didn't contribute. And the longer it took for her powers to return, the greater her fear grew that they wouldn't come back at all. What was wrong with her?

'_You're imbalanced.'_

_Imbalanced?_

'_Yes. You've avoided and repressed your emotions for too long. You've spent your entire life fighting yourself. Have you ever wondered how your emotions were able to survive your repeated attempts to purge them?'_

_I guess, I never really thought about it._

'_Unsurprising. You're strong Raven, and your emotions are part of you. They too are strong. And like you, they don't appreciate people bearing down on them. They've finally decided to fight back. Your usual strategy of capture and bury are no longer going to work. Now you're going to actually have to work for your emotional balance. And it starts by _listening_ to them. They want what you want. Despite what you've been trained to believe, you deserve to be happy Raven and your emotions want that too. You think emotional sterility is the key to control but you are going to learn, even if only by the hard way, that that is not the case.'_

_Then what is the key?_

'_That is what you must find out.'_

_Why can't you just tell me?_

'_You know very well why not. You won't learn anything if you have someone just hand you the answers. You'll figure out the key to control, you're far too stubborn not to. However you're going to find that it will be both the easiest and hardest thing to grasp. Once you accept the concept it will all follow like water in a stream, however, I think acceptance is the very thing you'll fight the most. I suppose we'll see.'_

_I suppose._

'_Word of advice?'_

_Sure, why not?_

'_Garfield is your best bet to finding your answers. Try not to screw it up.'_

_Um, sure._ Raven wasn't sure what to think, but the Titan alarm meant she wasn't going to get a chance to, at least not at the moment. Raven heaved a sigh. Great, now she would get to wait in the car for however long it took to knock out the villain.

* * *

**AN2: Again, this had a ridiculously long wait and I'm sorry. I've been so crazy busy! No promises for chapter 10, but I happen to know there is some major BBRae flirting to be had (finally!). Again sorry for the delay, any of you that are still around. Maybe give me a fuzzy? Push me to get Ch10 up sooner? Maybe tell me how much you love BBRae and want more of it? Please?**


End file.
